our eyes met……………………………

we locked our gaze…………………………… don’t be bad…………………………… damn…………………………… here comes the distraction…………………………… thx god I can control myself…………………………… thx god he is leaving…………………………… but still…………………………… the thought of him…………………………… inside my brain…………………………… disturbing…………………………… being bad is difficult…………………………… being nice is harder…………………………… nothing is easy…………………………… but nothing is impossible ……………………………

thx for this physic……………………………

that is healthy…………………………… that I can use it for work…………………………… that I can utilize it to earn money…………………………… that I can take it to go out…………………………… that I can take it to hang out…………………………… that can always take care of me…………………………… that I can take it to search for you…………………………… thx for this brain…………………………… that is clever…………………………… that can find solution…………………………… that can create articles…………………………… that can contribute its thoughts…………………………… that can find happiness when I am sad…………………………… that can find a way out when I am stuck…………………………… that I can take it to think of you ……………………………

thx for giving me such wonderful workplace………………………………

where I can meet so many kind people……………………………… where I can finish all my jobs……………………………… where I can channel my needs, my skills, my hobbies……………………………… where I can find all the support I need……………………………… where I can get my salary so I can live……………………………… thx for my coworkers……………………………… to whom I can learn so many lessons……………………………… to whom I can tell all my problems……………………………… to whom I can ask for help……………………………… to whom I can find solution……………………………… to whom I can share my sadness and happiness……………………………… to whom I can talk to about everything……………………………… to whom I can share my loads……………………………… to whom I can act crazy……………………………… to whom I can be free and not pretending……………………………… to whom I can be all I can ………………………………

thx for everything………………………………

thx for your love……………………………… thx for giving me this kind of parents……………………………… who loves me dearly……………………………… who always pray for me……………………………… who always expect everything good for me……………………………… thx for giving me this kind of sister……………………………… who can stand this kind of brother……………………………… thx for my relatives……………………………… who always give me open door……………………………… who always welcome me with their open arms……………………………… who always embrace me in every situation……………………………… thx for the memory of grandma……………………………… who always teach me how to be good……………………………… be nice……………………………… never fight others……………………………… who always encourage me to put others first ………………………………

dream……………………….

being seen by many people………………………. premonition………………………. will be famous………………………. bad thoughts………………………. that bastard………………………. I will stop thinking negatively………………………. I will start thinking positively………………………. that all of this………………………. whether it is imagination or not………………………. but I think it is real………………………. that those are the signs………………………. from god who will make me famous………………………. coz I feel everybody looks at me………………………. stares at me………………………. everywhere………………………. in every situation possible………………………. I don’t understand ……………………….

I didn’t take a bath last night……………………….

feel bad………………………. before him………………………. before teacher………………………. before book………………………. before process………………………. but I had successfully finished it………………………. then I promise myself………………………. not to do that again………………………. I will make myself being the best………………………. before I put myself in your present………………………. that is scary………………………. that thought………………………. being rejected by you………………………. but I believe you love me dearly………………………. you love me unconditionally………………………. I believe in that ……………………….

there is time……………………….

seeing them the capable ones………………………. quiet heart busy brain………………………. until I get there I will never stop………………………. ruin all the bad thoughts………………………. all inside me is in good intention………………………. never doubt that he will help me………………………. for I am forever trying to do good deeds………………………. or maybe I am still not there………………………. respect the efforts I had done………………………. all this is for you………………………. until I feel I am worthy enough………………………. new me is presentable before you………………………. till that day comes………………………. I will never stop………………………. doing good deeds………………………. in your name only ……………………….

you do what you like and just carelessly ask for this and that……………………….

do you think it is easy for me to make money………………………. my job is to make myself happy………………………. do you think money fall from trees………………………. and this is just without any initial act as of greeting and such………………………. directly demanding for fund………………………. what you want is not easy………………………. I am not rich………………………. but I always try………………………. to always fight continuously………………………. so that someday god allows me to be rich………………………. I don’t care all of my tiredness………………………. all of this so that I can make my purpose comes true………………………. in his blessing ……………………….

talk to my parents……………………….

she asks me to do that………………………. I will do that………………………. I had not done that up to now………………………. for a long time………………………. since the problem………………………. if I am not wrong………………………. but you know me………………………. I cant start the talk………………………. I have no idea what to talk………………………. so lets just wait………………………. make them start………………………. then just reply………………………. give all my best………………………. pour all my effort………………………. and I believe he will help………………………. coz this is good………………………. and he likes good………………………. he likes this………………………. he will bless this ……………………….

side job…………………………..

too many dreams………………………….. becoming model………………………….. getting there………………………….. doing my stuff………………………….. study………………………….. gym………………………….. someone takes my pic secretly………………………….. talent scout………………………….. I get recruited………………………….. get the job………………………….. sign the contract………………………….. doing shows………………………….. all over the world………………………….. visiting amazing spots………………………….. meeting you in every corner …………………………..

oxford…………………………..

that is the dream………………………….. giving the best presentation………………………….. before kansas’ lecturers………………………….. then they put me to other place………………………….. the best one………………………….. getting cocky………………………….. making status………………………….. hot damn………………………….. that kind of thing makes everything ruined………………………….. and it is getting better………………………….. the dream continues………………………….. from there………………………….. finishing study………………………….. get the offering of post doc………………………….. one after the other………………………….. non stop………………………….. continuously………………………….. never come home………………………….. may lord grant this wish …………………………..

horrible aunt…………………………..

she is famous for being bad………………………….. I wish I can help………………………….. but I cant………………………….. I feel distant………………………….. afraid………………………….. lets pray for her………………………….. pray hard………………………….. pray harder………………………….. pray again………………………….. non stop………………………….. continuously………………………….. I believe one of my pray will reach him………………………….. and he will help her …………………………..

suddenly afraid………………………….

that this program will be taken from me…………………………. that is the thought…………………………. whereas I cant be afraid…………………………. if this is my destiny…………………………. god will give this to me…………………………. not a thing can stop it…………………………. not a single person can block it…………………………. must believe that…………………………. and keep myself better…………………………. so I will be worthy before him…………………………. worthy enough to get gifts…………………………. worthy enough to get blessings…………………………. worthy enough to be made happy…………………………. worthy enough to receive more ………………………….

side job………………………….

tell family…………………………. no…………………………. tell friends…………………………. did that…………………………. bad result…………………………. god…………………………. he is the best place to share the feeling…………………………. the best place to ask for help…………………………. to get the solution…………………………. the right one for me…………………………. so I will not be lost…………………………. not taking the wrong way…………………………. that lead me to the dark places…………………………. hope that will not happen…………………………. believe in god will make solution…………………………. the best according to him…………………………. there is no other can be better than him…………………………. he is the best…………………………. keep that in mind ………………………….

feel cocky………………………….

damn it…………………………. don’t do that…………………………. pray for her…………………………. may she become good…………………………. in my view…………………………. she is cocky…………………………. I hope she change…………………………. but I don’t want to say it…………………………. directly to her…………………………. may lord put another person…………………………. to do that job…………………………. or maybe he directly change her heart…………………………. that would be nice…………………………. lets hope…………………………. finger crossed…………………………. keep praying…………………………. lets do the good deeds…………………………. as bait for him…………………………. to make her good ………………………….

weird………………………….

it is clear that they are murderer…………………………. but they are not fired…………………………. keep becoming the cops…………………………. how come bad people become cops…………………………. what will happen to this country…………………………. there are a lot of crooks everywhere…………………………. I am afraid…………………………. afraid of them…………………………. wrong…………………………. I cant be afraid of them…………………………. I can only be afraid of you…………………………. as long as I am good…………………………. he will put the evil things away from me…………………………. so everything is clear…………………………. it all depends on me…………………………. I have to do good deeds…………………………. all the time ………………………….

come here to work………………………….

but I get disturbances many times…………………………. it is okay…………………………. I can still work…………………………. it is good deeds…………………………. do things for family…………………………. god loves this…………………………. then he loves me…………………………. then he grants my wishes…………………………. then he makes me happy…………………………. love that…………………………. wish that to happen…………………………. wish that to appear…………………………. in real life…………………………. in my real life ………………………….

bad news………………………..

small amount of students……………………….. it is scary……………………….. someone had told me about this actually……………………….. but I don’t want to believe……………………….. but it is true……………………….. what is god’s plan……………………….. why did he do this to us……………………….. are we not good enough……………………….. am I not good enough……………………….. do I need to work for more……………………….. I will……………………….. I will do good deeds continuously……………………….. I will spread this kind of virus to others……………………….. thus he will love us as well ………………………..

it has been two days………………………..

the net is off……………………….. irritating me to the max……………………….. oh my god……………………….. hp error……………………….. wifi error……………………….. cant leave workplace……………………….. a lot of classes……………………….. cant work……………………….. there is no net……………………….. need net to work……………………….. the solution is……………………….. to entertain oneself……………………….. make reason to make myself relieve……………………….. there must be something behind all this……………………….. something good……………………….. god’s plan……………………….. his plan is much more better than mine……………………….. if it is not meant for me to work……………………….. then it is not ………………………..

I hate myself……………………..

I come here to work…………………….. to make article…………………….. but…………………….. what the hell…………………….. I don’t do it…………………….. I just download the series…………………….. what to do…………………….. it is scary…………………….. I am scared…………………….. there is a little time left…………………….. I am afraid I cant make it…………………….. I will make it…………………….. god will help me…………………….. I believe that ……………………..

there is so much going on in my head……………………..

to much work…………………….. let me do it one by one…………………….. all of them…………………….. let me finish them…………………….. step by step…………………….. everything will have its own time…………………….. if I don’t finish it now…………………….. then it means I have to finish it later…………………….. there must be reason behind all of this…………………….. too soon is not good…………………….. right? …………………….. don’t rush things…………………….. god doesn’t like it when we rush things ……………………..

nice idea………………….

the ice breaking…………………. they are good, nice, clever, creative…………………. I wish I am like them…………………. but I am not…………………. but someday I will be like that…………………. and more…………………. much more that is the wish…………………. hope god grant this…………………. coz this is good…………………. for my class…………………. so my students will be happy…………………. and I will be happy too…………………. and it will be nice if the air is full of happiness…………………. there will not be bad thoughts around ………………….

snow ball throwing………………….

it was a good idea…………………. the class becomes lively…………………. where is the next class…………………. the next student…………………. the time is over…………………. and she doesn’t come yet…………………. making me irritated…………………. it is annoying…………………. finally she comes…………………. thx god…………………. I feel relieved…………………. it is good…………………. making me happy ………………….

this is nice position………………….

I am very content…………………. oh my god…………………. I feel free…………………. like flying in the sky…………………. becoming wind…………………. hope it happens again…………………. in the closing ceremony…………………. will have wonderful memories…………………. for me…………………. for students…………………. for teachers…………………. for school…………………. for campus…………………. for everybody…………………. for all parties…………………. for god too ………………….

bad thought………………….

naughty thought…………………. stupid…………………. the devils win…………………. they dance in my brain…………………. happily…………………. continuously…………………. unstoppable…………………. invincible…………………. holy ef…………………. this is scary…………………. I fight back…………………. I fight hard…………………. I hope I win…………………. I hope god help me ………………….

hectic schedule………………….

I have to replace mrsm…………………. to go to school…………………. and doing the teaching practice test…………………. and I did it successfully…………………. thx god…………………. and going back to campus…………………. there are a lot of stuff to do…………………. but the net is error…………………. hate that…………………. and I think the net of my own is error too…………………. I hate that a lot…………………. why is it happening in the same time…………………. if it is only one…………………. I can solve it with the other…………………. there must be something behind all of this ………………….

this term………………….

I have to go…………………. I have to leave my classes…………………. but I have plans…………………. before I go…………………. I will give them real meeting…………………. and explain to them about my two-months-leaving…………………. and will give them assignments…………………. for those two months…………………. I hope they are ok…………………. I hope the workplace is ok…………………. I hope god bless this ………………….

pwt is far………………….

go up and go down…………………. if it is like this in every up…………………. then when will we get there…………………. but whatever it is…………………. I hope we get there safely…………………. and we will get home safely too…………………. to our own homes…………………. and we did…………………. everything was fine…………………. everybody was happy…………………. it went smooth…………………. thx god…………………. he blessed us ………………….

1 sept 18 sabtu…………………

gym………………… pul………………… mall……………… ………………… allahuakbar…………………

31 agus 18 jumat…………………

………………… kmps………………… pul………………… gym………………… gorengan………………… pul………………… ped………………… ngaji………………… alfmrt eror………………… parents come………………… allahuakbar…………………

30 agus 18 kamis…………………

sekolah………………… kmpps………………… pul………………… gym………………… wrg………………… allahuakbar…………………

29 agus 18 rabu…………………

sekolah nguji ppl………………… kampus………………… dinus meet nina………………… pul………………… gym………………… allahuakbar…………………

28 agus 18 selasa …………………………

kampus………………… beli printer w sena at amtahari………………… ngantar sena………………… pul………………… pom………………… ped net………………… ngaji………………… allahuakbar…………………