when you cry....

..................... but there is no tears coming out of your eyes......................... when you scream......................... but there is no sound coming out of your mouth......................... it is scary......................... you feel pressed......................... on your chest......................... it is so much heavier......................... than a mountain......................... how come you know the weight of it......................... i just know......................... maybe so......................... dont question it no more......................... i question it myself......................... i dont have the answer yet......................... how can i give you explanation......................... just wait for the moment.................................................. it usually appears......................... out of nowhere......................... just like before ...............................................

sometimes.......

.............. you feel sick..................... very sick..................... as if you cant do a thing..................... you cant move a thing..................... you cant move your body..................... just want to lay down..................... you dont want to eat..................... your mouth taste so bad..................... your body feel very heavy..................... as if a lot of stone being on top of you..................... everything pull you down..................... you pray..................... you pray so hard..................... wishing he hear you..................... hoping he listen to you..................... dreaming he will come tou you..................... that would be strange..................... but he is the master of it all..................... the strange ones..................... and the normal ones..................... nobody cant beat him..................... he is above all..................... thus the dream..................... i am not making mistake yes .....................................

that day in cafe.....................

the temptation of youtube is incredible..................... i cant resist it..................... i stop working coz of it..................... and these days..................... i spent my nights watching them..................... holy dank..................... and the torture betwenn two wishes..................... want more..................... want much more..................... but keep quiet..................... stupid me..................... and the regret of not giving tip..................... the thought of it runs around in my head..................... making me cry inside out..................... and then i think i get the solution..................... if i order more..................... i can do it..................... but the cashier changes..................... i want him..................... i want before..................... in the name of lord..................... hope evrrything will run smoothly in the future..................... no more obstacles..................... if there are some..................... i will have strenght to conquer it .........................................