I am sick ………………………………..

lilsis is going away ……………………………….. nobody takes care of me ……………………………….. it is okay ……………………………….. I must be strong ……………………………….. I can handle it on my own ……………………………….. I hope this sick is swab of my sins ……………………………….. as he promises ……………………………….. and I wish I am strong enough ……………………………….. to face all of this ……………………………….. in my alone time ……………………………….. with him ………………………………..

what else ………………………………..

before there is mrk ……………………………….. now there is mrs ……………………………….. not free ……………………………….. cant express myself ……………………………….. is it his way to block me ……………………………….. from something negative ……………………………….. to walk in the right path ……………………………….. with his direction ……………………………….. his guidance ……………………………….. doing article ……………………………….. and mrr ……………………………….. I did go there ……………………………….. I did not meet him ……………………………….. he is busy ……………………………….. in the name of lord ………………………………..

last night I say no to mrz ………………………………..

I am afraid it will give me negative effects ……………………………….. and now I feel it ……………………………….. I feel it is too calm ……………………………….. it is unusually calm ……………………………….. I am afraid something bad will happen ……………………………….. don’t be afraid ……………………………….. you should afraid of nothing but him ……………………………….. he will help ……………………………….. if you do nothing bad ……………………………….. he will smoothen your process ……………………………….. he will give ways ……………………………….. solutions and stuffs ……………………………….. you just need to love him ……………………………….. I do ………………………………..

15 sep 18 sabtu…………………………….

……………………………. gojek……………………………. superindo……………………………. dijemput ibas n baskoro……………………………. tawang jemput zzaki……………………………. maksi at bu sumo banyumanik……………………………. magelang jemput udin……………………………. parang tritis……………………………. allahuakbar…………………………….…………………………….

14 sep 18 jumat…………………………….

kampus……………………………. takziyah ta bu muza……………………………. kampus……………………………. mlm gorengan……………………………. ped……………………………. ngaji……………………………. allahuakbar…………………………….

13 sep 18 kamis…………………………….

gym……………………………. fatimazahra……………………………. kampus……………………………. superindo……………………………. allahuakbar…………………………….

12 sep 18 rabu…………………………….

kampus……………………………. wrg……………………………. ped……………………………. net……………………………. allahuakbar…………………………….

11 sep 18 selasa…………………………….

mranggen……………………………. meet rahman……………………………. ped ……………………………. net……………………………. gym……………………………. allahuakbar…………………………….

10 seo 18 senen…………………………….

kampus……………………………. ped……………………………. net……………………………. ngaji……………………………. allahuakbar…………………………….

9 sep 18 minggu ………………………………….

……………………………. gym……………………………. allahuakbar…………………………….

that also makes me sick……………………………..

hope god has positive reaction…………………………….. mza tried to talk to me…………………………….. but I ignore her…………………………….. she said I have a sick face…………………………….. that is true…………………………….. there is so much going on in my head…………………………….. I cant control it…………………………….. I just hope lord is with me all the time……………………………..

friends are joking……………………………..

that I will fail to go to usa…………………………….. although they joke…………………………….. it is hurtful…………………………….. don’t they know…………………………….. that words are pray…………………………….. I hope god don’t listen to them…………………………….. mrz also has negative reaction…………………………….. he said what for I do all this…………………………….. oh my lord…………………………….. make him understand…………………………….. I need this…………………………….. I want to secure my position…………………………….. I want to have a bright future…………………………….. I believe if I have this kind of thing…………………………….. my future will be bright…………………………….. although all is in your hands…………………………….. and I also need to experience that kind of life…………………………….. I dream my whole life…………………………….. I long for it…………………………….. I crave for it…………………………….. I hope you grant my wish…………………………….. and I also think that I need a way to stay there…………………………….. and this is one of them…………………………….. I don’t have any idea how to get there before this thing happen…………………………….. but I believe this is your plan…………………………….. you know the best for me…………………………….. show me things please…………………………….. so I could be happy for once ……………………………..

mrf and mrk……………………………..

they say it will be okay…………………………….. if the time comes…………………………….. the letter will come to me…………………………….. after they talk like that…………………………….. I feel calm…………………………….. that is magic…………………………….. what they say is true…………………………….. everything needs time…………………………….. god needs time…………………………….. he wants to show me…………………………….. bout this thing…………………………….. that I need to be patient…………………………….. and believe in him…………………………….. and love him…………………………….. coz he has a wonderful plan for me…………………………….. the best one ……………………………..

wifi error……………………………..

mrr error…………………………….. lappy error…………………………….. in the middle of work it just dead…………………………….. oh my lord…………………………….. I have a premonition…………………………….. a bad one…………………………….. I want to cry…………………………….. but it will be shameful for me…………………………….. roller coaster feeling…………………………….. sometimes I wonder what happen to me…………………………….. little things can destroy me…………………………….. I think too much…………………………….. focus on negative aspects…………………………….. that is bad…………………………….. I should change…………………………….. I will change ……………………………..

I have enemy in this class……………………………..

I have enemy in this group…………………………….. in the name of lord…………………………….. I hope everything will be okay…………………………….. for the whole semester…………………………….. remember that time…………………………….. when she cheats…………………………….. and I am so angry…………………………….. hope she is better now…………………………….. nice person…………………………….. do not have grudge for me…………………………….. do not be afraid…………………………….. just be nice…………………………….. to her…………………………….. to all…………………………….. then god will help…………………………….. everything will be okay ……………………………..

in group he is silent……………………………..

I had delivered a lot of important questions…………………………….. about letters too…………………………….. I need him as officials to explain what is right…………………………….. but he did not…………………………….. then I made it my own and sent to them…………………………….. then he replied then my letter is wrong and I need to revise it…………………………….. he did give an example…………………………….. the question is…………………………….. why had he not done that a long time ago…………………………….. why had he waited for us to make mistake…………………………….. and he sent a very short message informing my mistake…………………………….. he did not explain it clearly that I should revise it…………………………….. and that I should send it again…………………………….. oh my god…………………………….. I wonder who the hell he is…………………………….. pray to god…………………………….. hope he will make himself better…………………………….. let it be just me the victim ……………………………..