on one side I still hope for it…………………………………………….

on another side I don’t care anymore……………………………………………. lord……………………………………………. I want to be happy……………………………………………. make it enough……………………………………………. stop your torture……………………………………………. I want to live normally again……………………………………………. I want to teach again……………………………………………. I want to smile again……………………………………………. I want to laugh again……………………………………………. don’t give me a false hope……………………………………………. I am tired……………………………………………. lord help me please …………………………………………….

fail to date…………………………………………….

miss communication……………………………………………. maybe it is a sign from him……………………………………………. that he has a bad intention……………………………………………. or maybe it is a test about the strength of love……………………………………………. that if I pass this test……………………………………………. thus lord will strengthen this love……………………………………………. become stronger and stronger……………………………………………. and he also will bless this relationship……………………………………………. till death do us part …………………………………………….

I cry for that………………………………………..

sorry lord……………………………………….. I want it so bad……………………………………….. sorry lord……………………………………….. if you think I am not grateful enough……………………………………….. but this desire wants more and more……………………………………….. much more than this……………………………………….. somehow……………………………………….. I want you to take me away……………………………………….. hence I don’t have to have the desire anymore……………………………………….. I don’t want anything anymore ………………………………………..

a lot of people do that to me………………………………………..

but I am blind……………………………………….. I always look for the far away……………………………………….. and I don’t pay attention to the close……………………………………….. I am stupid……………………………………….. dear lord……………………………………….. make me smart……………………………………….. make me thankful……………………………………….. make me grateful……………………………………….. for all the ones……………………………………….. that you did already gave me……………………………………….. all this time ………………………………………..

some people are happy……………………………………..

when I am in misery…………………………………….. lets pray for them…………………………………….. I hope they will get their happiness of their own…………………………………….. so they will not bother my life…………………………………….. I don’t know who…………………………………….. but I think I have a lot of enemies…………………………………….. I hope lord will always protect me…………………………………….. from bad people…………………………………….. I hope I don’t get affected by them…………………………………….. by their bad acts…………………………………….. I hope I can continue to work…………………………………….. to improve myself to face him…………………………………….. always pray to him…………………………………….. I hope they don’t lead me the wrong way…………………………………….. to the darkness…………………………………….. full of torture…………………………………….. I hope I can stand it all…………………………………….. I hope I can bear it all…………………………………….. I hope I can avoid all the temptations ……………………………………..

sorry……………………………..

I took the plane twice…………………………….. I don’t want to act as rich…………………………….. but the experience of train was bad…………………………….. don’t get the share of power socket…………………………….. meanwhile my battery is very low…………………………….. I got the stomach ache…………………………….. meanwhile it is still far away…………………………….. I hope you don’t get angry with me…………………………….. I hope you don’t punish me…………………………….. I hope you forgive me…………………………….. I hope you give me the strength and the ability…………………………….. to pay back all those money ……………………………..