feeling alone

feeling alone
feeling alone. everybody left me. i am lazy to move. and i do not want to move there.the computer is dead easily. i hate dead computer. it makes my work uneasy. it blocks my work in some ways. i can not smoothly go through my tasks. and i want to blame someone or something or else. it just is not right. the customer is number one. they are important. talking about customer, i remember the one who makes me angry. he is angry because his phone is broken. and i am angry because he is angry to me. what have i done to deserve this. but i try to understand. he is desperate because his phone is dead. but i can not help him. that is not my desk job. it is another person's desk job. and i am lazy to deliver it. so i just pray to lord that he will get someone fix his phone right away. i just receive a call from a nice customer. i hope he is well. its easy to pray for someone nice. and its very hard and needs a lot of guts to pray for bad persons. but if i am analyze that matter, the right thing is that the bad persons need our pray more than the nice ones. and now i am confused what to complain about. ah yesss... i remember. i should have brought my novel. why didnt u make me. then, i hesitate to bring it because i think there will be crowded calls, but its not. and i wonder what i have to do to kill time. its a wonderful world. to kill time i just read a novel. about a woman who kills people for revenge. i wish i can be that woman. there are a lot of people who hurt me. i want to get revenge. i want to kill them all. but i do not know what the fisrt step to take. its out of my range of life. but i want to get involve in that kind of life. and now i remember the news. they catch mafia in america and italy. and u always know i always dream to have a person of mafia. that would be a great moment of my life. but where can i find a mafia in indonesia? may be i can find it through the net. but can u show me. u know i am stupid in everything. even i am stupid to surf through the net. as u know people always step by step so i can understand the whole things. now i have another thought. what thought! i forget the damn thing. my be i can complain about my brain. its easy to forget everything. can u fix it? i know u can. show me how to maintain my brain in a godd shape. i do not want to be a person who easily forget something. now i want something else to complain. makes me easy to talk to everyone. she is there. and i can not start a conversation. so lord help me pls. i had to write it down. i hate her so much. i wish a bad thing to her. its just do not want to go away. i just wonder how a girl like that can live in this world. and i just wonder when i can get this feeling go away from me.