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4 feb 26 rabu

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3 feb 26 selasa

 

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2 feb 26 selasa

 

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Between Worry and Trust

 

Between Worry and Trust

I am always worried about money,
a quiet fear that taps my shoulder at night,
whispering what if there is no fund,
what if tomorrow comes empty-handed?

I tell myself I cannot live without it,
as if breath were printed on paper,
as if life were a receipt
that must always balance.

But I should not be like that.
Because everything is already in order—
not by my shaking hands,
but by His.

If I need it,
He will provide.
If I really need it,
He knows the difference
between desire and necessity,
between fear and faith.

And then there is her—
Mrs. E.
So clever it almost hurts to watch.
She creates articles like constellations,
one after another,
while I am still counting my stars.

Jealousy visits me quietly.
It does not shout;
it only asks,
Why not me?

So I pray,
God, make me clever like her—
not to compete,
but to grow.

And him—
the one who shows favoritism.
His smile is generous to others,
his face warm,
yet when it turns to me
the light feels thinner.

May God protect me
from bad people,
from soft cruelty,
from kindness given selectively.

And her—
Mrs. R.
She moves away,
and fear rushes in to take her place.
I am afraid of being left
with people I do not like,
with people who treat me badly
and call it normal.

So this is my final prayer,
spoken softly but meant deeply:
May God make her stay
until I graduate.

And if she must go,
may He make me strong enough
to remain.

Between worry and trust,
between envy and hope,
between fear and faith—
this is where I stand,
learning, slowly,
to believe that I am also
being held.

1 feb 26 minggu

 

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