edan season 2

dondi 7ap13 7:02pm Muhammad Arief Budiman Pengen di delkon krn aku ga tega mendelkonnya. Sungguh tuhan. Baru pertamakali. I don't know what to do. Everything is falling apart. Gile hot bangetttttttttttttt. Matanya ga bs diatur. 7:03pm Muhammad Arief Budiman U do shit to me again. And I didn't think it at first as shit. It becomes habit u asks things to me. Never did I am like this. Long time ago I got depressed when u delcon me. Now I wish u delcon me. I do really wish that. I want to be free. I don't want to feel this way. It is just so very uncomfortable. Things are starting falling apart. My brain, my mind, my body, my life, my everything. I want to hate u. Loving u makes my life turning upside down. Everything is crushed. It never happen to me thus I don't know what to do. I curse u to love me dearly. U will not ask for stuffs to me anymore. U just want to be with me all the time. Making love all the time. Getting to know each other all the time. Talking heart to heart all the time. U will take care of me better than this. So much better. The best in d whole world. 3ap13 it just hits me. this is the first time my brain being occupied by a boy the whole time. for what i get this is called head over wheel. but that is just an assumption. is it really love? or just lust? tell me plssssssssssss Muhammad Arief Budiman The bb- I intentionally become stupid and pretend not to understand him when hee asking me to buy him shirt. Usually I cut off boys and men who ask stuffs to me. But why can't I cut this one? What happen with me? Is it karma? I always mock people who loves this kind of boy. What kind of boy? The boy who buy his diploma. The boy who works only for fun. The boy who likes to go clubbing. The boy who doesn't appreciate good stuffs in his life. The boy who confuse me with his wisdom on love. The boy who treats others badly. The rejection- after I ignore him for wanting me to buy him shirt. I didn't get his news tonite. Some part of me feel relieve coz I always spend money when I am with him. But some part of me want to meet me. Hope this part go away soon. The prediction- is that I will surrenderr again under his feet. How the hell I become this stupid person who is ignorance and willing being treated like shit. 12:06am Muhammad Arief Budiman Last nite bb makes my brain stormy. So much is going on in there. I can't describe it clearly but I ll try it anyway. The position of our relation is very confusing. In a way I am always silent and only show my affection to him and I thought that was enough. But from last nite conversation it is clear that action alone can't clearly deliver the true feeling. Who is stupid? Me being over confident? Or him being insensitive from all I had done for him? And then through bb we talked and talked and talked. Actually before that I had known that hee still has his ex in his heart. But stupidly my heart falls for this kind of person. When I forced him to answer what will happen to our relation, hee answered that let's the time decides what will happen. I think this is only softening the way to say no to me. The other thing that makes me confuse is how come hee becomes so mature in his words. This is very different and in the opposite side of his daily activities. Hee said that hee is dissatisfied about his job. At that moment I can't directly debate him but afterward I want to say that there are many people out there who has tougher job and lesser salary. Also hee likes clubbing a lot. As I understand that needs a lot of money. That is why hee always complains hee doesn't hv any money and that is why hee always asks for stuffs to me. Also his history from the sentences I catch from his words. Hee said that hee didn't graduate from senior high and hee plans to buy certificate for his education. 12:07am Muhammad Arief Budiman Participants: ------------- Muhammad arief budiman, Dondi Messages: --------- Dondi: Km? Muhammad arief budiman: D kos juga Dondi: Oh Muhammad arief budiman: Blh main? Dondi: Boleh main sj Muhammad arief budiman: Kosmu tu jalan apa Dondi: Wonodri baru nomor 48 wisma madani Muhammad arief budiman: Ok Dondi: Tumbaske es Dondi: Seng seger (?´_?`) Muhammad arief budiman: Es apa Dondi: Jeruk selasih tu lho Dondi: Sriwijaya Dondi: Seblah el-shadai Dondi: Double date haha Dondi: Ke kotu yuk yang Muhammad arief budiman: Ok Dondi: Kekos skg yah Muhammad arief budiman: . :>> ? Siaaap .. !! _||_ Dondi: Nite Muhammad arief budiman: '. Göö? ?ö????g ???ê @" " "@ ? ( '<3<3', ) ???ê @ @ ??? (@)_"_(@) @" " "@ Gö? ( '<3<3', ) ?lêšš @ @ ?öu (@)_"_(@) ??G??? ????í?f?¨???GoodMorning¨??? . °°••°°°••°°°• (¯`\'•.¸(¯`\'•.¸¸.•\'´¯)¸.•\'´¯) Good morning ~o) \\=D/ (_¸.•\'´(_¸.•\'´`\'•.¸_)`\'•.¸_) •,¸¸,••,¸¸,••,¸¸• Dondi: Pagi Dondi: Sdh srpan? Muhammad arief budiman: Udah Muhammad arief budiman: Ni udah d kanot Muhammad arief budiman: Kabtor Muhammad arief budiman: Udah senmbuh? Dondi: Blm Dondi: Malah batuk e nggilani Muhammad arief budiman: Mau dianter k dokter? Mau dibeliin obat? Dondi: Biasanya aku di dr.frida di terongan itu Muhammad arief budiman: Mau dianter jam brp? Dondi: Buka jam 5 sore - 7 malam doang (?´_?`) Muhammad arief budiman: Yaudah nanti jam 5 kesana Dondi: Kerumah ya Dondi: Klo gtw jlnnya Dondi: Yg smlm ak turun aja Dondi: Ak msh dirumah Muhammad arief budiman: . :>> ? Siaaap .. !! _||_ Dondi: Hujan Muhammad arief budiman: Udah terang kok Dondi: Tumbas aqua yok yang Muhammad arief budiman: Yuk Dondi: Nite Muhammad arief budiman: Pagi Muhammad arief budiman: Miss who Dondi: Pagi Dondi: My best friend Dondi: Dia dari korea Muhammad arief budiman: Wow Muhammad arief budiman: Asli korea? Dondi: Dia inbox d fb ktny pngn ktmu gt kn Dondi: Ga dia kerja disana Muhammad arief budiman: udah sembuh? Dondi: Msh batuk Dondi: Muhammad arief budiman: Udah minum obat? Dondi: Udh tadi pagi Dondi: Kamu udh sarapan? Muhammad arief budiman: Udah Dondi: Sip Muhammad arief budiman: Met kerja Dondi: Iya Dondi: Mat makan siang Muhammad arief budiman: Kamu juga Dondi: Iya Dondi: Dikos sendirian Muhammad arief budiman: Sori baru baca Muhammad arief budiman: La emang farel kmana Dondi: Ketempat bojone Muhammad arief budiman: Mau ditemani? Dondi: Boleh Dondi: Sini Muhammad arief budiman: Ok Muhammad arief budiman: PING!!! Dondi: Bayar yg pny kita aje Muhammad arief budiman: Ok Muhammad arief budiman: Ra nggenah Dondi: Kok iso Muhammad arief budiman: Jelek Muhammad arief budiman: Cakepan kamu Dondi: Muhammad arief budiman: ?i??..?i??.. Dondi: Nopo nangis Muhammad arief budiman: Ga dpt jatah Dondi: Hehe Dondi: Besok lagi to Dondi: Td kan ntn bareng ceritane Dondi: Mosok njatah terusan Muhammad arief budiman: ???? "? ?i???aªª?"? ???? Dondi: Pagi Muhammad arief budiman: Pagi Dondi: Udh sarapan? Muhammad arief budiman: Udah Muhammad arief budiman: Kamu? Dondi: Udah Muhammad arief budiman: Sarapan apa Dondi: Td pagi jm 6 soto Dondi: Aku blm gjian Muhammad arief budiman: Kok bisa Dondi: Iya. Ketoke tgl 10an og Muhammad arief budiman: Yaudah yang sabar Muhammad arief budiman: Orang sabar disayang tuhan Muhammad arief budiman: Dondi sabar disayang aku Dondi: Iya sabar Dondi: Dondi: Peres Muhammad arief budiman: Mmmmµªªªªchhs...<3:*:*;;) ??ac?~ ;;);;);;) ??ac?~ ;;);;);;) ?uªªªªch:?. ?uªªªªch:*:? ??ac?~ ;;);;);;) ??ac?~ ;;);;);;) ?uªªªªch:?. ?uªªªªch:*:? ??ac?~ ;;);;);;) ??ac?~ ;;);;);;) ?uªªªªch:?. ?uªªªªch:*:? ??ac?~ ;;);;);;) ??ac?~ ;;);;);;) ?uªªªªch:?. ?uªªªªch:*:? ??ac?~ ;;);;);;) ??ac?~ ;;);;);;) ?uªªªªch:?. ?uªªªªch:*:? ??ac?~ ;;);;);;) ??ac?~ ;;);;);;) ?uªªªªch:*:?. :*?uªªªªch:*:? ??ac?~ ;;);;);;) ??ac?~ ;;);;);;) :*?uªªªªch:*:?. :*?uªªªªch:*:? ??ac?~ ;;);;);;) ??ac?~ ;;);;);;) :*?uªªªªch:*:?. :*?uªªªªch:*:? ??ac?~ ;;);;);;) ??ac?~ ;;);;);;) :*?uªªªªch:*:?. :*?uªªªªch:*:? ??ac?~ ;;);;);;) ??ac?~ ;;);;);;) :*?uªªªªch:*:?. :*?uªªªªch:*:? ??ac?~ ;;);;);;) ??ac?~ ;;);;);;) :*?uªªªªch:*:?. :*?uªªªªch:*:? ??ac?~ ;;);;);;) ??ac?~ ;;; ?:*?uªªªªch:*:?. :*?uªªªªch:*: *?••?mûuååc?.. pipi kiri ({}) pipi kanan ({}) kening ({}) bibir ({}) ?:*?uâch?:*?????°?????°?????°??¨¯?¯??¨¯?¯?_???_???_??a??°a??°a??°c?:*" Dondi: Aku ngeleh (?´_?`) Muhammad arief budiman: Katanya tadi udah sarapan Dondi: Ngeleh meneh og Muhammad arief budiman: Mau makan dmana Dondi: Wong ndak ada uang og meh maem. Rokok aja habis mesakke ya aku Dondi: (?´_?`) Muhammad arief budiman: Mau ditraktir makan? Dondi: Maem biasa aja Dondi: Yok Muhammad arief budiman: Dmana Dondi: Enake dmn? Dondi: WS yuk Muhammad arief budiman: Aku manut aja Muhammad arief budiman: Yuk Muhammad arief budiman: Ws yg mana Dondi: Yg deket2 aja Muhammad arief budiman: Deket drmana? Kamu dmana Dondi: Dikosan og Muhammad arief budiman: OK Dondi: Msh krj Dondi: Malem Dondi: PING!!! Dondi: Wejian Dondi: Wes aktip Muhammad arief budiman: Hëhëhëhë Hëhëhëhë "? II?II?II? "? Muhammad arief budiman: Kok reti? Dondi: Ge apa kau? Muhammad arief budiman: Liat tv Dondi: Ndue tipi to? Dondi: =)) Dondi: Aku jek lipsing neng rcti Dondi: Cus ndelok Muhammad arief budiman: Mana Muhammad arief budiman: Lg sinetron Dondi: Wkwkwkwk Muhammad arief budiman: Malah ngguyu Dondi: Aku to terpuruk Dondi: Lhambok dihibur Muhammad arief budiman: Bagaimana aku bs menghiburmu? Dondi: Tumbaske balon mbek arum manis kek Muhammad arief budiman: Jii媪aªªåªªå??? (¬_¬°) .¤« X_X Muhammad arief budiman: Aku gatau masalahmu? Aku gatau posisiku d dlm hidupmu? Aku gatau bagaimana hrs bersikap d depanmu? Muhammad arief budiman: Pokoknya I luph u Dondi: Muhammad arief budiman: Pengen memelukmu agar bisa mengusir semua resahmu. Agar bisa menyembuhkan semua sakitmu. Agar bisa menjauhkan semua galaumu. Dondi: Dondi: Galau trs Muhammad arief budiman: Aku tau masih ada seseorg d dlm hatimu. Pgn menggantikan dia tp ku tak mampu. Ku sadar siapa diriku. Kesadaran yang membuat pilu. Dondi: Bukankah aku sudah pernah bercerita tentang seseorang Dondi: Siapapun org yg dekat dg sy, entah.. Rasa itu berbeda dg nya Muhammad arief budiman: ????? "? ?i???aªª?"? ????? Dondi: Mas e to mendramatisir Dondi: Koyo sinetron Dondi: =)) Muhammad arief budiman: Hayah Muhammad arief budiman: Aku blm pernah mencintai seseorg. Jujur kalo hanya sex sudah berkali2 puluhan ratusan ribuan kamu itung sendiri akui jg lupa berapa banyaknuyaaaaaaaaa. Pertamakali ini aku merasakan jatuh cinta. Muhammad arief budiman: Dlu aku menghina org yg nangis garagara cinta. Dulu aku mengejek org yg bunuhdiri garagara cinta. Baru sekarang aku tau rasanya Dondi: Are u sure? Dondi: Jangan pernah menghina org, krn itu bs berbalik ke kamu Dondi: Baiknya berkata sewajarnya Muhammad arief budiman: Aku tak pernanh berkata aku mencintaimu karena aku takut hatiku terluka. Tp semakin aku menyangkal semakin aku gila Dondi: Jika kamu mencintai seseorang, jangan pernah km berfikir untuk mendapat balasan. Berfikirlah bhw km benar2 mencintainya. Tunjukan apa yg ada dihatimu. Cinta itu indah bila kita bisa menerimanya dengan ikhlas Muhammad arief budiman: Sama persis dengan apa yg dikatakan temenku Dondi: Dondi: Jangan takut sakit, krn sebenarnya yg membuat sakit kita sendiri Dondi: Nikmatilah Dondi: Selagi masih ada Muhammad arief budiman: Podo meneh Dondi: Bener to nek km bs pakai logikamu Muhammad arief budiman: Itulah dari kemaren aku masih mencari definisi dari kata menikmati. Temenku bilang nikmatilah rasa sakitmu. Biasanya menikmati hubungannya dengan yang positif bukan yang negatif. Otakku belum bisa mencerna nasihat temanku dan nasihatmu Muhammad arief budiman: Sakit adalah sakit Muhammad arief budiman: Sakit itu menangis Muhammad arief budiman: Nangis itu ga enak Muhammad arief budiman: Bangettttttttttt Muhammad arief budiman: Tp kok ya aku sll bertekuk lutut dihadapanmu Muhammad arief budiman: Lagi dan lagi Dondi: nah itu, sblm km mencerna Dondi: Km harus memakan Dondi: Sama hal dg kehidupan sehari2 Dondi: Dlm arti makan itu adl menangis kesakitan. Dondi: Seiring berjalannya waktu km akan sadar dn dpt mencernanya Muhammad arief budiman: Jadi heran kok kamu dewasa sekali? Dondi: Dewasa ga harus menunggu tua kan. Dewasa itu tuntutan Dondi: Pengalaman, pembelajaran, itu penting buat jd dewasa Muhammad arief budiman: Aku harus belajar banyak darimu Dondi: Kalo ada apa2 cerita ya Muhammad arief budiman: ????? "? ?i???aªª?"? ????? Dondi: Muhammad arief budiman: Mau nanya. Cuma memastikan. Takkan ada masa depan utk kita berdua? Dondi: Kita tdk akan pernah tahu masa depan kita jalani masa sekarang Dondi: Utk masa depan biarkan ngalir adanya Muhammad arief budiman: . :>> ? Siaaap .. !! _||_ 12:08am Muhammad Arief Budiman Sebenarnya kita itu apa? Sebenarnya kita pacaran ga si? Sebenarnya kamu cinta aku ga si? Kok aku ga pernah dpt ciuman? Kok aku ga pernah dpt jatah? Pengen bermesraan denganmu tp takut menyentuhmu, takut kamu marah padaku, takut kamu mengusirku, takut ga bisa ketemu lagi denganmu. Jika kamu mencintai seseorang, jangan pernah km berfikir untuk mendapat balasan. Berfikirlah bhw km benar2 mencintainya. Tunjukan apa yg ada dihatimu. Cinta itu indah bila kita bisa menerimanya dengan ikhlas he is drunk. he tells his story. about his clubbing life. he got free everywhere coz he can provide girls for the security. then he tells about his ex who is old and rich. he cheat with his ex's friend. and the friend told the ex that is why he got dumped.....i can tell how much he loves his ex. at that moment i think i cannot beat that. but now in my positive attitude, i will beat that. then he tells about the present. he says that now a man from broadcasting has crush on him and he will use that to get a job in jakarta...... i am in love. i am crusehd. i question my self why do i have to fall for this kind of boy?...but i force myself to be posi that i will conquer him no matter what....i will make this as my boost to manage myself to be better and ...... why are you so kind? why are you so beautiful? why are you so nice? why are you so smart? why do i always think the positive about you? why can i find the negative in you? thus i can dump u thus i cannot luph u coz having u in my heart is too much i cannot handle it it hurts a lot i used to think that i am the most beautiful boy/man in the world. that i can conquer all of the men in the world. but now after meeting that beautiful boy and hearing his stories, my dreams are crushing down. there are boys who are more beautiful than me out there. and they are having more confident than me. i am lost. and the feeling of being a loser is not very nice. it crushes your heart, ur mind, ur brain, ur body, ur life. everything is crumbling..... boy pic n boost pic tell everything but i deny all of them. the treatment pushes me to the limit. i cannot handle this anymore. so i must say goodbye. pengen tak delet. tp dia ilang dg sendirinya. goodbye tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget tuhan sakit banget i question myself. all this time he treated me badly. he hurts me again and again. but i always come back. when he wants something, i drop everything else to do what he wants. i never act like this before. i want to deny love by not saying it loud in front of him, never. but when he ends it, the reality hits me hard. i do love him. and i cannot do anything to stop it. i cannot control my heart. when the heart loves, thus it loves unconditionally, sincerely, crazily, stupidly. then i question my heart, why it falls for a boy like that. a boy full of shit.so it is true when everybody says that everybody loves bad boy. i should analyze him more closely. i will focus on his negatives. i will focus on hating him. maybe it is my age. for all this time i never allow myself to love. maybe it is time god teaches me about love. but why he gives me a very hard lesson. i hope times heal. i wish times mend the broken heart. 032713 tiap hari selalu ketarketir menunggu bb darimu. takut kamu ga bb aku. takut kamu delcon aku. ini pertama kali bagiku. namun aku akan sll positif. aku akan meyakini bahwa segaanya akan indah. Today 5:25pm Muhammad Arief Budiman Katanya ga mau jadi anak cinta, tp aku sdh terlannjur mencintaimu. Katanya mau pindah jakarta, tp aku takut ditinggalkan. Aku nyerah aku pasrah. Aku bahagia bersamamu sekarang. Kalopun nanti akhirnya harus berpisah, ya dipikir nanti aja. Nangisnya nanti aja. Galaunya nanti aja. Patah hatinya nanti aja. Sekarang dimaksimalkan bahagianya. Dp nya semakin membuatku tak menentu. Aku berharap bisa menaklukkan hatinya. Tapi semuanya sudah penuh diisi mantannya. Trus apa yang harus kulakukan. Haruskah kuterima semua keadaan ini. Akankah selamanya diriku menjadi pelampiasan patah hatinya. Harus kukemanakan airmata ini. Harus kukemanakan patahahti ini. Ingin ku berteriak sekencangkencangnya. 5:26pm Muhammad Arief Budiman The first delcon is painful. The second is excrutiatingly hurtful. But I am happy when I know that hee is actually not delconing me. I forget about something to write. but I forget what it is. I want to come back to him. But I already told os bout my broken heart. It will give bad effect to my being. 5:26pm Muhammad Arief Budiman Farel dumps his men easily. I'm afraid u ll do d same to me. U killing me slowly. Lord... Give me a sign whether I should stay with him or leave him. Gimme strength to be by myself. 5:27pm Muhammad Arief Budiman I am afraid of ur answer. Maybe ur exes give u much more. I don't hv anything to give. Just luph. But how d hell we can live with just luph. Its so very devastating. My heart wants to explode. I feel my chest being hit by thousands bricks. It doesn't feel good at all. I am difficult to breath. Everything seems and feels not good at all Sometimes u call me hon sometimes u call me mas. The first makes me feel I am important to u. The second makes me feel I am nothing for u. I want to be important for u. And that is what will happen in the future. I believe in it. I am lack of confidence considering my physic. I want to be good for u. And I will be. I will manage myself to be a better person just for u. And u will be proud of me. Tiwas geer. Actually do I ever be in ur mind? In ur heart? I just want to stay positive that I will always be in ur life no matter what. Ga enak rasanya tiap saat degdegan nunggu bb dr kamu. G¯_?ãK¯_? enak rasanya tiap saat takut kamu delcon. G¯_?ãK¯_? enak rasanya tiap saat waswas aku melakukan kesalahan yg akan membuatmu membenciku. Ga enak rasanya paranoid kamu akan dpt yg lbh dari aku. Ga enak rasanya feel insecure bahwa aku tak sempurna untukmu. Lorddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd Rasanya sakit banget feel unworthy for u. For me u r so perfect. And I consider myself full of flaws. This makes me feel uneasy. I feel poor. I am indoctrinized that love is showned by money. If I had a lot of money I can buy u things that is how I show my luph to u. But I am sure this is wrong. I will luph u just being me. If u don't want me as a poor, then I believe the lord will give someone better than u for me. 5:27pm Muhammad Arief Budiman Kerja mudah banget gaji gede banget tp tak bersyukur. Msh byk yg lain kerjanya lbh susah gajinya lbh dikit. X_X.•*°*•..Hä Ð?ê?.•*°*•.. X_X I'm afraid I can't keep up with him 5:31pm Muhammad Arief Budiman Aku ingin pulang. Tapi kemana. Aku ga punya rumah. Aku ingin terus berjalan. Sampai kaki ini berdarah. Sampai kaki ini bernanah. Sampai kaki ini patah. Aku tersesat. Diantara belantara cinta dan gairah. Semuanya hanya ilusi semata. Semuanya hanya fatarmorgana belaka. Semua hanya kamuflase sahaja. Aku dan hatiku tak mampu merasa. Aku ingin segala kepalsuan itu agar bisa menaklukkan hatimu.