the dream comes again…………………………………..

I try to fool myself………………………………….. tell myself that I have enough………………………………….. that I surrender………………………………….. that I let it go………………………………….. that I don’t want it anymore………………………………….. but the reality is like this………………………………….. what should I do………………………………….. I am tired lord………………………………….. tired of hoping………………………………….. tired of wanting………………………………….. it is enough lord………………………………….. I want to continue living………………………………….. I want to be happy………………………………….. I want to laugh………………………………….. I want to smile …………………………………..

want to meet mrss…………………………………..

not mrsn………………………………….. if they misunderstand me………………………………….. let it be………………………………….. at least you know my heart………………………………….. I hope you grant it soon………………………………….. if not………………………………….. I hope you make me satisfied………………………………….. pray from afar………………………………….. from here………………………………….. like before………………………………….. having peace at heart………………………………….. with her here………………………………….. in this world………………………………….. feeling safe………………………………….. feeling peaceful………………………………….. feeling loved …………………………………..

dream it again…………………………………..

it really sucks………………………………….. making heartache………………………………….. making me cry………………………………….. in the name of lord………………………………….. make me strong\………………………………….. thx u lord………………………………….. I did have the energy to teach………………………………….. if god allows………………………………….. tomorrow will do it again………………………………….. and again the next times………………………………….. unstoppably………………………………….. till the end………………………………….. with his help …………………………………..

trouble again…………………………………..

I hope it doesn’t make me stressed………………………………….. but lately I am being too sensitive………………………………….. you touch me………………………………….. I kill you………………………………….. and they are not mine………………………………….. never being assigned to be home lecturer………………………………….. so I feel free………………………………….. want to torture them………………………………….. coz they are not mine………………………………….. that viral video………………………………….. want to copy it………………………………….. maximally………………………………….. will I be satisfied………………………………….. will they be nice………………………………….. will they realize what they have done………………………………….. will they stop making mistake………………………………….. the same ones …………………………………..

in a way…………………………………..

being depressed because of paper………………………………….. cant eat………………………………….. don’t want to eat………………………………….. don’t have the desire to eat………………………………….. weight loss drastically………………………………….. being grateful………………………………….. continuing………………………………….. is it okay………………………………….. this part is okay………………………………….. don’t know bout other………………………………….. but it seems I don’t care anymore………………………………….. let it flows by itself………………………………….. just follow it through………………………………….. don’t control it………………………………….. it will make you at ease …………………………………..

when I wake up…………………………………..

I say to myself that I am letting it go………………………………….. but when I sleep………………………………….. I dream it over and over again………………………………….. I told myself to stop hoping for it………………………………….. to realize that it is not meant for me………………………………….. to continue living………………………………….. but the dream shows me what I really want………………………………….. it sucks………………………………….. is it my unconsciousness………………………………….. making me remember again………………………………….. making me depressed again………………………………….. I force myself not to have too much hope………………………………….. it will depressed me so much………………………………….. not to have wish………………………………….. it will kill you inside………………………………….. not to have any desire………………………………….. it will crush your heart………………………………….. not to have the dependency to others………………………………….. it will ruin your life………………………………….. just live it on your own………………………………….. step by step …………………………………..