part4

part4
oh lord. how can it be? why he makes that child suffering under the hot sun. why he makes that child search for food in a garbage can. why he makes that child being a beggar. what he really is doing? he should takes care that child. he should love that child. he should raise that child. he should place that child in a good house, with plenty of food, and lovely parents. that child should not suffer like this. doesnt he know what its meant to be in suffer? isnt he ever in suffer? he should feel the suffer like that child. i can not take it. he is insane. ithas been days i am taking care of him. he is not rumpled anymore. he isnot like before, when the 1st time i bring him into my house. he was so small, thin, dan rumpled. he is no more. he just like a normal kids, just like the other kids. today i take him to preschool. for the 1st time he is away from me. he is entering a new world now. the world full of a littel persons. i see him from far. he has a bright face. he laughs happily. i do not know what the joke he hears. i do not want to go away. i want to wait for him here until the school ends. i do not want to be part from him. he is the one who gives colour to my life. he is the one who makes the rainbow on my sky. how can i leave him here. i cant. i feel happy. for the 1st time in my life i am really happy. my laughs are real. my breath is easy. my walk is fast. just look at him. he never lets go my hand. he laughs loudly when the clown comes near with a funny walk. he drags me to ice cream seller. although its not the 1st time i taste ice cream, but i never get such kind of taste. just look at his face. his ice cream is all over his face. i do not know ho he eats his ice cream, but i think its just the same as me, but how come he can be like that and i am not. wait a minute. is the ice cream all over my face too? quickly i caary him. i look for the nearest toilet. i wash his face and mine. now the time for ferris wheel. the wind blows my face all the time. my head does not have any burden. look! he shakes his head to the right and to the left, following the sound of music coming from distance. there is no burden on his face. there is no tired in his body. not like me. i think the time eats my body. now the time for roller coaster. i was impressed by his gut. wuih! my sweat is all over me. but its worth for i see his face so bright. just like the king of happiness. i do not want to show him my tiredness. and i think i am not tired at all. i tell you its all nothing when i see his bright happy face. i am overwhelmed. but i believe i can be strong in front of him. his face gives me a million strength. it is increasing everytime my eyes catch his happiness. this is how it feels. i just know it. my whole body is in weariness. i wonder how a mom can do all these. raising a kid makes the whole body fatigue. but i know the secret. i know how moms can survive. my heart just like moon got the light from the sun. and the kid is the sun. he gives his happiness through his laughs and his smiles. nothing can replace it. my moon still expect that light. his cuteness and plainess also sprays the light that defeats any lamps. very simple and pure. there is no stain at all. white and clear. i was blessed with all that. he is my angel. but the most important thing is his cleverness. its amazing. i will never forget when the 1st time he can ride a bike. just like me in my childhood. he feels free. just like a dove that can fly away. its too bad my child does not have wings. but he ever get his wings. that is another story of his cleverness. when there was a performance in his pre school, he acted as an angel. he had wings. i thought he really had wings. for me, he is my angel. he is so clever. he can remember his dialog. he can act very well. he is my super clever child. what happen? he got fever. i must take him to the hospital. quick. call a cab. doctor says he had a heart attack. but i think its impossible. i got headache. all night long i wait beside his bed. i hold his hand. i hear all his moan about his pain. i hear all his crying. i hear his problem in breathing. i am there when he awakes from night mare. i am frustated. i do not want to hear what the doctor said. i can not take it. its been a while i dont think about it. now i remember him. i remember how i hate him. now my hatred appears again. its him and no one else. who can create this illness but him? who can torture me but him? no one. only him. he is the only one i hate most. my hatred is on again, burns all the things inside my skin. all is boiling just like lava in the core of the earth. i am buried. i am lost. i give up. i am desperate. where do i search? where do i face? everything is avoiding me. all is his. and i dont like him. i ahte him. i do not want to show my weakness to him. i hide my defeat proximately. now i realize. i realize the strategy he uses.he knows my secret. he knows i can handle all torture he gives to me. he knows i can stand all that. he knows i enjoy all that. he knows all that and he knows how to torture me. he knows my weakness spot. he is good. the kid is my weakness. and he really ruins all my life. i can not take it no more. i can read his pain in hisa face. i cannot see his chest going up and down. it looks hard for him to breath. i am really mad. i hate him ery much. i must get my revenge.