my glasses are broken again…………………………………………

the heart is also broken………………………………………… it feels very heavy………………………………………… I didi know………………………………………… i did a very bad thing………………………………………… this is his punishment………………………………………… but still………………………………………… the heavy feeling is there………………………………………… hamust promise to myself………………………………………… to be a good person………………………………………… don’t be like that again………………………………………… in the name of the lord………………………………………… keep trying………………………………………… keep fighting………………………………………… although it is difficult ………………………………………………..

city center is closed……………………………………………………

annoyed…………………………………………………… but being grateful…………………………………………………… my foot were led to the mosque…………………………………………………… i didi pray…………………………………………………… and afterward everything is fine…………………………………………………… meet baskoro…………………………………………………… dinner together…………………………………………………… and such…………………………………………………… it was lovely…………………………………………………… my heart was calm…………………………………………………… the solution was great…………………………………………………… he is great …………………………………………………………….

28 mei 19 selasa………………………………………………………………………………………

kampus……………………………………………………………………………………… kopertis w Pamela……………………………………………………………………………………… wrg nasima……………………………………………………………………………………… wrg buah……………………………………………………………………………………… wrg cilacap……………………………………………………………………………………… jemput nino……………………………………………………………………………………… ngantar Pamela……………………………………………………………………………………… pul……………………………………………………………………………………… sore otw……………………………………………………………………………………… simpang5 ditutup……………………………………………………………………………………… masjid baiturahman……………………………………………………………………………………… baskoro……………………………………………………………………………………… bukber at simpanglims……………………………………………………………………………………… pul……………………………………………………………………………………… allahuakbar………………………………………………………………………………………

27 mei 19 senen………………………………………………………………………………………

kampus……………………………………………………………………………………… pul……………………………………………………………………………………… Pamela……………………………………………………………………………………… kampus jemput bumei……………………………………………………………………………………… bukber panitia se……………………………………………………………………………………… Pamela ambil motor……………………………………………………………………………………… pijet……………………………………………………………………………………… allahuakbar………………………………………………………………………………………

26 mei 19 ming………………………………………………………………………………………

seharian d rmh……………………………………………………………………………………… ill……………………………………………………………………………………… help me lord……………………………………………………………………………………… sore bukber d bu mei……………………………………………………………………………………… allahuakbar………………………………………………………………………………………

25 mei 19 sabtu………………………………………………………………………………………

klinik diantar ciprut……………………………………………………………………………………… apotek……………………………………………………………………………………… café……………………………………………………………………………………… didn’t do fasting……………………………………………………………………………………… I am sorry lord……………………………………………………………………………………… mlm majt……………………………………………………………………………………… allahuakbar………………………………………………………………………………………

24 mei 19 jumat ............................

kampus……………………………………………………………………………………… pulgsk……………………………………………………………………………………… mlm majt……………………………………………………………………………………… alfa……………………………………………………………………………………… allahuakbar………………………………………………………………………………………

what he said stuck on my mind.............................

he said that in this area there is one........................... customer of mass........................... and the comunity of mass know him........................... is it me........................... i hipe not........................... he said that the one likes to send disturbing mess........................... asking for strange things........................... i didint do that........................... ever........................... lets be positive thinking...........................

kerjaan mereka.

katanya aku punya kembaran. jadi pengen ketemu my twin

my heart stubbornly does on it own............................

choosing who it loves............................ it stupidly acts on its own............................ falling for that person........................................................ lovng the one i hate............................ recklessly being absorbed into his aura............................ my head can think rationally........................................................ my brain can judge clearly............................ but this stupid heart............................ i cannt handle this............................ i dont have the energy to control it............................ it is the one who overpowers me............................ i am completely iddiot............................ just wait and see............................ hoping for the best............................ wishing it doesnt do more damage............................ it has been broken so many times............................ the pain is excrutiating ....................................

i thought it was an acne.........................

it hurts and as i remember......................... this kind of hurt will create acne......................... the big one......................... but it turns out to be cold......................... a lot of sneezing......................... running nose......................... coughing many times......................... thx god she taking me there......................... thx god i meet the doctor......................... thx god i get the medicine......................... thx god he sneds me this......................... they say that it proves he still loves me......................... and it is a chance for me......................... to erase my sins......................... so lets enjoy this......................... finishing the med......................... and hoping for the best......................... hoping to get better soon......................... hoping it is not getting worse................................ he knows best ...................................

THX LORD she still needs me...........................

if she doesnt........................... it will be dangerous........................... being grateful as i found the positive in it........................... he shows me this........................... he meets me with her........................... he puts me here........................... it must be good for me........................... sorry if i still have questions........................... sorry if i still doubt........................... i still learn........................... to be always surrender to you........................... to your decision........................... and no more protesting........................... as i think myself is not having that level.................................... being worthy before him........................... i still have a long journey.................................... just walk it slowly .....................................

23 mei 19 kamis\...........................

kampus........................... layat........................... kampus........................... nonton at eplaz........................... pul........................... mlm majt........................... allahuakbar...........................

22 mei 19 rabu...........................

......................... kampus........................... pul........................... bukber at pakyitno........................... allahuakbar...........................

21 mei 19 selasa...........................

…………………………………………………………………… kampus........................... layat pak hj........................... kampus........................... pamela........................... mlm majt........................... allahuakbar...........................

20 mei 19 senen...........................

........................... kampus........................... sore bukber napanop at kalogarong........................... nongki at bk w napanop........................... allahuakbar...........................

19 mei 19 minggu...........................

sore bukber sd........................... mlm taraweh at masjidpanut........................... allahuakbar...........................

18 mei 19 sabtu...........................

om yono w fam........................... ada........................... pul........................... bukber w fam........................... kaligarong eror........................... lombokijo eror........................... lamongan........................... bulik........................... allahuakbar...........................

17 mei 19 jumat …………………………………………………………………….

17 mei 19 jumat........................... kampus........................... mlm majt........................... there are parents........................... allahuakbar...........................

kenangan jalan2 ke karimunjawa bersama teman2 kerja

kenangan jalan2 ke karimunjawa bersama teman2 kerja

many works…………………………………………….

then I got stressed……………………………………………. confused what to do……………………………………………. the mind telling me to go home……………………………………………. but I force myself to stay……………………………………………. but it is useless……………………………………………. I did stay but I don’t know what to do……………………………………………. as there are so much going on in my mind……………………………………………. there are so much works before me……………………………………………. in the name of lord……………………………………………. I hope it will not happen again……………………………………………. I hope I can stay……………………………………………. and doing all the jobs……………………………………………. finishing all the assignments……………………………………………. smoothly……………………………………………. without obstacles……………………………………………. in the name of lord……………………………………………. I hope he hear this pray……………………………………………. I hope this pray gets to him……………………………………………. I hope he grant this pray……………………………………………. I hope he help me …………………………………………….

bppdn and lpdp…………………………………………….

then the first road is kind of blocked……………………………………………. now getting the info that there is another way……………………………………………. in the name of lord……………………………………………. taking this road……………………………………………. I hope it runs smoothly……………………………………………. I hope he help me in this road……………………………………………. trying as best as I can……………………………………………. praying as hard as I can……………………………………………. the result is in his hands……………………………………………. don’t push him……………………………………………. he doesn’t like that……………………………………………. must have a big heart……………………………………………. must accept whatever it comes……………………………………………. coz he knows what best for me……………………………………………. it is not certain that what I want is good for me …………………………………………….

bppdn and lpdp…………………………………………….

then the first road is kind of blocked……………………………………………. now getting the info that there is another way……………………………………………. in the name of lord……………………………………………. taking this road……………………………………………. I hope it runs smoothly……………………………………………. I hope he help me in this road……………………………………………. trying as best as I can……………………………………………. praying as hard as I can……………………………………………. the result is in his hands……………………………………………. don’t push him……………………………………………. he doesn’t like that…………………………………………….

on fire…………………………………………….

on fire on hoping……………………………………………. on hoping to find mr right……………………………………………. mr right with full of love……………………………………………. love for me and my flaws……………………………………………. praying and believing……………………………………………. believing that the pray will be blessed……………………………………………. believing that he will help……………………………………………. believing that he love me……………………………………………. keep loving him……………………………………………. keep getting close to him……………………………………………. keep running towards him……………………………………………. keep making myself better ………………………………………………….

lappy suddenly died……………………………………………………………

making me stressed…………………………………………………………… all my notes are gone…………………………………………………………… I forget what I should do…………………………………………………………… thx lord it can live again…………………………………………………………… but the idm is error…………………………………………………………… being stressed again…………………………………………………………… restarting again…………………………………………………………… thx lord the idm is working…………………………………………………………… keep being confused though…………………………………………………………… thx lord I can finish all the answer key for English class…………………………………………………………… but after that keep being lost ……………………………………………………………

men under trees……………………………………………………………

scary…………………………………………………………… my thought is going back there…………………………………………………………… so this is it…………………………………………………………… the correlation…………………………………………………………… you made me afraid…………………………………………………………… in a way…………………………………………………………… you force me to go home…………………………………………………………… in the name of lord…………………………………………………………… I will take your rule…………………………………………………………… so there it is…………………………………………………………… keep the positive mind…………………………………………………………… I hope all will be fine…………………………………………………………… getting pray full and smoothly’…………………………………………………………… watching all movies without disturbances…………………………………………………………… and there are a lot of more…………………………………………………………… you are the greatest …………………………………………………………………

news from isdb………………………………………………

keep getting email from them……………………………………………… making me hopeful……………………………………………… I hope it is blessed by him……………………………………………… I hope I can pass……………………………………………… I hope I can study abroad……………………………………………… in the name of lord……………………………………………… I hope he knows my intention……………………………………………… he is great……………………………………………… I hope he assist me……………………………………………… I am afraid……………………………………………… of not being helped……………………………………………… of not passing……………………………………………… getting hurt again……………………………………………… I keep thinking of recommendation letter……………………………………………… then it was like that……………………………………………… next I must according to the rule……………………………………………… so I can pass……………………………………………… in the name of lord ………………………………………………

they talk politics…………………………………………

I am stressed they talk bout it………………………………………… I don’t understand………………………………………… they talk in detail………………………………………… as if they know all………………………………………… as if they truly grasp all the occasion………………………………………… they are great………………………………………… they understand it………………………………………… I am not………………………………………… I ignore it………………………………………… I just manage my life………………………………………… maybe this is why I get annoyed………………………………………… maybe I am jealous………………………………………… they have vast knowledge………………………………………… but sometimes they talk too much………………………………………… they seem fanatic………………………………………… spreading the fear………………………………………… making the fear………………………………………… provoking to hate the center………………………………………… let it be………………………………………… just read them trough………………………………………… don’t put it into your heart …………………………………………

if there are bad people in workplace…………………………………………

lord it is scary………………………………………… then I lost the election………………………………………… not I got rejected for study………………………………………… I think some have bad intention………………………………………… I think this is human error………………………………………… I think this is man made………………………………………… I think it is not natural………………………………………… lord help me please………………………………………… protect me from bad people………………………………………… put them far away from me………………………………………… put me close to the good ones………………………………………… make me the good one………………………………………… I will disperse all the good you give me………………………………………… everywhere………………………………………… everytime………………………………………… everyway …………………………………………

don’t want to go home for long…………………………………………

there is error………………………………………… no activities………………………………………… the thought is negative………………………………………… lord help me please………………………………………… I hope you give me assistance………………………………………… give me program………………………………………… till it is close to the d day………………………………………… thus I have reason………………………………………… truly stressful thinking bout going home………………………………………… dear lord………………………………………… send positive into me………………………………………… bout being there………………………………………… bout being here………………………………………… bout me………………………………………… bout them………………………………………… bout all …………………………………………

the award is not for me…………………………………………

it is for the workplace………………………………………… it is for the children………………………………………… it is for this land………………………………………… being rejected is suck………………………………………… it hurts a lot………………………………………… it hurts like hell………………………………………… the pain is excruciating in the beginning………………………………………… now try to be patient………………………………………… calming myself………………………………………… looking for the positives behind all this………………………………………… hoping he show the reason………………………………………… as now I have a lot of negatives ………………………………………… I hope what I think is wrong………………………………………… I hope they are nice to me………………………………………… I hope they don’t have bad intention for me …………………………………………

blackout…………………………………………

no network………………………………………… signal is gone………………………………………… hot air………………………………………… thx lord………………………………………… I survive………………………………………… I can enjoy the moment………………………………………… you are great………………………………………… I hope I can be like this in the future………………………………………… can control my own mind………………………………………… can erase the negatives in me………………………………………… can create the positives in me………………………………………… and can spread all the positive around …………………………………………

everybody keeps silent all this time………………………………………

holding the grudge, the anger, the annoyed, the else……………………………………… lately there are some who pour their feeling into the group……………………………………… about mrj and mrsm……………………………………… so I or we know that all this time……………………………………… they are not good leaders……………………………………… I hope they don’t share their feeling to me……………………………………… don’t badmouth the new leaders in front of me……………………………………… as I must give bad comment too……………………………………… if they do badmouth them before me……………………………………… I hope they realize bout their mistakes……………………………………… I hope they do introspect themselves……………………………………… and now there are mrk and mrse……………………………………… at first I hold grudge for them as I lost in the election……………………………………… now I try to calm myself……………………………………… try not to care about it anymore……………………………………… and there are colleagues……………………………………… then when it were mrj and mrsm……………………………………… they keep silent……………………………………… but they hold grudges apparently……………………………………… now they say frankly bout their feeling in group……………………………………… as an outsider I read them bad……………………………………… it is different from the comments for mrk and mrse……………………………………… I read them nice……………………………………… as for me……………………………………… I will be nice to the previous leaders……………………………………… I will be good to the new leaders……………………………………… I will be great to colleagues ……………………………………… may lord bless us always …………………………………………

16 mei 19 kamis………………………………………………………………….

kampus…………………………………………………………………. Pamela…………………………………………………………………. ari bukber w b farika b very n aliya p sing pfian pasep psena pucup…………………………………………………………………. allahuakbar………………………………………………………………….

15 mei 19 rabu………………………………………………………………….

kampus…………………………………………………………………. Pamela…………………………………………………………………. wrg…………………………………………………………………. tpa…………………………………………………………………. home…………………………………………………………………. pul…………………………………………………………………. mlm majt…………………………………………………………………. allahuakbar………………………………………………………………….

14 mei 19 selasa………………………………………………………………….

kampus…………………………………………………………………. majt…………………………………………………………………. pijet…………………………………………………………………. allahuakbar………………………………………………………………….

13 mei 19 senen………………………………………………………………….

kampus…………………………………………………………………. mlm majt…………………………………………………………………. allahuakbar………………………………………………………………….

12 mei 19 minggu………………………………………………………………….

kampus…………………………………………………………………. mlm majt…………………………………………………………………. allahuakbar………………………………………………………………….

11 mei 19 sabtu………………………………………………………………….

penjahit…………………………………………………………………. ada…………………………………………………………………. kampus…………………………………………………………………. mlm majt…………………………………………………………………. allahuakbar………………………………………………………………….

10 mei 19 jumat………………………………………………………………….

kampus…………………………………………………………………. pom…………………………………………………………………. indosat…………………………………………………………………. pul…………………………………………………………………. wrg…………………………………………………………………. pul…………………………………………………………………. majt…………………………………………………………………. allahuakbar………………………………………………………………….

9 mei 19 kamis………………………………………………………………….

kampus…………………………………………………………………. pamlea…………………………………………………………………. allahuakbar………………………………………………………………….

8 mei 19 rabu………………………………………………………………….

kampus…………………………………………………………………. burgerking bukber w ibas n baskoro…………………………………………………………………. allahuakbar………………………………………………………………….

7 mei 19 selasa………………………………………………………………….

kampus…………………………………………………………………. pulgsk…………………………………………………………………. sore buka d wrtg…………………………………………………………………. pul…………………………………………………………………. mlm taraweh…………………………………………………………………. alfa…………………………………………………………………. wrg…………………………………………………………………. allahuakbar………………………………………………………………….

6 mei 19 senen………………………………………………………………….

not poso…………………………………………………………………. pijet…………………………………………………………………. café…………………………………………………………………. mlm taraweh at majt…………………………………………………………………. penjahit eror…………………………………………………………………. allahuakbar………………………………………………………………….

5 mei 19 minggu …………………………………………………………………………………………………

at ponorogo…………………………………………………………………. makam 1…………………………………………………………………. toko…………………………………………………………………. makam 2…………………………………………………………………. jemput bupoh…………………………………………………………………. dawet jabung…………………………………………………………………. sumoroto…………………………………………………………………. pul…………………………………………………………………. rest…………………………………………………………………. mlm otw…………………………………………………………………. atm…………………………………………………………………. sate…………………………………………………………………. ambtil brg…………………………………………………………………. otw smg…………………………………………………………………. silbi pee on me…………………………………………………………………. rest area…………………………………………………………………. ungaran beli bensin…………………………………………………………………. nyampe…………………………………………………………………. allahuakbar………………………………………………………………….

i am at my loudest when i use my pen..............................

i dont know why it happens.............................. but it feel comfortable.............................. it is different when i use my tounge.............................. everything seems scary.............................. people seems bad.............................. they judge me.............................. all the time.............................. always.............................. i want to hide.............................. behind my pen.............................. under my papers.............................. i am happy this way ................................

pray and believe that he will give it to me .................................

maybe then i didnt put much believe in my pray................................. so it is like this................................. it didnt come true................................. gi hope i get the opportunity to go there again................................. and i will put all my believe in my pray................................. thus it will happen................................. believe he is nice................................. believe he loves me................................. believe he will help me................................. believe he will grant my wish................................. believe he will bless me................................. believe he will be on my side always..................................

three fences...........................

the right is being tight........................... the left is being sticked........................... the back is being nudge........................... at first it is annoying........................... then i think they are the fences........................... sent by him........................... to protect me........................... then i remember all this time........................... my whole life........................... being protected by him always........................... as i am now safe and sound........................... what could be wrong ........................... stupid me........................... not being grateful........................... then being really calm........................... as i am happy........................... realizing what i just realize now........................... want this to happen again and again ........................... keep loving him...........................

love poison.......................................

i shower myself with a lot of romance movies ....................................... rainbow film ....................................... person loves another person ....................................... i force myself to believe in love....................................... hence the mind spread it....................................... hence the aura scatter attachment....................................... hence the air deploy affection....................................... hence the surround disperse armor....................................... hence the love is radiated all over....................................... hence the wish is interspersed throughout the world....................................... hence the pray is seminated to the whole universe....................................... hence the hope is disjected to the far away land....................................... hence the whisper is percolated to mister right....................................... thus he will come to me .........................................

and it is not yet................................

and i forget to bring my ear pieces................................ i hate myself for that................................ lets not do that again................................ keep calm................................ keep writing................................ anything goes on your miind................................ but it is hard to put away the anger................................ as they late................................ as the ear pieces left on the table................................ as the times run non stop................................ the anger build up................................ it is necking................................ stranglng the air on your throat................................ thx lord the presentations are short................................ making me happy a little bit................................ suddenly i put a smile on my face ................................