part2

part2
now that dream that makes me want to commit suicide. i dream about my papa. not only him, he is with his wife and his children. they are another perfect family. in that dream there is not me. then i wonder why i have that dream. why he gives me that dream? the meaning must be that my place is not there. in that family. he wants to tell me that that family does not want me. he wants to tell me that i must be thrown away. diary, i hate him. he makes me jealous. and i hate that. i hate him who make me jealous. i envy all. diary, he says envy is sin. but why he makes me jealous. he wants me to commit sin. he wants me go to hell. he does not want me in heaven. he does not want me make the heaven dirty. coz i am dirty, sinful, he wants me in hell. he wants to hurt me. like now. he always hurts me. he always gives me world's hell. he ruins my life, blackens my rainbow, darkens my light, and also he brings all the sadness to me. he hates me. and i hate him. i think my hatred is impossible to increase. i think my hatred is more than enough. but i am wrong. the truth is my hatred expands, more than before, the guilt is on him, not me. he keeps a perfect person. he does not want to release that person for me. he sais that he is not the one for me. he closes the door. he throws away the key. no. he doesnot do that. he gives the key to other. he thinks that girl is the right person for him.