part1

part1
i do not love him, i hate him. but nobody knows it. just me, my diary, and the one up above. even the person i hate does not know that i hate him. just like the usual, i come for monthly visit. i act very sweet in my visit. what i mean is i do what they ask me to do, not playing around, and mostly quiet. my action is sweet, but not my heart. everytime, every minute, every second, everypart of my heart is filled with hatred. this hatred has a strong root in my heart. i remember the past, time when my grandma tell me a special story. she always told me that mom get real hurt for what my pap had done. she told me, pap left mom for other woman. in her story, pap always on the wrong side. from that i hate pap a lot. not only my grandma, both my aunts told the same to me, just like my grandma. as a child, i was raised by grandma and my aunts. mam got a job in other city. and she always sent money to grandma. my pap remarried. i remember when he visit me and he bring his new family. in front of them, grandma act sweetly. but after they got home, grandma replant the hatred seed to me by telling how miserable mom is. thus i hate pap. then i move to my mom house. now my turn to visit pap monthly. this day i got a new thought. not a good one. now i hate both mam n pap. just think. if they want a divorce why do they create me in the 1st place. why do they bring me to this world. they should think 1st. but the most guilty is the one up above. if he knows that my parents will got divorce, he should made my mom miscarried. thus my life will not be like this. i hate him a lot. i just ask the one, but he does not give me an answer. can u give me an answer, dear diary? here is the thing, when i saw a happy family yesterday, a pap, a mom, and a child, they made me remembering mom. now mom got a new man. they got a new baby. my little sister. if there is only the three of them, there will be a perfect picture. then where is my position? where is my place? who i belong to? who will accept me? i ask to him. but he just quiet. how he could do this to me? he wants to torture me.