when I wake up…………………………………..

I say to myself that I am letting it go………………………………….. but when I sleep………………………………….. I dream it over and over again………………………………….. I told myself to stop hoping for it………………………………….. to realize that it is not meant for me………………………………….. to continue living………………………………….. but the dream shows me what I really want………………………………….. it sucks………………………………….. is it my unconsciousness………………………………….. making me remember again………………………………….. making me depressed again………………………………….. I force myself not to have too much hope………………………………….. it will depressed me so much………………………………….. not to have wish………………………………….. it will kill you inside………………………………….. not to have any desire………………………………….. it will crush your heart………………………………….. not to have the dependency to others………………………………….. it will ruin your life………………………………….. just live it on your own………………………………….. step by step …………………………………..