I did come here……………………….

this is third………………………. remember mra………………………. remember mas toyib………………………. now is mrb………………………. this is a sign………………………. about him………………………. about me………………………. about him and me………………………. crazy………………………. stupid………………………. hell mind………………………. hell thought………………………. hell brain………………………. hell attitude………………………. hell creature………………………. is it………………………. I don’t think so………………………. we are gods love………………………. we are gods creature………………………. we are gods perfect ……………………….

me……………………….

I cant concentrate………………………. a lot of thoughts………………………. running in my head………………………. crowded………………………. him………………………. confused what should I think of him………………………. what should I do in front of him………………………. afraid that he can read me………………………. want him to be my partner………………………. group of men………………………. I feel inferior to them………………………. thinking that they are cleverer than me………………………. they are more than me in every aspect………………………. group of women………………………. wanting to be coupled………………………. afraid to be coupled………………………. afraid that the dark past will repeat again………………………. others………………………. all of them are disturbing………………………. becoming very sensitive ……………………….

make friend and get close to those who will go to mecca……………………….

before and after……………………….………………………. because they are guarded by angels………………………. I want that too………………………. always being guarded by angels………………………. make my own imagination………………………. dreaming………………………. that by often doing good deeds………………………. thus angels are also often be around me………………………. front back left right above under………………………. protect me………………………. nice imagination………………………. wish lord grant this ……………………….

no gym……………………….

it has been a while………………………. I don’t go there anymore………………………. lord………………………. I want to go there………………………. give me blessing………………………. give me time………………………. give me money………………………. yesterday I stop because of the money thing………………………. because suddenly my money become very limited………………………. and I am very afraid………………………. in the name of lord………………………. I don’t have to be afraid anymore………………………. I should go there again………………………. in the name of lord………………………. he will bless this………………………. because this is good………………………. this is healthy ……………………….

many times I failed……………………….

input data online………………………. because there are so many disturbances………………………. when I search the data………………………. it is disappeared………………………. when I teach………………………. it is disappeared………………………. when I meet boss………………………. it is disappeared………………………. how many times should I repeat………………………. then I got news………………………. don’t process visa ye………………………. wait for the next news………………………. the update one………………………. from them………………………. oh………………………. maybe that I fail all this time………………………. it is actually because of him………………………. he prevents me to do something unwanted………………………. he asked me to fail………………………. wow………………………. I am amazed ……………………….

they bully me again……………………….

ask for treat………………………. and say that I will not go there eventually………………………. it burnt me inside………………………. take it easy………………………. pray to lord………………………. pray harder………………………. may he saves me………………………. may he loves me………………………. may he grants my wish………………………. with all the hard things I receive from them………………………. I should stand tall………………………. held my head high………………………. never back down………………………. I believe he is beside me………………………. always ……………………….

I don’t have money……………………….

must borrow from fam………………………. if it is not them I don’t know where………………………. remember them………………………. tthey don’t know how it is very difficult for me………………………. lack of money from here and there………………………. I have a thought that I should stop putting money on mosques………………………. but I am afraid……………………….………………………. that is god’s part………………………. if I stop………………………. I am afraid he will get angry with me………………………. remember what he says………………………. if it is fund for him………………………. we should not disturb it at all………………………. if we need money………………………. still we cant disturb his portion………………………. he will add your blessing from an unexpected direction ……………………….

there is so much heavenly kids………………………..

but they are outnumbered……………………….. by the hellish bastard……………………….. and somehow……………………….. I like it……………………….. so it means……………………….. I am one of them……………………….. hell creatures……………………….. it is scary……………………….. do I have another form……………………….. that I do not know……………………….. and he knows ………………………..

getting disturbance in office………………………..

getting disturbande in aunt place……………………….. I should go to mall……………………….. café……………………….. must spend money……………………….. get calm……………………….. get net……………………….. if it must be it……………………….. then it will be it……………………….. dear lord……………………….. bless this way……………………….. bless my way……………………….. don’t leave me……………………….. be on my side……………………….. always……………………….. please ………………………..

pity you………………………..

couldn’t buy food by yourself……………………….. lets see……………………….. take all their bully……………………….. if I cant handle this anymore……………………….. I will disappear again……………………….. like before……………………….. that is my expertise……………………….. I will calm myself……………………….. in my alone time……………………….. as it used to be……………………….. and it will always be……………………….. I love my alone time……………………….. with him……………………….. only him……………………….. coz he is the best for me ………………………..

dear lord………………………..

I want to process it……………………….. but it is error……………………….. you are the almighty……………………….. until which patient limit it will be……………………….. I should stand for it……………………….. lord help me……………………….. like I love you……………………….. smoothen all my business……………………….. calm my heart……………………….. protect me……………………….. don’t make me sad……………………….. you are the almighty……………………….. only you can help me……………………….. to solve all of this ………………………..

I am always strong enough………………………..

to stand alone……………………….. but before you……………………….. I am crumbling down……………………….. I come undone……………………….. I am nothing……………………….. let me be yours only……………………….. no one will have me……………………….. but you……………………….. only you……………………….. everyone can hate me……………………….. except you……………………….. not you……………………….. if you do……………………….. I will die ………………………..

I am stupid………………………..………………………..

there was a sign……………………….. from lord……………………….. through them……………………….. make my heart restless……………………….. but I ignored them……………………….. I don’t process it……………………….. now I think he give me signal again……………………….. but the time is limited……………………….. lets see……………………….. lets process……………………….. in the name of lord……………………….. and thx god……………………….. I had a great news……………………….. I do not need a new one……………………….. it is the same……………………….. I am relieved ………………………..

if I am hungry, they don’t give me food………………………..

if I am full, they give me food……………………….. it is annoying……………………….. be patient……………………….. lets buy it later……………………….. a lot of it……………………….. make myself satisfied……………………….. thx lord……………………….. I did that……………………….. I was happy……………………….. I was content……………………….. and I have a deep happy sleep……………………….. till you wake me up……………………….. happily ………………………..