Want to write a lot…………………………
But I cant…………………………
Want to express what is inside…………………………
But I cant…………………………
The chest feel burdened…………………………
As if a mountain is on top of it …………………………
Sunday, April 29, 2018
But he is honest…………………………
Want to write a lot…………………………
But I cant…………………………
Want to express what is inside…………………………
But I cant…………………………
The chest feel burdened…………………………
As if a mountain is on top of it …………………………
Damn…………………………
Because they sit next to me…………………………
I don’t feel free…………………………
I cant concentrate…………………………
And coz the text from him…………………………
It add salt to my wound…………………………
Make me dizzier…………………………
Stressed…………………………
Crazy…………………………
Arcghhhhhh …………………………
When you know I had fallen so deep for you…………………………
You will act as you wish…………………………
Treat me as you like…………………………
Coz you know that I am willing being treated that way…………………………
Coz I have feeling for you…………………………
Tired…………………………
Want the same age…………………………
the one who works…………………………
so it will balance…………………………
it is not always me who pay…………………………
damn…………………………
I had fallen so deep…………………………
The hurt is excruciating…………………………
Want to scream…………………………
I don’t want to be treated this way…………………………
I have to retreat…………………………
Although it hurts a lot…………………………
Maybe you will find another…………………………
Who will make you happy…………………………
Who are willing to pay for anything…………………………
Who is rich…………………………
Who has a lot of money…………………………
Although I don’t want to…………………………
To let you go…………………………
Fuck…………………………
It hurt…………………………
It sucks …………………………
Suddenly it comes to me…………….
That there is interference…………….
From people of my side…………….
Far away part…………….
Near part…………….
They all do the magic thing…………….
To block me…………….
From this kind of thing…………….
But…………….
Then again…………….
There is this thought…………….
That the one who intervene is him…………….
Oh…………….
That is scary…………….
If he wants it…………….
It will happen for sure…………….
Let it all be in his hand…………….
Just pray…………….
Continuously…………….
Don’t have energy to do that kind of thing…………….
Don’t have power…………….
Weird…………….
Yesterday also…………….
Don’t have energy to climb the hill…………….
Whereas…………….
Long time ago I can climb mountain…………….
The big one and the small one…………….
But now…………….
Weird…………….
Whereas I do my treadmill…………….
So…………….
Whats the solution…………….
Pray before you start doing anything…………….
Every action you do…………….
You must start with pray first…………….
At all cost…………….
No question ask…………….
And give it all to him…………….
Let him decide…………….
Whether you deserve to get strength or not …………….
The plan is…………….
Doing a lot of jobs…………….
But the reality is…………….
Cant do a thing…………….
There is so much going on in my head…………….
Cant concentrate at all…………….
And that…………….
There is him…………….
My mind is constantly on him…………….
And he talks about others…………….
And I get jealous…………….
Irritated…………….
Annoyed…………….
Angry…………….
Salt to my wound…………….
Boiled inside…………….
Very difficult to do anything…………….
At all …………….
Not interesting…………….
Their presentation…………….
The slides are too much…………….
The presentation is too long…………….
It should be…………….
The slides are few…………….
The presentation is short…………….
Directly to the point…………….
If the audience do not understand…………….
There is a qna session…………….
There is time…………….
For me…………….
To sum up…………….
To add…………….
To close…………….
The generation is chaotic…………….
The generation of copy paste …………….
Mistera……………………
Had acknowledged……………………
What……………………
Is it the secret thing……………………
So……………………
What will do……………………
Just act as if nothing happen……………………
Act as usual……………………
It doesn’t matter……………………
Everything will be ok……………………
You are save……………………
God is with you……………………
all the time……………….
all the way……………….
he will never leave you alone……………….
don’t worry……………….
be happy……………….
all is planned perfectly……………….
by him ……………….
Tuesday, April 24, 2018
Water…………………….
It has been off for three days…………………….
Annoyed…………………….
Sad…………………….
Angry…………………….
But I should stay being grateful…………………….
Coz there is still a place…………………….
To get my bath…………………….
Then…………………….
Got the hint…………………….
That maybe…………………….
It is his way…………………….
To make me do family visit…………………….
Coz…………………….
It has been a while…………………….
I am not going there…………………….
I think…………………….
It is good…………………….
And full of blessings …………………….
It must be a thing…………………….
Cannot be money…………………….
It is my fault…………………….
I cant speak up…………………….
I should…………………….
Ask for the money…………………….
I want it that way…………………….
Coz right now I am broke…………………….
I need one…………………….
For dating…………………….
For schooling…………………….
But not…………………….
I hope this fear…………………….
Which resulted in thing…………………….
The thing I chose…………………….
Will give blessings…………………….
For all things I do…………………….
Being criticized…………………….
When doing correction…………………….
It should be supported…………………….
But it is not in fact…………………….
It gets critics…………………….
Remember then…………………….
In the previous place…………………….
It is the same…………………….
A lot of critics…………………….
When I did my correction…………………….
But there is someone who supported me…………………….
Feel nice…………………….
My hope…………………….
I can stand…………………….
With my good deed…………………….
Coz I consider this as good…………………….
My correction is my work…………………….
Hence…………………….
My fund will get blessings…………………….
My pray…………………….
They will realize…………………….
And do the same…………………….
Spread the good…………………….
All over the place …………………….
Suddenly feel hurt…………………….
Remember the two accidents…………………….
The one in the meeting…………………….
When I was not assigned in any part of the job…………………….
And the one in the new classes…………………….
When I was not assigned as home teacher in any classes…………………….
At first I feel positive…………………….
That it has a hidden meaning…………………….
That I will be assigned to others…………………….
As soon as possible…………………….
Maybe move to postgraduate post…………………….
Maybe go to get doctoral program…………………….
Or any other…………………….
Then again…………………….
Just keep silent…………………….
Be patient…………………….
Someday…………………….
I will get the karma…………………….
For all I did…………………….
The good ones…………………….
And the bad ones…………………….
Coz efforts do not betray results …………………….
24 apr 18 selasa………………….
Wrg………………….
Kampus………………….
Pul………………….
Ped………………….
Nunut mandi………………….
Ngaji………………….
Allahuakbar………………….
Air mati2hr………………….
Allahuakbar………………….
22 apr 18 minggu………………….
Seharian d rmh………………….
Alfmrt………………….
Ped ngantar salak………………….
Dpmall………………….
Nongki………………….
Nametag………………….
Baskoro………………….
Pom………………….
Allahuakbar………………….
21 apr 18 sabtu………………….
Asep………………….
Kebon………………….
Lovern by asep………………….
Meet andi………………….
Andi by gojek………………….
Ambil helm………………….
Maksi………………….
Ambilkaostangan………………….
Atm………………….
Piknik nglanggeran………………….
Diner………………….
Andi………………….
Indmrt………………….
Joglomsemar………………….
Otw smg………………….
Gocar………………….
Allahuakbar………………….
20 apr 18 jumat………………….
Kampus………………….
Pul………………….
Sukun by gojek………………….
Yogya by bus………………….
Dijemput asep………………….
Diner………………….
Nginep at asep………………….
Allahuakbar………………….
19 apr 18 kamis………………….
Kampus………………….
Pulgsk………………….
Or eror………………….
Dpmall………………….
Café………………….
Solat………………….
Nonton………………….
Alfmrt meet ichal………………….
Diner at nasgor………………….
Ichal k rmh………………….
Allahuakbar………………….
17 apr 18 selasa………………….
Kamous………………….
Layat ucup’s dad at Kendal ………………….
At riris………………….
Kampus………………….
Allahuakbar………………….
Sunday, April 22, 2018
The two unmatch desires ………………….
The long for wild encounter ………………….
The naughty scenes ………………….
The yearn for romantic duo ………………….
The peaceful settlement ………………….
Holy fuck ………………….
It doesn’t click ………………….
At all ………………….
Far beyond compatible ………………….
Far beyond comparison ………………….
What should I do ………………….
Find the one that meet both requirements ………………….
Where ………………….
Ask him ………………….
ask hard ………………….
Pray him ………………….
Pray hard ………………….
And harder ………………….
The treadmill ………………….
Busy a lot ………………….
I want to exercise as much as I can ………………….
The timw I got I will use it for that ………………….
But I cant do that ………………….
Because of that ………………….
It sucks ………………….
Very bad cursing is in my mouth ………………….
Very sad ………………….
Very annoyed ………………….
Then I don’t want to stay ………………….
Want to go away ………………….
Get my own room ………………….
Oh god ………………….
Help ………………….
Calm me ………………….
Soothe me ………………….
The distractions come again ………………….
What did I do ………………….
I don’t understand ………………….
A lot of things in lap ………………….
A lot of things in cell ………………….
Then I don’t read at all ………………….
At all ………………….
What the hell ………………….
I hate myself ………………….
But ………………….
Then again ………………….
I did a lot of stuffs ………………….
I am not doing anything ………………….
It was a productive moment ………………….
I just don’t know what did I do just know ………………….
But I am sure it was something important ………………….
The distractions come again ………………….
The distractions come again ………………….
What did I do ………………….
I don’t understand ………………….
A lot of things in lap ………………….
A lot of things in cell ………………….
Then I don’t read at all ………………….
At all ………………….
What the hell ………………….
I hate myself ………………….
But ………………….
Then again ………………….
I did a lot of stuffs ………………….
I am not doing anything ………………….
It was a productive moment ………………….
I just don’t know what did I do just know ………………….
But I am sure it was something important ………………….
Money related ………………….
Always feel irritated ………………….
When she asks for it ………………….
Something inside ………………….
Feel unwilling ………………….
Then goes the plan ………………….
To move away ………………….
Get my own room ………………….
Nomore electricity bill ………………….
Nomore water bill ………………….
Nomore food bill ………………….
Just pay it for the room ………………….
And everything is done ………………….
Then the choices ………………….
If I should stay ………………….
If I should move away ………………….
I don’t understand ………………….
Give me a sign ………………….
I will take whatever you decide ………………….
I am confused ………………….
If stay is good for me ………………….
Then I will stay ………………….
If moce away is good for me ………………….
Then I will move away ………………….
Just give me a sign ………………….
Monday, April 16, 2018
The dream continues………………….
The family life………………….
His business………………….
My business………………….
The queen’s assistant………………….
The ambassador of elephant………………….
The kid………………….
And the kid………………….
And again the kid………………….
Many kids………………….
And still teaching………………….
Keep going………………….
Holy ef………………….
I got four things………………….
At the same time………………….
And I think………………….
This is the sign………………….
The order………………….
Is just like that………………….
And if it is applied………………….
It will run smoothly ………………….
Actually………………….
The dream is not the same level………………….
But far above me………………….
Prince-like creature………………….
Pray hard………………….
All of my dreams can come true………………….
See………………….
The dreams are………………….
Getting scholarship in Canada………………….
Moving there………………….
Meeting the one………………….
Become big news………………….
The dating periods photos………………….
The get away place………………….
The Greenland………………….
Get viral………………….
The proposal pictures………………….
With all rotal family members………………….
Get viral………………….
The secret wedding………………….
Five continents………………….
Thirteen countries………………….
And much more………………….
The honeymoon periods………………….
Still………………….
All over the world………………….
The extreme things………………….
The crazy things………………….
The list things………………….
All got viral………………….
The paparazzi’s photos………………….
The me things ………………….
Mren………………….
And suddenly………………….
He asks something………………….
And then remember the ex………………….
The same thing………………….
But I was a fool before………………….
But not anymore………………….
It is the same case………………….
So just learn from before………………….
Stay away………………….
If he starts doing that thing………………….
That nasty thing………………….
Find another one………………….
The one who has the same level as me………………….
That was my hope………………….
My pray………………….
My wish………………….
My dream………………….
But I didn’t get it………………….
But I haven’t get it………………….
Up to now………………….
But never give up………………….
Still searching………………….
That kind of perfect………………….
That will make me happy ………………….
Crazy………………….
Very hot………………….
New member………………….
Want to join………………….
The meeting………………….
But………………….
Afraid………………….
As before………………….
I did come………………….
I did join………………….
But get nothing………………….
Stupid………………….
Very much………………….
Hence………………….
Don’t do that again………………….
Just watch it from afar………………….
Pray harder………………….
Build the fortress………………….
Thick………………….
Tall………………….
Very high………………….
Steel like………………….
Hard………………….
And pray again………………….
Pray harder ………………….
Sunday, April 15, 2018
This is strange ………………………
A ot of distractions ………………………
I am defeated ………………………
Usually this place makes me a winner ………………………
Ignore the cell ………………………
Ignore the lap ………………………
Concentrate reading ………………………
But not this time ………………………
Why ………………………
Is it a sign ………………………
That I am fully stressed ………………………
High level of depression ………………………
God ………………………
Help me ………………………
I need you ………………………
Really bad ………………………
I cant be alone\ ………………………
I am nothing without you ………………………
You are my everything ………………………
My helper ………………………
My savior ………………………
My harbor ………………………
My knight ………………………
My prince ………………………
Too much jobs………………….
And at the same time………………….
I got a lot on my mind too………………….
The reality is ………………….
I am getting scared………………….
He is not responding the text………………….
For a long time………………….
The wish is that he text me back………………….
Is it interfere from god? ………………….
That I should not meet him………………….
Or is it a sign………………….
That something bad is happening to him………………….
But in the end………………….
He text me back………………….
He come………………….
So fast………………….
Amazing………………….
Cheer my day………………….
To the highest level ………………….
15 apr 18 ming……………….
Hotel……………….
Mcd……………….
Ngantar nizar……………….
Sehatian d rmh……………….
Allahuakbar……………….
14 apr 18 sabtu……………….
Ped……………….
Ngumpul……………….
Kondangan at manunggal jati……………….
Ped ambil mtoro……………….
Dpmall……………….
Maxxxcooffee……………….
Meet tio……………….
Meet nizar……………….
Hotal……………….
Javamall……………….
Atm……………….
Pizza……………….
Belanja……………….
Hotel……………….
Allahuakbar……………….
13 apr 18 jumat……………….
Kampus……………….
Ped……………….
Jumatan……………….
Ambil mtr……………….
Dpmall……………….
Indmrt……………….
Allahuakbar……………….
9 ap 18 senen……………….
Kampus……………….
Burjo……………….
Amaris jemput andi……………….
Foodcourt undip……………….
Dpmall nonton……………….
Indopoint……………….
Ngantar andi……………….
Indmrt……………….
Allahuakbar……………….
8 apr 18 ming ………………………………
Seharian d rmh……………….
Pergi w ciprut n saufa……………….
Jemput dian……………….
Semawis……………….
Ngantar dian……………….
Allahuakbar……………….
Saturday, April 14, 2018
The plans are………………………
Doing scholarship things………………………
Doing proposal things………………………
Doing article things………………………
Doing bipa things………………………
But………………………
In the end………………………
I end up watching videos………………………
The distractions are so full of temptations………………………
Then what………………………
Don’t know………………………
This is free time………………………
Do nothing………………………
Whereas I have a lot of things………………………
I blame myself………………………
It is always like this………………………
How can it happens………………………
What is the solution………………………
I try really hard to force myself………………………
To do those things………………………
But the result is none………………………
Holy efffffffff ………………………
Sunday, April 8, 2018
Mrjee………………………………
I should wake up early………………………………
To join the group to go to cil………………………………
But apparently I cant do it………………………………
Feel guilty………………………………
Feel afraid………………………………
It will affect………………………………
To my relationship………………………………
With him………………………………
I should not be afraid………………………………
Surrender all to him………………………………
I know it is my mistake………………………………
But I did apologize………………………………
God knows all ………………………………
Mrdee………………………………
He causes problem………………………………
I stop………………………………
I cant take it………………………………
God………………………………
I am confused………………………………
If my decision is right………………………………
It seems he acts carelessly………………………………
Use money as he likes………………………………
I hope he finds his way………………………………
I hope you bless my decision ………………………………
Suddenly remember………………………………
How did he treated me………………………………
And now………………………………
I got news about him………………………………
How bad he was treated………………………………
By the big boss………………………………
Is it karma………………………………
I hope it is………………………………
The case is almost the same………………………………
He didn’t allow me to take the course I want………………………………
And now………………………………
He wasn’t allowed to take the course he wants………………………………
See………………………………
The smile is mine………………………………
Karma presents itself………………………………
Beautifully………………………………
Sincerely………………………………
Yours………………………………
I am sorry if I am happy ………………………………
Afraid………………………………
Suddenly the lappy is dead………………………………
Is it broken………………………………
Does it need service………………………………
I don’t have money at the moment………………………………
Want to join bipa………………………………
Want to join kkln………………………………
But I don’t have the fund………………………………
The fund I won is for guarantee………………………………
School him………………………………
Afraid if he suddenly needs it………………………………
Then I don’t have it………………………………
God………………………………
Give me solution………………………………
I should not be afraid………………………………
Believe in the principle………………………………
That everything will be provided………………………………
Just like the lecturer said in unisula………………………………
When wee need it………………………………
Fund suddenly appearsv………………………………
Out of nowhere………………………………
Because god knows………………………………
We need money………………………………
For something positive………………………………
Not negative ………………………………
Cant concentrate………………………………
Tired………………………………
Stomachache………………………………
Angry………………………………
I am sorry lord………………………………
This is for you………………………………
But it is so hard………………………………
I try so hard………………………………
I hope you are okay with this………………………………
I hope you accept this………………………………
Coz this truly sincerely comes from my deepest heart ………………………………
7 apr 18 sabtu………………………………
Seharian d rmh………………………………
Mlm k majt………………………………
Meet ical fahrezy………………………………………………………………
Indmrt………………………………
Allahuakbar………………………………
6 apr 18 jumat………………………………
Kampus………………………………
Dpm………………………………
Ped………………………………
Allahuakbar………………………………
5 apr 18 kamis………………………………
Kampus………………………………
Mall w ari n eka………………………………
Pom………………………………
Ped ambil kado………………………………
Allahuakbar………………………………
3 apr 18 selasa………………………………
Wrg………………………………
Kampus………………………………
Dpm………………………………
Meet gusti………………………………
Ped………………………………
Ngaji………………………………
Allahuakbar………………………………
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