So much events...................

Very various................... And i am not apart of it................... Feel inferior................... Dont have the skill................... Like them................... Being a guide................... On every event................... Feel stupid................... Very stupid................... Have nothing compare to them................... Admire them................... Expert in many areas................... Not like me................... Just one area................... And not sure good at it...................

The waiting...................

The unrespect................... And the mouth calls again................... Want to go home................... But where is home................... Dont have home really................... The one and only................... Had been taken by him................... He is cruel................... My idea of heaven................... There is her................... There is you................... Putting together................... Will i join you both................... That is the question................... Realizing how dirty i am................... It is scary...................

And it happens again...................

Get confused................... Cant get quite understand................... What is going on................... Everything seems out of place................... Put your heart into restless mode................... The state of being uncalm................... Need to read that book................... The calming one................... Something wrong................... Dont feel like to eat................... Dont fell like to do anything................... Just confused................... Need to do something................... But not know what to do................... Damn...................

What places is that...................

It is scary................... The boss is in there................... Fuck................... He was caught................... Then the bombs come................... It will end badly................... It always does................... Hate that kind of story................... Not going out the whole day................... Till now................... Getting hungry................... Hope get refreshment................... For the brain................... Need fresh air................... To be different................... It feels different................... Not the same as usual................... I dont know why................... It is the same place................... But it has something...................

I want it to end...................

But it still has a lot of times................... Scary................... Waiting for the bombs................... You know it comes................... And you wait for it................... The heart makes some crazy noises................... Is that a war................... Where the hell is that................... No it is not................... It is a celebration................... What celebration................... The celebration of death................... The dance of blood...................

The kindness will kill you...................

For sure................... Believe me................... Stupid and crazy dome at the same time................... In one brainless head................... He gives everything to him................... What does he expect................... Sex? Love? ................... He tells lies................... Sad stories................... And he swallows them all................... And the relationship changes................... And then he dissappears................... And he comes back................... With all the problems................... And he takes him again...................

Really stupid...................

Do that again................... And again................... All over again................... Dont he have brain................... I judge him................... Stupid me................... He is me................... Exactly the same................... Brainless................... Goddddd................... I want to scream................... At him................... At you................... At myself................... Kill him................... Kill you................... Kill me...................

Lets destroy the world...................

I want to kill them all................... The signs are everywhere................... But i dont want to see................... I blind myself................... The stupid man................... Always falls for the same boy................... Very stupid................... Is that a mirror................... Is that your way................... To tell me................... To show me................... That this is a fuck up world................... Then i am a part of it................... Am i................... Am i not...................

Stupid man...................

Like me................... I remember my cases................... The thief of laptop................... The sweet mouth of gold digger................... And the one................... I forget................... Wait................... The one with the police................... And god always comes................... Save me................... Over and over................... And i am stupid................... All the time................... Fuck that................... Fuck me...................

And the mattress takes me...................

Willingly happily................... As a dear friend................... Who will never leave me................... Rolling here................... Rolling there................... Being pleased................... Being relaxed................... Resting all the mind, body and soul................... I am sorry................... I dont want to explain................... This mouth shuts................... I hope you will understand................... Without my explanation................... Please say................... That i am fine the way i am................... Dont change me................... Accept me................... Love me................... Embrace me................... Say you will...................

I want to sleep...................

But i cant................... The morning is near... ................................... But i cant help it................... This brain is storming................... Many thoughts running around................... Got this paper and pen................... And then i write................... About this, that, these, and................... Everything else................... And the morning comes................... The restless comes................... There is nothing no do................... Got stressed................... Want to travel................... But have noone................... Damn................... Always dependent................... Hate myself................... Want to be independent................... Want to be free................... What the hell................... I can do this................... I will do this................... Lets go...................

And crying all the time...................

That is i imagine all this time................... Being weak in front of you................... Being hopeless before you................... Coz you are the one................... Who has everything................... And me is the one................... Who has nothing................... Until you give it to me................... Circling your box................... Over and over again................... Till these feet can do no more................... And stay there forever................... Till the end of the time................... Is it possible................... For you it is possible................... Coz you have the power................... To grant all wishes................... Including this one................... But what will i do there................... Will you give me purpose................... Better than this one? ................... Is it bad? ................... This one i have now? ................... Is it wrong? ................... questioning you................... coz this brain wont stop...................

God...................

I had promised................... To let go of everything................... But sometimes i cant resist................... When the heart asks................... Because you are the one................... The place to request................... The one i want the most is a child................... But i dont want a wife................... You know me................... Dont want to explain it................... Cant explain it................... I want to live with this kid................... Just the two of us against the world................... Conquering the universe................... Dont want to be alone................... Should not feel alone................... Coz you are always here................... Should ask for visiting your place................... The most important................... I dont know you that well................... I can only guess................... That the most important thing................... For me right now is................... Visiting your home................... Then i can talk................... To you directly................... Request all the things i want...................

And the way comes.............

And i think he helps............. To get me closer to him............. To facilitate me to be more of me............. Being fun............. Getting those things............. Rare things............. Very difficult to get............. Is it the way............. I hope so............. This desire is for that kind of thing............. And suddenly the way shows............. So hopefully it will take me there............. Safely happily............. The world will help............. If i help the world............. Being kind to everyone.............

It is usually disturbing me.............

But not today............. Thanks to god............. Maybe it has connection with the cleaning............. Dont care really............. As long as the restless goes away............. And then another comes............. That job that i consider heavy............. It is heavy coz i think it is............. And the longer i think............. The heavier it becomes............. And i should know the solution............. Just do it............. And it will erase the burden............. Actually what i think is heavy............. Is vice versa............. The doing seems fine............. That is commonly true............. And i should follow it through.............

The thing is.............

I always get inspiration when the time is not right............. When i am on the road............. And i dont have paper and pen............. And when i am busy doing something............. The inspiration comes into my mind............. And when i am done doing my things............. I forget what it was about............. And that is very annoying............. Irritating............. And that is stuck on my mind............. For days............. Try to recollect that thought............. Try really hard............. Till make u stressed............. And you give up............. Unwillingly.............

Analyzing this.............

It is strange............. They said if we have it............. We will look different............. In a positive way............. And they also said............. That it is suggested to have it............. But i feel different............. If i have it i got disturbed............. All my works collapse............. And i remember............. That these things carry creatures............. Unkind ones............. So i clean them all............. And i am smoothly doing all my jobs............. The energy is full............. Got very enthusiastics.............

That is all i want.............

On that i pour all of mine............. Before him i present............. Estimate all the give............. Give all you have............. Raise your praise............. Even you as in the blank............. And he forgets............. The weird comes back............. Then i got disturbed............. Eventhough i try not to............. And i will not............. Coz everything will be fine............. Hours days and more............. Eternity is for sure............. Raise your hand to him.............

22 okt 16 sabtu...................

Ikip................... Pul gasik................... Bhsl ps................... Mlm k burjo................... Allhuakbar...................

21 okt 16 jumat...................

Ikip................... Ws with rempong................... Omahbaru ambil sepatu................... Benangraja kado utk ika................... Allhuakbar...................

20 okt 16 kamis...................

Ikip................... Omahbaru................... Pul................... Ikip................... Bhsl ps................... Wrg................... Allhuakbar...................

19 okt 16 rabu...................

Ikip mpe sore................... Mlm k jahe rempah w pfian pasep pandi pjkr................... Allahuakbar...................

18 okt 16 selasa...................

Ikip mpe sore................... Bhsl ps................... Burjo................... Allahuakbar...................

17 okt 16 senen...................

Ikip mpe sore................... Wrg................... Bhsl ps................... Diner at sambel sereh w fam................... Allhuakbar...................

16 okt minggu...................

Burjo................... Jemput nina................... Jemput mayakd................... At mayafat tilik bayi................... At fatbubble eror................... At kofinary................... At benangraja................... Ngantar nina................... Pom................... Pedurungan eror................... Wrg................... Allhuakbar...................

15 okt 16 sabtu...................

Ikip................... Pul gasik................... Bookboss................... Kampung batik w ciprut n inug................... Pul kos................... Baituraman................... Meet ungdayat................... Atm................... Ada-kado maya................... Eror elephant................... Allhuakbar...................