sutiyah foundation…………………………..

paying tuition………………………….. for a lot of boys………………………….. in orphanage………………………….. till they graduate………………………….. till they get their doctoral………………………….. and the elephants too………………………….. having land in Africa………………………….. creating elephant hospital………………………….. elephant zoo………………………….. elephant sanctuary………………………….. elephant safari………………………….. both of them go hand in hand………………………….. both of them become succeed………………………….. both of them getting blessed………………………….. from him …………………………..

the dream…………………………..

the foundation………………………….. mister Indonesia………………………….. having shows………………………….. the competitions………………………….. the pagents………………………….. many of them………………………….. held in Indonesia………………………….. with indonesian participants………………………….. international juries………………………….. take care f the winner………………………….. only the winner………………………….. getting contract for him………………………….. international contract………………………….. having tv shows………………………….. having films………………………….. succeed on them………………………….. with his blessing …………………………..

still have Indonesian citizenship …………………………

buy a lot of lands ………………………… houses ………………………… making business of boarding houses ………………………… the dream of my life ………………………… may lord bless this ………………………… it will be nice ………………………… it will make me happy ………………………… so what I think ………………………… don’t know bout him ………………………… don’t know what he thinks bout this ………………………… don’t know what he plans for me ………………………… may this thing include in his plans ………………………… lets pray hard ………………………… and harder ………………………… to make it come true …………………………

royal fam …………………………

getting there ………………………… meeting the prince ………………………… getting along well ………………………… having an affair ………………………… getting official ………………………… not coming home ………………………… after graduation ………………………… go to his place ………………………… live there ………………………… getting famous ………………………… paparazzi is everywhere ………………………… getting invitation ………………………… many tv shows ………………………… high rating ones ………………………… coz of me ………………………… the royals watch ………………………… telling me what to do ………………………… how to do it ………………………… how to act ………………………… how to speak ………………………… what to speak ………………………… how to answer ………………………… what to answer ………………………… hot to sit ………………………… they control everything ………………………… and the tv party ………………………… they have my history ………………………… like the fam said ………………………… I come from the royal too ………………………… then also the tv party ………………………… got the evidence ………………………… of old photos ………………………… the Indonesian royals and the western invaders ………………………… then there is a person in it ………………………… that look like me a lot ………………………… holy ef ………………………… I was reincarnated …………………………

imagining sis gets married …………………………

then I will be alone ………………………… then I come undone in her wedding ………………………… cry river and more ………………………… and she held me tight ………………………… and she moves out ………………………… but we will have a wonderful bond ………………………… getting closer ………………………… get to know each other better ………………………… visit her a lot ………………………… ask permission to the brother in law ………………………… to go together ………………………… shopping ………………………… sight seeing ………………………… hanging out ………………………… travelling ………………………… all over the place ………………………… in his blessing …………………………

dream of country k …………………………

getting famous first ………………………… live in k ………………………… become guest on rm ………………………… then become permanent ………………………… then I can imitate all guests ………………………… then I ask for expensive dinner ………………………… to their managers ………………………… all of them ………………………… one by one ………………………… got them all ………………………… one by one ………………………… go all over places ………………………… on them ………………………… japan ………………………… thai ………………………… Singapore ………………………… hongkong ………………………… china ………………………… mongol ………………………… Russia ………………………… and more …………………………

afraid that she will go into my life …………………………

interfere it ………………………… intervene it ………………………… my section ………………………… my part ………………………… and then I get annoyed ………………………… then we don’t get along well anymore ………………………… we are fine up to now ………………………… wait ………………………… is it ………………………… it is not ………………………… I always have a grudge for her ………………………… in my heart ………………………… but I don’t say it out loud ………………………… I keep it by myself ………………………… and just share it with him ………………………… should I say it put loud ………………………… make her realize it ………………………… what is wrong ………………………… what is right ………………………… may lord help her ………………………… may lord help me ………………………… may lord help us …………………………

about dd …………………………

she harries her brother ………………………… her brother cant be harried ………………………… she gets angry, irritated ………………………… is she jealous ………………………… of him ………………………… of his succeed ………………………… he treats him bad ………………………… she asks others to do the same ………………………… badmouthing him everywhere ………………………… pray for her ………………………… that her business will run well ………………………… it will go well ………………………… she will get a lot of income ………………………… she will be calm and happy ………………………… she will get along well with fam ………………………… no more quarreling ………………………… no more badmouthing ………………………… she loves lord ………………………… lord loves her ………………………… lord will protect her …………………………

about dd …………………………

about dd ………………………… she harries her brother ………………………… her brother cant be harried ………………………… she gets angry, irritated ………………………… is she jealous ………………………… of him ………………………… of his succeed ………………………… he treats him bad ………………………… she asks others to do the same ………………………… badmouthing him everywhere ………………………… pray for her ………………………… that her business will run well ………………………… it will go well ………………………… she will get a lot of income ………………………… she will be calm and happy ………………………… she will get along well with fam ………………………… no more quarreling ………………………… no more badmouthing ………………………… she loves lord ………………………… lord loves her ………………………… lord will protect her …………………………

error massage …………………………

bad mood ………………………… I have to go there ………………………… and the process is too long ………………………… and it is expensive ………………………… and the service is not okay ………………………… and he talks too much ………………………… he acts strangely ………………………… he seems to ask for more ………………………… and I have a bad thought ………………………… that my money is disappearing when I fall asleep ………………………… lets not go there again ………………………… lets try others ………………………… there are still plenty ………………………… recommendation from them ………………………… want to try it all ………………………… one by one ………………………… but it is expensive dreams ………………………… may lord help ………………………… may lord bless it ………………………… may lord grant this …………………………

I forgot the Thursday …………………………

and it is very annoying ………………………… my head ………………………… my brain ………………………… mu heart ………………………… I become restless ………………………… how can it be ………………………… meanwhile it is just yesterday ………………………… and I forget it all ………………………… it is scary ………………………… I am scared that it is some kind of disease ………………………… disease of forget easily ………………………… don’t be afraid ………………………… ask him ………………………… to always protect me …………………………

I almost hit another motorcycle …………………………

I am sorry ………………………… I got in a rush ………………………… in a hurry ………………………… not be careful ………………………… careless ………………………… put others in danger ………………………… sorry lord ………………………… I will not do it again ………………………… I will be careful ………………………… will drive safely ………………………… make environments save ………………………… and peaceful ………………………… with you in it …………………………

car …………………………

it is not mine ………………………… it is my sister’s ………………………… come from her dad ………………………… so if I want to use it ………………………… I must ask her permission ………………………… but they say it is mine ………………………… is it a pray from them ………………………… the saying goes words are prays ………………………… I hope so ………………………… someday I will have it ………………………… on my own ………………………… in the name of lord ………………………… I hope he blesses this will …………………………

how can it be …………………………

crying ………………………… watching Korean music video ………………………… what the ef ………………………… mellow cycle is coming ………………………… don’t know what to do ………………………… cry over everything ………………………… every little things triggers the tears ………………………… lets enjoy the ride ………………………… and make it hand in hand ………………………… with the pray ………………………… lets report it ………………………… to him ………………………… ask him ………………………… why this ………………………… why this way ………………………… why makes me this way ………………………… not protesting ………………………… just asking …………………………

the documents are missing they said …………………………

then it makes the situation feel uneasy ………………………… they get angry to each other ………………………… next don’t send letter there anymore ………………………… keep praying for them ………………………… so that they will get along well ………………………… get along well till the end ………………………… the end of time ………………………… when lord calls them ………………………… they love lord ………………………… lord loves them ………………………… protect them ………………………… always ………………………… till the end of time …………………………

there are many revisions in my documents …………………………

my head want to burst ………………………… in the name of lord ………………………… I will do it one by one ………………………… slowly but sure ………………………… don’t have to be hectic ………………………… don’t have to be in hurry ………………………… keep praying ………………………… ASKing for blessing ………………………… asking for smoothness ………………………… he will listen ………………………… he loves me ………………………… he will guards me ………………………… without stopping ………………………… on and on …………………………

lord …………………………

I hope I can pay my debt soon ………………………… I feel uneasy ………………………… I usually borrow from office ………………………… they deduct it from my salary ………………………… I don’t have to have business with others ………………………… I feel good ………………………… this is not ………………………… I have to and I must ………………………… this is the first time ………………………… I don’t feel good at all ………………………… I feel disturbing them ………………………… I don’t want to be like this ………………………… I just only want to disturb you ………………………… only you ………………………… coz I love you …………………………

want to stay there ……………………..

free as much as possible …………………….. do what I want …………………….. what I can …………………….. happy unlimited …………………….. with people like me …………………….. the dream land what it is called …………………….. kingdom of my heart …………………….. with him there …………………….. being the sun …………………….. to give light to all …………………….. being the moon …………………….. to guide us all in the dark …………………….. being the wind …………………….. to calm us all when we are in heat ……………………..

remember dd ……………………..

always retelling the past …………………….. about my stupid …………………….. but now …………………….. in my eyes …………………….. she does stupid …………………….. like what I did before …………………….. if she is wrong she insists that she is right …………………….. and when all proofs prove her wrong …………………….. she ignores everything …………………….. she acts as if nothing happens …………………….. don’t want to apologize …………………….. don’t want to admit that she is wrong …………………….. lord …………………….. weird …………………….. hope she realizes it soon …………………….. and there will not many victims ……………………..

angry at aunt ……………………..

about usa …………………….. about money …………………….. she acts wise …………………….. telling me not to go free there …………………….. then I get boiled inside …………………….. coz I want to be free there …………………….. very much free …………………….. and she talks about money …………………….. telling me to save money …………………….. get boiled inside again …………………….. coz she doesn’t know …………………….. that I spend money for him …………………….. to pay his tuition …………………….. this things make me proud of myself …………………….. and make myself believe that I am worthy to stand before him …………………….. …………………….. …………………….. to make him happy …………………….. …………………….. to make lord happy …………………….. to make me happy ……………………..

mrb is great ……………………..

wonderful …………………….. amazing …………………….. extraordinary …………………….. beyond believe …………………….. he helps me when I am in so much trouble …………………….. I am grateful …………………….. …………………….. he is so great …………………….. he can control my lappy …………………….. from far away land …………………….. and I am grateful …………………….. he is very patient …………………….. to face me …………………….. to handle me …………………….. it is gods send …………………….. he is gods send …………………….. I am very grateful to have a friend like him ……………………..

mrf n mrs and others ……………………..

ask for treats …………………….. forcefully …………………….. it hurts …………………….. coz I don’t have money …………………….. and they force it …………………….. and her …………………….. mrsp said that my program will be cancelled …………………….. it hurts …………………….. …………………….. coz words are prays …………………….. it is scary …………………….. I am afraid what she said will come true …………………….. and unshamefully …………………….. she asks for souvernirs …………………….. hot damn …………………….. hope lord doesn’t listen to her ……………………..

I imagine this……………………….

being come undone………………………. in your house………………………. I am sorry I postpone it………………………. going to your house………………………. I hope you don’t get angry to me………………………. I promise………………………. after I go home from there………………………. I will go to your house………………………. with all my love………………………. I present them to you………………………. then there is that dream still………………………. to be caught in your house………………………. being trapped………………………. all of my life………………………. till you call me………………………. to face you ……………………….

I did come here……………………….

this is third………………………. remember mra………………………. remember mas toyib………………………. now is mrb………………………. this is a sign………………………. about him………………………. about me………………………. about him and me………………………. crazy………………………. stupid………………………. hell mind………………………. hell thought………………………. hell brain………………………. hell attitude………………………. hell creature………………………. is it………………………. I don’t think so………………………. we are gods love………………………. we are gods creature………………………. we are gods perfect ……………………….

me……………………….

I cant concentrate………………………. a lot of thoughts………………………. running in my head………………………. crowded………………………. him………………………. confused what should I think of him………………………. what should I do in front of him………………………. afraid that he can read me………………………. want him to be my partner………………………. group of men………………………. I feel inferior to them………………………. thinking that they are cleverer than me………………………. they are more than me in every aspect………………………. group of women………………………. wanting to be coupled………………………. afraid to be coupled………………………. afraid that the dark past will repeat again………………………. others………………………. all of them are disturbing………………………. becoming very sensitive ……………………….

make friend and get close to those who will go to mecca……………………….

before and after……………………….………………………. because they are guarded by angels………………………. I want that too………………………. always being guarded by angels………………………. make my own imagination………………………. dreaming………………………. that by often doing good deeds………………………. thus angels are also often be around me………………………. front back left right above under………………………. protect me………………………. nice imagination………………………. wish lord grant this ……………………….

no gym……………………….

it has been a while………………………. I don’t go there anymore………………………. lord………………………. I want to go there………………………. give me blessing………………………. give me time………………………. give me money………………………. yesterday I stop because of the money thing………………………. because suddenly my money become very limited………………………. and I am very afraid………………………. in the name of lord………………………. I don’t have to be afraid anymore………………………. I should go there again………………………. in the name of lord………………………. he will bless this………………………. because this is good………………………. this is healthy ……………………….

many times I failed……………………….

input data online………………………. because there are so many disturbances………………………. when I search the data………………………. it is disappeared………………………. when I teach………………………. it is disappeared………………………. when I meet boss………………………. it is disappeared………………………. how many times should I repeat………………………. then I got news………………………. don’t process visa ye………………………. wait for the next news………………………. the update one………………………. from them………………………. oh………………………. maybe that I fail all this time………………………. it is actually because of him………………………. he prevents me to do something unwanted………………………. he asked me to fail………………………. wow………………………. I am amazed ……………………….

they bully me again……………………….

ask for treat………………………. and say that I will not go there eventually………………………. it burnt me inside………………………. take it easy………………………. pray to lord………………………. pray harder………………………. may he saves me………………………. may he loves me………………………. may he grants my wish………………………. with all the hard things I receive from them………………………. I should stand tall………………………. held my head high………………………. never back down………………………. I believe he is beside me………………………. always ……………………….

I don’t have money……………………….

must borrow from fam………………………. if it is not them I don’t know where………………………. remember them………………………. tthey don’t know how it is very difficult for me………………………. lack of money from here and there………………………. I have a thought that I should stop putting money on mosques………………………. but I am afraid……………………….………………………. that is god’s part………………………. if I stop………………………. I am afraid he will get angry with me………………………. remember what he says………………………. if it is fund for him………………………. we should not disturb it at all………………………. if we need money………………………. still we cant disturb his portion………………………. he will add your blessing from an unexpected direction ……………………….

there is so much heavenly kids………………………..

but they are outnumbered……………………….. by the hellish bastard……………………….. and somehow……………………….. I like it……………………….. so it means……………………….. I am one of them……………………….. hell creatures……………………….. it is scary……………………….. do I have another form……………………….. that I do not know……………………….. and he knows ………………………..

getting disturbance in office………………………..

getting disturbande in aunt place……………………….. I should go to mall……………………….. café……………………….. must spend money……………………….. get calm……………………….. get net……………………….. if it must be it……………………….. then it will be it……………………….. dear lord……………………….. bless this way……………………….. bless my way……………………….. don’t leave me……………………….. be on my side……………………….. always……………………….. please ………………………..

pity you………………………..

couldn’t buy food by yourself……………………….. lets see……………………….. take all their bully……………………….. if I cant handle this anymore……………………….. I will disappear again……………………….. like before……………………….. that is my expertise……………………….. I will calm myself……………………….. in my alone time……………………….. as it used to be……………………….. and it will always be……………………….. I love my alone time……………………….. with him……………………….. only him……………………….. coz he is the best for me ………………………..

dear lord………………………..

I want to process it……………………….. but it is error……………………….. you are the almighty……………………….. until which patient limit it will be……………………….. I should stand for it……………………….. lord help me……………………….. like I love you……………………….. smoothen all my business……………………….. calm my heart……………………….. protect me……………………….. don’t make me sad……………………….. you are the almighty……………………….. only you can help me……………………….. to solve all of this ………………………..

I am always strong enough………………………..

to stand alone……………………….. but before you……………………….. I am crumbling down……………………….. I come undone……………………….. I am nothing……………………….. let me be yours only……………………….. no one will have me……………………….. but you……………………….. only you……………………….. everyone can hate me……………………….. except you……………………….. not you……………………….. if you do……………………….. I will die ………………………..

I am stupid………………………..………………………..

there was a sign……………………….. from lord……………………….. through them……………………….. make my heart restless……………………….. but I ignored them……………………….. I don’t process it……………………….. now I think he give me signal again……………………….. but the time is limited……………………….. lets see……………………….. lets process……………………….. in the name of lord……………………….. and thx god……………………….. I had a great news……………………….. I do not need a new one……………………….. it is the same……………………….. I am relieved ………………………..

if I am hungry, they don’t give me food………………………..

if I am full, they give me food……………………….. it is annoying……………………….. be patient……………………….. lets buy it later……………………….. a lot of it……………………….. make myself satisfied……………………….. thx lord……………………….. I did that……………………….. I was happy……………………….. I was content……………………….. and I have a deep happy sleep……………………….. till you wake me up……………………….. happily ………………………..

it comes to me…………………………………………

lets do this………………………………………… fasting………………………………………… till the day comes………………………………………… till the end………………………………………… till the last drop………………………………………… of hope………………………………………… of time………………………………………… of blood………………………………………… so he will know………………………………………… that I want this………………………………………… and how I depend on him………………………………………… completely………………………………………… how I love him………………………………………… dearly …………………………………………

do you ever wake up in the middle of your deep sleep…………………………………………

and you try so hard to grasp for air………………………………………… you feel there is no air around you………………………………………… and you hear yourself………………………………………… your mouth whisper a name………………………………………… of your grandma………………………………………… who passed away a long time ago………………………………………… you did miss her………………………………………… you want to meet her………………………………………… but you cant………………………………………… the best way for loving her is………………………………………… send pray………………………………………… as he promises………………………………………… that he will take care of her………………………………………… if you pray hard………………………………………… and harder …………………………………………

I also am afraid I cant fund myself……………………………………………….

my daily life………………………………………………. I cant afford things necessary in office………………………………………………. I cant afford things related to usa………………………………………………. I sacrifice a lot………………………………………………. I don’t join seminars………………………………………………. I don’t have fund………………………………………………. god help me ……………………………………………….

oh my god……………………………………………….

my fund is very limited………………………………………………. it is scary………………………………………………. I cant hangout in café………………………………………………. I cant watch movies………………………………………………. I cant go to gym………………………………………………. but that is okay………………………………………………. the scarier is………………………………………………. I cant continue pay his tuition until he graduates………………………………………………. don’t be afraid………………………………………………. god will help ……………………………………………….

21 sep 18 jumat…………………………………………..

kampus………………………………………….. wrg………………………………………….. bhsl ps………………………………………….. alfmrt………………………………………….. ped………………………………………….. ngaji………………………………………….. allahuakbar…………………………………………..

20 sep 18 kamis…………………………………………..

kampus………………………………………….. ped………………………………………….. net………………………………………….. kampus………………………………………….. mas rendy………………………………………….. allahuakbar…………………………………………..

19 sep 18 rabu…………………………………………..

kampus………………………………………….. took roti w rempong………………………………………….. rs tilik mbak di………………………………………….. kampus………………………………………….. nyuci mobil………………………………………….. allahuakbar…………………………………………..

18 sep 18 selasa…………………………………………..

kampus………………………………………….. ngurus surat rector………………………………………….. tiki………………………………………….. pul………………………………………….. mlm ped………………………………………….. net………………………………………….. ngaji………………………………………….. allahuakbar…………………………………………..

17 sep 18 senen…………………………………………..

kampus………………………………………….. gym………………………………………….. allahuakbar…………………………………………..

16 sep 18 minggu …………………………….

………………………………………….. parang tritis………………………………………….. maksi at jogja………………………………………….. masjid………………………………………….. mall galleria antar zaki………………………………………….. magelang antar udin………………………………………….. asmg………………………………………….. diner at super penyet………………………………………….. meet awi………………………………………….. ngantar tenda………………………………………….. gojek………………………………………….. pul………………………………………….. allahuakbar…………………………………………..

I am sick ………………………………..

lilsis is going away ……………………………….. nobody takes care of me ……………………………….. it is okay ……………………………….. I must be strong ……………………………….. I can handle it on my own ……………………………….. I hope this sick is swab of my sins ……………………………….. as he promises ……………………………….. and I wish I am strong enough ……………………………….. to face all of this ……………………………….. in my alone time ……………………………….. with him ………………………………..

what else ………………………………..

before there is mrk ……………………………….. now there is mrs ……………………………….. not free ……………………………….. cant express myself ……………………………….. is it his way to block me ……………………………….. from something negative ……………………………….. to walk in the right path ……………………………….. with his direction ……………………………….. his guidance ……………………………….. doing article ……………………………….. and mrr ……………………………….. I did go there ……………………………….. I did not meet him ……………………………….. he is busy ……………………………….. in the name of lord ………………………………..

last night I say no to mrz ………………………………..

I am afraid it will give me negative effects ……………………………….. and now I feel it ……………………………….. I feel it is too calm ……………………………….. it is unusually calm ……………………………….. I am afraid something bad will happen ……………………………….. don’t be afraid ……………………………….. you should afraid of nothing but him ……………………………….. he will help ……………………………….. if you do nothing bad ……………………………….. he will smoothen your process ……………………………….. he will give ways ……………………………….. solutions and stuffs ……………………………….. you just need to love him ……………………………….. I do ………………………………..

15 sep 18 sabtu…………………………….

……………………………. gojek……………………………. superindo……………………………. dijemput ibas n baskoro……………………………. tawang jemput zzaki……………………………. maksi at bu sumo banyumanik……………………………. magelang jemput udin……………………………. parang tritis……………………………. allahuakbar…………………………….…………………………….