I am idiot………………………………………………………………

I am stupid……………………………………………………………… I cant control my mouth……………………………………………………………… My mouth is leaking……………………………………………………………… To mrsa mrss mra……………………………………………………………… And they will do that too……………………………………………………………… Being leaked……………………………………………………………… Consciously or unconsciously……………………………………………………………… To others……………………………………………………………… And finally it will get to their ears……………………………………………………………… Mra and mrb……………………………………………………………… In the name of lord……………………………………………………………… I hope everything will be ok……………………………………………………………… If he allows……………………………………………………………… He will help me……………………………………………………………… He is the greatest……………………………………………………………… He will make miracles……………………………………………………………… He will help all……………………………………………………………… He will make all ok……………………………………………………………… Till the end ………………………………………………………………

I really don’t know what to do……………………………………………………………..

Do I need to tell them…………………………………………………………….. I don’t think so…………………………………………………………….. Just do it in secret…………………………………………………………….. Or in open…………………………………………………………….. But never directly tell them…………………………………………………………….. It is hard…………………………………………………………….. Will I have that…………………………………………………………….. I want that…………………………………………………………….. Lets pray hard…………………………………………………………….. Ask for that…………………………………………………………….. I think I am the childish one…………………………………………………………….. I want someone mature…………………………………………………………….. To take care of me…………………………………………………………….. To love me…………………………………………………………….. To accept me ……………………………………………………………..

That would never happen……………………………………………………………..

Lets see the plan…………………………………………………………….. What is the plan…………………………………………………………….. Get it here…………………………………………………………….. Visit there…………………………………………………………….. Meet them or not…………………………………………………………….. Or meet them in secret…………………………………………………………….. Go around homeland…………………………………………………………….. Every provinces…………………………………………………………….. And go around the countries surrounding homeland…………………………………………………………….. That would be nice…………………………………………………………….. That is the plan…………………………………………………………….. Or maybe a dream…………………………………………………………….. As there is no sign that this will happen…………………………………………………………….. Just be nice to him…………………………………………………………….. And keep loving him…………………………………………………………….. Till the end ……………………………………………………………..

Guilty pleasure……………………………………………………………..

The remedy of the payment…………………………………………………………….. That group…………………………………………………………….. And the shopping…………………………………………………………….. I should pay a lot to him…………………………………………………………….. Outnumber both of them…………………………………………………………….. And the thought comes as I watch the show…………………………………………………………….. As this show makes me want to shop more…………………………………………………………….. I want that thing…………………………………………………………….. Nice things…………………………………………………………….. And I think that thing is expensive…………………………………………………………….. Is that available here…………………………………………………………….. And I want some for me…………………………………………………………….. From that brand…………………………………………………………….. I think that is thai…………………………………………………………….. And the one from this land…………………………………………………………….. What is it called…………………………………………………………….. Hot dank…………………………………………………………….. I forget it…………………………………………………………….. The ac clothings…………………………………………………………….. I got it…………………………………………………………….. Can I have it lord…………………………………………………………….. I hope I can control myself ……………………………………………………………..

i dont know it anymore……………………………………………………………..

i want to stay till late at night…………………………………………………………….. i dont want to come home…………………………………………………………….. i wish it is ok…………………………………………………………….. i wish it is not negative…………………………………………………………….. i dont want to open the cell…………………………………………………………….. i am afraid…………………………………………………………….. something will trigger me…………………………………………………………….. to become bad…………………………………………………………….. to have bad thoughts…………………………………………………………….. lets enjoy the show…………………………………………………………….. lots of them…………………………………………………………….. and lets pray…………………………………………………………….. that someday i will have that…………………………………………………………….. the experience in real life…………………………………………………………….. but in homeland most of them are bad people…………………………………………………………….. they rarely work alone…………………………………………………………….. they have back up…………………………………………………………….. imporatant people…………………………………………………………….. real one and fake one…………………………………………………………….. and that is dangerous…………………………………………………………….. lets stay away from that…………………………………………………………….. lets get closer to him…………………………………………………………….. lets run to him…………………………………………………………….. fast……………………………………………………………..

did i watch this long time ago……………………………………………………………..

is it real…………………………………………………………….. does he create something like this…………………………………………………………….. does he make some people never taste happiness…………………………………………………………….. i see it in some movies…………………………………………………………….. they are having that kind of thing…………………………………………………………….. am i one of them…………………………………………………………….. it is scary…………………………………………………………….. just believe in him…………………………………………………………….. just praying hard…………………………………………………………….. really hard…………………………………………………………….. that that will never happen to me…………………………………………………………….. i will find happiness…………………………………………………………….. all the way…………………………………………………………….. it would be great to have something like that…………………………………………………………….. the ability to dance…………………………………………………………….. it is all there…………………………………………………………….. it is better this way…………………………………………………………….. than thinking about that thing…………………………………………………………….. forming negative thoughts…………………………………………………………….. those satanic thoughts…………………………………………………………….. and keep loving you still …………………………………………………………….. ……………………………………………………………..

that group……………………………………………………………..

that is negative…………………………………………………………….. that is bad…………………………………………………………….. maybe he punish me out of it…………………………………………………………….. because of that…………………………………………………………….. just join it tho…………………………………………………………….. as i already paid for it…………………………………………………………….. and i should pay him much more than that…………………………………………………………….. much much more…………………………………………………………….. that is the way to erase this guilty feeling…………………………………………………………….. no plan to practice it in real life…………………………………………………………….. as he knows me well…………………………………………………………….. i am afraid of people…………………………………………………………….. i am good at faking…………………………………………………………….. i am good at pretending…………………………………………………………….. i had done that for my whole life…………………………………………………………….. maybe if you allow me to stay here…………………………………………………………….. i will not fake it all again…………………………………………………………….. i will be real…………………………………………………………….. thus i can love you more…………………………………………………………….. i can love you as me…………………………………………………………….. i can love you as real me…………………………………………………………….. and i dont think i will tell them…………………………………………………………….. i think they know…………………………………………………………….. but they pretend not to know…………………………………………………………….. and i dont know how to react to that…………………………………………………………….. i dont know what to do…………………………………………………………….. just keep loving you is all i do ……………………………………………………………..

mrk and mrsf……………………………………………………………..

he asked for someting…………………………………………………………….. and i think she did too…………………………………………………………….. but i am having too much trouble here…………………………………………………………….. i cant think clearly…………………………………………………………….. i cant feel anything now…………………………………………………………….. i am numb……………………………………………………………………………………..…………………………………….. i come undone…………………………………………………………….. usually this kind of things make me cry…………………………………………………………….. this makes me jealous…………………………………………………………….. now i am numb…………………………………………………………….. i feel nothing…………………………………………………………….. it is dangerous…………………………………………………………….. i am afraid…………………………………………………………….. i will die soon…………………………………………………………….. in the name of him…………………………………………………………….. i hope i find love before i die…………………………………………………………….. if he allows…………………………………………………………….. he will give me love before i die…………………………………………………………….. he is the greatest…………………………………………………………….. he will make miracles…………………………………………………………….. i will find love soon…………………………………………………………….. he will give me love…………………………………………………………….. dont force it tho……………………………………………………………..

Being sensitive………………………………………………………………..

All is problems……………………………………………………………….. Mrsv and mrss……………………………………………………………….. So no more comments……………………………………………………………….. Wait for the moment……………………………………………………………….. Wait for being asked……………………………………………………………….. Wait for being questioned……………………………………………………………….. It is a good solution……………………………………………………………….. In the name of lord……………………………………………………………….. Everything will be ok……………………………………………………………….. If he allows……………………………………………………………….. He will make everything ok……………………………………………………………….. He is the greatest……………………………………………………………….. He will make miracles……………………………………………………………….. He will make me ok……………………………………………………………….. He will make them ok……………………………………………………………….. He will make all ok……………………………………………………………….. He will make all well……………………………………………………………….. He will make all good……………………………………………………………….. He will make all awesome……………………………………………………………….. He will make all amazing ……………………………………………………………….. I did this……………………………………………………………….. He knows me well……………………………………………………………….. He knows what inside me……………………………………………………………….. I cant write it down……………………………………………………………….. It is too complicated ………………………………………………………………..

Mrb the weird…………………………………………..

He wants to be all over mra………………………………………….. Cooking for him………………………………………….. But not for me………………………………………….. Chat with him………………………………………….. But not with me………………………………………….. All is for mra………………………………………….. In the name of lord………………………………………….. I must be strong………………………………………….. If he allows………………………………………….. He will make me strong………………………………………….. He is the greatest………………………………………….. He will make miracles………………………………………….. He will guard me………………………………………….. He will protect me………………………………………….. He will save me………………………………………….. He will make me safe………………………………………….. He will make me happy………………………………………….. He wont make me sad………………………………………….. He wont make me cry …………………………………………..

Don’t want to go home…………………………………………..

But I have to make it………………………………………….. It will be only days………………………………………….. I must be strong………………………………………….. Ganbate………………………………………….. In the name of lord………………………………………….. He will help me………………………………………….. If he allows………………………………………….. He will guard me………………………………………….. He is the greatest………………………………………….. He will make miracles………………………………………….. He will make me ok………………………………………….. He will make them ok………………………………………….. He will make all ok………………………………………….. I don’t want to pray for them………………………………………….. But I have to………………………………………….. He loves this kind of things…………………………………………..

Mrs…………………………………………..

He got it………………………………………….. It is ok………………………………………….. Make it easy………………………………………….. Don’t think it too hard………………………………………….. Don’t force it to him………………………………………….. All has its own way………………………………………….. If it is good for me………………………………………….. He will place me here………………………………………….. If it is not good for me………………………………………….. He will place me in another place………………………………………….. The one that is better than here………………………………………….. Don’t be sad………………………………………….. Keep trying hard………………………………………….. Keep praying hard and harder………………………………………….. But don’t force it to him………………………………………….. Itf he doesn’t grant it………………………………………….. Don’t be so sad………………………………………….. Don’t be angry………………………………………….. Don’t be stressed………………………………………….. Keep loving him………………………………………….. It is ok to cry ……………………………………………..

Mrs…………………………………………..

Mrs………………………………………….. He got it………………………………………….. It is ok………………………………………….. Make it easy………………………………………….. Don’t think it too hard………………………………………….. Don’t force it to him………………………………………….. All has its own way………………………………………….. If it is good for me………………………………………….. He will place me here………………………………………….. If it is not good for me………………………………………….. He will place me in another place………………………………………….. The one that is better than here………………………………………….. Don’t be sad………………………………………….. Keep trying hard………………………………………….. Keep praying hard and harder………………………………………….. But don’t force it to him………………………………………….. Itf he doesn’t grant it………………………………………….. Don’t be so sad………………………………………….. Don’t be angry………………………………………….. Don’t be stressed………………………………………….. Keep loving him………………………………………….. It is ok to cry ……………………………………………..

Don’t mock ma……………………………………………

Don’t mock cousin…………………………………………… If I don’t know the pain…………………………………………… I should not comment on it…………………………………………… Even in the heart…………………………………………… It is a real pain…………………………………………… Now I have it…………………………………………… It is excruciating…………………………………………… In the name of lord…………………………………………… May he make me healthy…………………………………………… If he allows…………………………………………… He will make me strong…………………………………………… He is the greatest…………………………………………… He will make miracles………………………………………………………………………………………… He will make ma healthy…………………………………………… He will make cousin healthy…………………………………………… He will make all healthy ……………………………………………

The library……………………………………………

My sanctuary…………………………………………… My haven…………………………………………… My place for my serenity…………………………………………… May lord is here also…………………………………………… Accompany me…………………………………………… In my last days…………………………………………… It is heavy…………………………………………… In the name of lord…………………………………………… I hope he help me get spv…………………………………………… If he allows…………………………………………… He will give me spv…………………………………………… He is the greatest…………………………………………… He will make miracles…………………………………………… I must be positive…………………………………………… So lord will give me something positive ……………………………………………

A lot of things on my mind……………………………………………

The intervention thing…………………………………………… I don’t help them shopping…………………………………………… I don’t accompany mrz mentoring…………………………………………… If a man focus on something negative…………………………………………… Whatever happens he will not see others…………………………………………… Even though there is positive…………………………………………… He will still find the negative…………………………………………… Do I do the same…………………………………………… O all the evil in me…………………………………………… Please go away…………………………………………… Leave my mind alone…………………………………………… I need to concentrate on being positive all the time…………………………………………… Concentrate on my tasks…………………………………………… Want to update my stat…………………………………………… But it is dangerous…………………………………………… Don’t do that…………………………………………… Lets share all this to lord only…………………………………………… As my thought is negative towards him…………………………………………… So the output is negative…………………………………………… He accepts it negatively…………………………………………… He responds it negatively…………………………………………… I accept it negatively…………………………………………… Hence the satanic cycle ……………………………………………

keep thinking of the intervention……………………………………….

it is good isn’t it………………………………………. mra is good………………………………………. mrb is good………………………………………. still………………………………………. still have negative thoughts about him………………………………………. ass kisser………………………………………. just got that from ellen………………………………………. maybe mrb wants to make me look abd before mra………………………………………. but mra words are positive………………………………………. thx u lord………………………………………. but I am sorry lord………………………………………. I cant be positive towards mrb right now………………………………………. From the very beginning he is negative………………………………………. He is weird………………………………………. He is freak………………………………………. He is beyond this world………………………………………. Really weird………………………………………. And there will be no food for me………………………………………. Thx god………………………………………. I am suffering………………………………………. The more I suffer………………………………………. The more he listen to my pray………………………………………. It is what they said ……………………………………….

It is this date……………………………………….

I don’t get spv yet………………………………………. The pressure is on………………………………………. The squeeze is tight………………………………………. The sad is present………………………………………. In the name of lord………………………………………. He will help me………………………………………. If he allows………………………………………. He will make me happy………………………………………. He is the greatest………………………………………. He will make miracles………………………………………. He will give me spv………………………………………. He will give me loa………………………………………. He will give me grants ……………………………………….

Mrsx is negative……………………………………….

She asked me to take another master………………………………………. I cant do that………………………………………. I don’t have money………………………………………. The grant is only for doctor………………………………………. In the name of lord………………………………………. He will help me………………………………………. If he allows………………………………………. He will make all is well………………………………………. He is the greatest………………………………………. He will make miracles………………………………………. He will make her change her mind………………………………………. Or else………………………………………. He will give me another spv………………………………………. Or else………………………………………. He knows best………………………………………. But pleae………………………………………. Don’t make me sad………………………………………. Don’t make me afraid………………………………………. I am afraid………………………………………. You don’t love me anymore………………………………………. You abandon me………………………………………. You will not………………………………………. I will run after you………………………………………. All the way there………………………………………. Above and beyond ……………………………………….

Being intervened by mra……………………………………….

But the content looks like from mrb………………………………………. See………………………………………. He is weird………………………………………. The point is………………………………………. He is no match to me………………………………………. At all cost………………………………………. Being accused………………………………………. That I like being alone in my room………………………………………. Don’t socialize with them………………………………………. Don’t chat with them………………………………………. Don’t help them………………………………………. And much more………………………………………. Like to walk alone in the back………………………………………. If we go sight seeing together………………………………………. Like to shop without them………………………………………. In the name of lord………………………………………. Must be strong………………………………………. If he allows………………………………………. I will be ok………………………………………. He is the greatest………………………………………. He will make miracles………………………………………. He will make me great …………………………………………….

After intervention……………………………

I cant stop thinking…………………………… Always positive towards mra…………………………… Always negative towards mrb…………………………… Lord…………………………… Help me please…………………………… The plan is to stay away from both of them…………………………… And everybody else…………………………… But that is bad…………………………… You don’t like that…………………………… So…………………………… Lets be positive…………………………… Pretend nothing ever happened…………………………… Act cool to mra mrb and all…………………………… Must be strong…………………………… Must not cry…………………………… Don’t get heart sick………………………………………………………… In the name of lord…………………………… Everything will be ok…………………………… If he allows…………………………… He will make everything ok…………………………… He is the greatest…………………………… He will make miracles…………………………… He will make us all get along well ……………………………

12 des 19 kamis………………………………………………………………

Perpus w sayid……………………………………………………………… Print……………………………………………………………… Meet arin……………………………………………………………… Meet dikti……………………………………………………………… Ucv……………………………………………………………… Ngumpul……………………………………………………………… Resto……………………………………………………………… Spencer……………………………………………………………… Meet spv……………………………………………………………… No ……………………………………………………………… Allahuakbar……………………………………………………………… Perpus……………………………………………………………… Class at edu building……………………………………………………………… Wrg……………………………………………………………… Perpus……………………………………………………………… Kamar sebelah nunut diner……………………………………………………………… Pul……………………………………………………………… Perpus w pak sayid……………………………………………………………… Allahuakbar………………………………………………………………

11 des 19 rabu ………………………………………………………………..

Class at gedung a……………………………………………………………… Wrg……………………………………………………………… Spencer……………………………………………………………… Gedung pasca……………………………………………………………… Christmas ;arty……………………………………………………………… Meet dikti people……………………………………………………………… P arif p Edwin b anis b putri……………………………………………………………… Took- isi kartu bis……………………………………………………………… Bus with all to Avalon- thrift store- value village- Avalon hv dinner……………………………………………………………… Dikti k kos……………………………………………………………… Mlm ttd kontrak dg dikti……………………………………………………………… Allahuakbar………………………………………………………………

10 des 19 selasa …………………………………………………………………………..

Spencer……………………………………………………………….. Tim Horton……………………………………………………………….. Perpus……………………………………………………………….. Bhslps……………………………………………………………….. Allahuakbar………………………………………………………………..

9 des 19 senen…………………………………………………………………..

………………………………………………………………….. International office………………………………………………………………….. Pul………………………………………………………………….. Spencer………………………………………………………………….. Took………………………………………………………………….. Perpus………………………………………………………………….. Allahuakbar…………………………………………………………………..

8 des 19 minggu ……………………………

Seharian di perpus………………………………………………………………….. Allahuakbar…………………………………………………………………..

7 des 19 sabtu……………………………

Pagi nyuci…………………………… Seharian di perpus…………………………… Alhamdulilah…………………………… Di intervensi mra…………………………… Allahuakbar……………………………

6 des 19 jumat ………………….

Spencer………………………………………….. Jumatan…………………………… Pul…………………………… International office…………………………… Christmas party…………………………… Allahuakbar……………………………