No running water this morning……………….

What the hell………………. No bath………………. No shower………………. No clean………………. Whatsoever………………. Still………………. Have to go to work………………. But then again………………. I do that a lot………………. Going to work………………. Without a bath………………. Hope it wont be a habit………………. It is funny………………. Why does it bother a lot this morning ……………….

The ill has been for awhile now……………….

There is no sign of cured………………. I try to be patient………………. I believe in your promise………………. That ill can erase my sins………………. I hope this long ill………………. Erase my many sins………………. Oh my god………………. I don’t know what to do………………. It comes again………………. The numb feeling………………. The numb in my brain………………. It makes me really uneasy ……………….

I really hate that……………….

I really want that………………. Need for blessing in that………………. I really do………………. Please god………………. Is it ok………………. Inst it enough………………. I wait for so long………………. With this ache in my head………………. In my soul………………. In my spirit………………. Just want you to show me………………. Your blessing ……………….

Holyfuck……………….

That is so damn gorgeous………………. This mind is exploding………………. Too much………………. The imagination………………. The wish………………. The dream………………. Something wrong………………. I don’t know how………………. I don’t know where………………. I don’t know when………………. I am afraid………………. What will happen………………. Hope everything will be ok………………. I surrender to you completely………………. I give you everything I have ……………….

Thx u god……………….

For this illness………………. Remember the phrase………………. That says………………. God loves you………………. By giving you illness………………. So it can erase yours sins………………. Hope that is true………………. By this illness………………. You erase my sins………………. That would be great………………. Super wonderful………………. It is nice………………. Feeling like this………………. You love me ……………….

28 jul 17 jumat……………………….

Wrg………………………. Kampus………………………. Allahuakbar……………………….

27 jul 17 kamis……………………….

Wrg………………………. Kampus………………………. Pulgsk………………………. Klinik………………………. Apotik………………………. Pul………………………. Dijemput satrio………………………. Kepiting nggemeske………………………. Klinik………………………. Pul………………………. Satrio nginep………………………. Sakit batuk………………………. Sakit perut………………………. Allahuakbar……………………….

26 jul 17 rabu……………………….

Kampus………………………. Maksi at seafood singosari w ipah n ika………………………. Kampus………………………. Pulgsk………………………. Allahuakbar……………………….

25 jul 17 selasa……………………….

Kampus………………………. Pulgsk………………………. Cimb………………………. Klinik………………………. Wrg………………………. Allahuakbar……………………….

24 juli 17 senen……………………….

Kampus………………………. Alfmrt ………………………. Allahuakbar……………………….

23 juli 17 minggu …………….

Londri………………………. Pedurungan nunut net………………………. Baiturahman meet satrio………………………. Cl eror………………………. Dpmall maksi at anw………………………. Nonton spiderman………………………. Baiturahman ambil motor………………………. Allahuakbar……………………….

I can busy myself…………….

With a lot of stuffs……………. Though……………. There are some errors……………. Maybe……………. That is the god’s way to punish me……………. For not being with them……………. But thx god……………. The punishment is not tough……………. Love you god……………. Love you so much……………. This writing frightens me……………. I hope you will not give me tough punishment……………. I don’t mean to underestimate you……………. I know you can give me hell to punish me …………….

They are here…………….

I want to run away……………. I don’t want to be with them……………. Being dead at the first night is good……………. Not meeting them……………. Become the committee and be busy is good……………. Not meeting them……………. Then the Saturday night comes……………. Get confused……………. Have nothing to do……………. But finally …………….

Something wrong with my cell…………….

Damn……………. I rename it……………. And the file is gone……………. Stupid me……………. It happens several times……………. And I do it again……………. The same method……………. It shows that I am very stupid……………. It is hard god……………. But I must be tough……………. As tough as the rocks on the seas……………. Because you create me……………. As tough as steel……………. That is your promise …………….

It frightens me…………….

What if I lose my mind……………. I think I am gonna lose my mind……………. But thx god……………. I finish the jobs……………. To buy that credit……………. And to purchase the power source……………. And I visit my old place……………. Thx god again……………. There is an empty seat……………. And I can do my things……………. Writing……………. A lot……………. And the memory comes……………. The ball game……………. The seller gets so excited……………. Got disturbed……………. But not……………. Just see it……………. Seize the moment…………….

Always remember that time…………….

When I lose my sanity……………. Get angry to the committee……………. Coz they are unprofessional……………. That was weird……………. Really weird……………. I forgot to wait for my stuff……………. Then I left……………. It shows my insanity……………. Coz they are here……………. Coz the seller is hot……………. Coz there are so many things to do……………. Oh my god …………….

22 juli 17 sabtu…………….

Kampus……………. Panitia kuliah umum……………. Karaoke at invie w pjoko bmei beka bari pyusuf pkamto atika……………. Kampus ambil mtr……………. Pul……………. Mlm bli pulsa……………. Rolkbl……………. Burjo……………. Pijet……………. Allahuakbar…………….

21 juli 17 jumat…………….

Kampus……………. Pulgasik……………. Servis jamtangan……………. Pul……………. Londri……………. Allahuakbar…………….

20 juli 17 kamis…………….

Kampus……………. W p broto b mei b ikha p aryo alam……………. K jogja……………. By pbroto’s car……………. Seminar at upy……………. Brkt mampir sarapan at bakso soto temple……………. Pul mampir makan at nasipadang secang……………. Kampus ambil motor……………. Allahuakbar…………….

19 jul 17 rabu…………….

Kampus……………. Alfmrt……………. Allahuakbar…………….

18 juli 17 selasa…………….

Kampus……………. Klinik……………. Nyuci motor……………. Pul……………. Nonton at dpmall……………. Allahuakbar…………….

17 juli 17 senen ……………………..

Kampus……………. Pelatihan jurnal……………. Pul gasik……………. Allahuakbar…………….

Two deadly wars………….

Inside my head…………. The activity…………. I don’t have the script…………. I don’t do the preparation…………. But I believe god is with me…………. This thing makes me nervous…………. Then the struck is getting worse…………. The memory of last night…………. It is so easy for him…………. To cut me off…………. It is burdening my chest…………. But I don’t know what to write…………. How to express it…………. I don’t want him to go…………. But he is gone ………….

I don’t want you to go………….

But I don’t want to beg for love…………. Sorry for all I did wrong…………. Sorry for I am who I am…………. This is me…………. I wish…………. Really wish…………. You accept me as I am…………. I never say love…………. But all I do is in the name of love…………. All of them…………. For all this time…………. For you…………. But I think that is not enough for you…………. Painful…………. Very much painful…………. You go…………. Left a pain behind ………….

It is inappropriate………….

Thinking of you…………. In this kind of state…………. This is work…………. A very important one…………. And you disturb it…………. Really bad…………. Oh my god…………. The yawning…………. It cant stop…………. It is on and on…………. Again and again…………. More and more…………. You are tiring me…………. It needs a lot of energy…………. To think about you…………. Hot damn ………….

For you…………….

To love you……………. Without saying I love you……………. Then……………. You fool……………. I don’t want to break up……………. But I don’t want to beg for love……………. Come back……………. Wake up……………. Without I say it……………. ;realize it……………. Know it……………. Be a psychic …………….

Bad news…………….

You cut me off……………. Speechless……………. The pain is too much……………. I cant handle it……………. Then it comes……………. The dark……………. The memory……………. You came with a lot of hope……………. Then you go……………. Left the pain behind……………. For me……………. Damn……………. If you cant see all I have done for all this time……………. You are really stupid …………….

Oh my god…………….

The thing is……………. I should be grateful……………. Coz he wakes me up……………. To see what happen……………. To make right what is wrong……………. So……………. Be thankful……………. Be grateful……………. Getting paranoid……………. Check that room……………. Check the door again……………. Still……………. Paranoid mode on……………. Hope everything will be safe …………….

Religious partner in the city…………….

Powerful partner in your city……………. Hidden……………. Paparazzi……………. Powerful partner in Europe……………. Paparazzi……………. Famous……………. Powerful partner in Africa……………. Elephant shelter……………. Those were my dreams……………. She forgets to close the door……………. And it disturbs my head so bad……………. What will happen……………. If I don’t wake up in the middle of the night …………….

If I see them…………….

The story is amazing……………. Limitless……………. I am jealous……………. That was before……………. Now I force myself not to be jealous……………. Because I have my own story……………. Doesn’t have to be amazing like them……………. Bad experience……………. Wrong room……………. Dead lamp……………. Fall asleep……………. What did I do wrong……………. That I deserve this……………. Blame myself …………….

I am jealous………………

I want to be like them……………… I want to have story……………… Actually I have story……………… But it is a simple one……………… And not famous……………… Whereas I want it to be famous……………… Now I must change my brain……………… It need not to be famous……………… As long as it makes me happy……………… With my own story……………… With my own way……………… With me being my own director……………… I will make it happy ending ………………

Maybe I should love this place………………

Love as much as I can……………… Coz usually god takes away something that I like……………… I want that kind of victory……………… All has life……………… I am not……………… I see their life……………… In group……………… In social media……………… In online……………… All has story……………… I am not ………………

Please don’t forget me………………

Will you put me there……………… The place where I thought it will be safe for me to be me……………… Then again……………… This head says……………… That you place me here……………… Coz you think I am safe here……………… Really? ……………… Can you bring her back……………… She is my safe……………… Please ………………

16 juli 17 minggu……………………..

W dian hendra ciprut saufa…………………….. Jalan sehat at upgris…………………….. Makan at mi ayam pak joko…………………….. Tepar…………………….. Pijet wawan…………………….. Sk…………………….. Alfamart…………………….. Allahuakbar……………………..

15 juli 17 sabtu……………………..

Alfmrt…………………….. Ped nunut net…………………….. Bhsl ps…………………….. Allahuakbar……………………..

14 juli 17 jumat……………………..

Kampus…………………….. Mlm halalbihalal rt…………………….. Allahuakbar……………………..

13 juli 17 kamis……………………..

Alfamrt…………………….. Pom…………………….. Kampus…………………….. Sk…………………….. Allahuakbar……………………..

12 juli 17 rabu……………………..

Kesiangan…………………….. Kampus…………………….. Ss w mei dwi ucup atika…………………….. Alfamrt…………………….. Sk…………………….. Allahuakbar……………………..

11 juli 17 selasa……………………..

Kampus…………………….. Bengkel…………………….. Allahuakbar……………………..

10 juli 17 senen……………………..

Kampus…………………….. Jaga full day…………………….. Allahuakbar……………………..

9 juli 17 minggu ................................

Alfamrt…………………….. Ped nunut net…………………….. Bhsl ps…………………….. allahuakbar……………………..

The lappy……………………

Got error again…………………… Got very afraid…………………… The heart is pounding fast…………………… Got them…………………… For cheating…………………… And the heart got beating faster…………………… I am losing it…………………… What kind of students are they…………………… They are stupid…………………… And they don’t appreciate the lecturers…………………… What will they become…………………… If they become teachers…………………… What will happen to their students…………………… Horror imagination…………………… It is in their hand…………………… The future of their students…………………… The future of this era…………………… Oh lord…………………… Make them right ……………………

To see the answers from a class is making me stressed……………………

The results are all bad…………………… I have made the questions…………………… With all my heart and soul…………………… The process was difficult…………………… But how come is it to be like this…………………… It seems they don’t appreciate my works…………………… They did recklessly…………………… All stupid…………………… Or maybe…………………… Their abilities are on that level…………………… But I tried to teach…………………… With all my strength…………………… Then…………………… What should I do…………………… I am confused…………………… Depressed…………………… Stressed…………………… Insane…………………… What other way is there god ……………………

Should...........................

All is calm........................... Do it by themselves........................... If they are done they should go out........................... If they dont finish they should finish it........................... The reality........................... All is asshole........................... They do together........................... They dont come out........................... You are all stupid........................... Dont have to take the test........................... Go out all of you........................... Asshole........................... Result of their educators........................... The ones who are also stupid........................... Ignorant........................... Who only pay attention to physhical appereance........................... God........................... Why do you put me here........................... Is it my job........................... Make them right........................... Oh god........................... This is very heavy ...........................

Rejected by mrs w................................

Hurt a lot................................ How much more do i have to give you my tears................................ How much more do you need me to feel the pain................................ It is painful god................................ Dear god................................ My saviour................................ How are you today................................ I know you are busy................................ Many people pray to you................................ Many prays you should answer................................ Many problem you should take care................................ But please dont forget me................................ I need you too ................................

8 juli 17 sabtu................................

Kesiangan................................ Kfc................................ Bowo................................ Mlm rapat rt................................ Allauakbar................................

7 juli 17 jumat................................

Kampus................................ Potong................................ Alfmrt................................ Mlm nonton at java w hendra dian ciprut saufa................................ Allahuakbar................................

6 juli 17 kamis................................

kesiangan................................ Kampus................................ Bhsl ps................................ Allahuakbar................................

5 juli 17 rabu................................

Kampus................................ W pur momo mei dwi kamto................................ K bjtg................................ K ws................................ Kampuis................................ Laptop eror by mhsw................................ Servis laptop at matahari................................ Puk................................ Ambil laptop at matahari................................ Baskoro................................ Allahuakbar................................

4 juli 17 selasa................................

Kesiangan................................ Kampus................................ Allahuakbar................................