I see fat on my chin………………………………………………………

it is annoying……………………………………………………… but i should accept it……………………………………………………… i should be happy about it……………………………………………………… as long as i am healthy……………………………………………………… but i will not stay still……………………………………………………… i will do my sprot again……………………………………………………… i will exercise a lot……………………………………………………… thus it will be gone……………………………………………………… i hope so……………………………………………………… i will tired myself to the max……………………………………………………… i will sweat a lot……………………………………………………… i will make myself better……………………………………………………… i will make myself having a good shape……………………………………………………… for my own sake……………………………………………………… if anything come after that……………………………………………………… then it will be a gift from lord ……………………………………………………………

lump in eye……………………………………………………….

I am afraid that this is a very severe illness………………………………………………………. then I should take the surgery………………………………………………………. then the surgery failed………………………………………………………. then I am blind………………………………………………………. lord I am afraid………………………………………………………. lord protect me please………………………………………………………. lord help me please………………………………………………………. lord make me healthy please………………………………………………………. lord love me please………………………………………………………. lord I love you………………………………………………………. I hope it is nothing………………………………………………………. I hope it is only a mere sickness………………………………………………………. I hope it can cure itself ………………………………………………………….

lord...............................

it is very slow............................... i am annoyed............................... there are a lot of jobs queueing............................... i hope it will be smooth after this............................... so i can finish all the jobs that are practically lining up there............................... so i will be debt free............................... no it is not like that............................... there are so many debts left............................... at least my debts will be reduced ............................... if i can finish some of it now ...............................

they act they know it all………………………………………………

in the name of lord……………………………………………… getting annoyed……………………………………………… in the name of lord……………………………………………… I cant be angry……………………………………………… in the name of lord ……………………………………………… give it all to him……………………………………………… in the name of lord……………………………………………… take the positive side……………………………………………… from all their words there must be something positive in it……………………………………………… and all of this must have a hidden reason from him……………………………………………… though I don’t know what his intention……………………………………………… so just let us have positive thinking……………………………………………… and I am sure they have good intention……………………………………………… it is impossible for them to have negative intention……………………………………………… if they do have negative reason……………………………………………… hope he forgive them all……………………………………………… and I hope he always protect me……………………………………………… and I hope he always love me……………………………………………… stay positive thinking all the time……………………………………………… stay loving him till the end …………………………………………………………

if I prepare it, I don’t meet them………………………………………………

if I don’t prepare it, I meet them……………………………………………… making me annoyed……………………………………………… but I cant be irritated……………………………………………… maybe there is reason why it happens……………………………………………… though I don’t know what it is……………………………………………… though I don’t know it yet……………………………………………… keep positive thinking……………………………………………… maybe someday I will now the reason……………………………………………… maybe someday he will tell me the reason……………………………………………… accepting it all with big heart……………………………………………… keeping smile to all……………………………………………… keeping love him ………………………………………………

I have been sick for days………………………………………………

I hope it can wipe all my sins……………………………………………… and taken there by mrb……………………………………………… getting a lot of things……………………………………………… I hope all of it make me healthy……………………………………………… having food……………………………………………… getting drink……………………………………………… enjoying smoke……………………………………………… hearing speech……………………………………………… healthy for my soul……………………………………………… and healthy for my body……………………………………………… never lose faith……………………………………………… always believe in lord ………………………………………………

always think bout good things………………………………………………

plan good things……………………………………………… expect good things……………………………………………… should be sensitive……………………………………………… pray for all……………………………………………… for family……………………………………………… for neighbor……………………………………………… for friend……………………………………………… for coworkers……………………………………………… for the lates……………………………………………… pray for myself……………………………………………… being healthy……………………………………………… always near the good people ………………………………………………

they try to scare me………………………………………………

in the name of lord……………………………………………… I am taking it all willingly……………………………………………… anything you give me……………………………………………… I will accept it all if he allows me to……………………………………………… I hope I have the strength to do it……………………………………………… my mind wanders everywhere……………………………………………… remembering a friend who go there with his partner……………………………………………… if they can I am sure I can do it too……………………………………………… and there is a public figure too……………………………………………… he survives till he gets home……………………………………………… and I am sure there are a lot more than them……………………………………………… the ones that I don’t know ……………………………………………… want to be like them……………………………………………… the most important thing is I should clean myself……………………………………………… cleaning my heart too……………………………………………… then asking this that and all……………………………………………… asking the good things……………………………………………… don’t think recklessly and weirdly ………………………………………………

suddenly remember the news on murder of female senior high school student...........................................

being spied and killed in a quiet alley........................................... afraid it will be like that........................................... coz of that case........................................... i feel being followed all the time........................................... and the possibility will be like that news........................................... i will be murdered........................................... in a quiet place........................................... without witness........................................... hmmmm........................................... just coz........................................... what the hell........................................... dont want to think bout it........................................... it is too much........................................... too heavy........................................... let lord handle it ...............................................

changing...............................

place me where there is no bad people............................... make me able to go around the globe............................... make me the host of travelling show............................... i know i have many prays............................... inlumited............................... and i dont remember them all............................... these two just pop in my head............................... so i will mention these two in my pray there............................... i hope i will remember the important ones............................... i have to be patient............................... i cant mention them all............................... or maybe i can............................... i dont know............................... lord i am confused............................... lord help me please............................... show me how to meet you ....................................

three suspicious men....................................

i am going insane.................................... i gets suspicious to everybody.................................... lets see.................................... what will happen.................................... they will follow me.................................... and in the way they will kill me.................................... but that is just imagination.................................... nothing will happen.................................... all of them are nice.................................... lets pray.................................... and pray again.................................... pray hard.................................... and harder.................................... ask him to protect me all the way ......................................

something missing..........................................

it always kills me.......................................... it happens many times.......................................... i always get confused.......................................... if i lost myslef in my own train of thought.......................................... i thought there is no bad people in that land.......................................... but i was so wrong lord.......................................... yesterday he told story of that kind.......................................... a lot of beggar and pickpockets.......................................... many cab drivers that take the women.......................................... and others.......................................... i am sure there are more that he doesnt tell.......................................... at first i want to stay there.......................................... coz i think there is no bad people there.......................................... but it turns out the same as everywhere else.......................................... making me confused where should i stay.......................................... what place should i mention in my pray.......................................... lord give me a clue ..................................................

mrn and mrsn.........................................

they will go......................................... leaving this place......................................... will have another life in another plave......................................... with their partners respectively......................................... i hope the replacement is just like me......................................... the ones that almost expired......................................... so they will go nowhere......................................... will be beneficial for this place......................................... and will be beneficial for the people being accepted as well......................................... and this place will rock the world......................................... and more successful than ever......................................... and always be in his road map......................................... and always be in his protection......................................... makeing everybody happy......................................... making everyone safe......................................... the students......................................... the teachers......................................... the staffs......................................... and this place will get more and more applicants......................................... over loaded .............................................

what you think is what you get............................................

if you think about satan all the time............................................ then you will get the satan all the time............................................ in office you think about satan............................................ in home you think about satan............................................ in roads tyou think about satan............................................ in places you visit you think about satan............................................ so you will get that............................................ your thoughts atrract the things you had thought............................................ it is scary............................................ thus i will stop thinking about satan at all cause ................................................

i dont know why that that sentence always hits me so hard......................................

extremely hard it makes my tears drop...................................... i hope it is a good sign...................................... i hope i will get there savely...................................... i hope i will do all my pray there smoothly...................................... i hope lord will grant all my wishes...................................... i am confused though...................................... in a way i want to stay there till i die...................................... in another way i want to go home...................................... and go around the world ......................................

in the name of lord...................................

i dont know what i am doing here................................... just coz................................... and i am late................................... and i dont like being late................................... it is not because of me................................... it is because of them................................... but lets accept this................................... god must have reason................................... as why he takes me here late................................... thx lord everything is ok................................... thx lord he is with me................................... thx lord he loves me ...................................

27 jan 19 minggu..........................................

ped w ciprut n saufa.......................................... fatima zahra diantar fam.......................................... manasik.......................................... pul by gocar.......................................... allahuakbar..........................................

26 jan 19 sabtu..........................................

pg ptg eror.......................................... alfa.......................................... penjahit.......................................... dpmall.......................................... atm eror.......................................... cafe.......................................... mlm ptg.......................................... allahuakbar..........................................

25 jan 19 jumat..........................................

kampus.......................................... klinik.......................................... pul.......................................... jumatan.......................................... allahuakbar'..........................................

24 jan 19 kamis'..........................................

kampus.......................................... indosat.......................................... fatimazahra.......................................... dpmall.......................................... karaoke w yanu yayan kiki.......................................... allahuakbar..........................................

23 jan 19 rabu..........................................

atm.......................................... kampus.......................................... survei.......................................... alfa.......................................... pul.......................................... sore visa.......................................... pul.......................................... mlm ped ngaji.......................................... suspicious person.......................................... allahuakbar..........................................

22 jan 19 selasa..........................................

kampus.......................................... klinik.......................................... allahuakbar'.......................................... '

21 jan 19 senen..........................................

kampus.......................................... pijet.......................................... wrg.......................................... allahuakbar..........................................

20 jan 19 minggu..........................................

seharian d rmh.......................................... allahuakbar..........................................

19 jan 19 sabtu..........................................

cafe.......................................... allahuakbar..........................................

18 jan 19 jumat..........................................

kampus.......................................... allahuakbar..........................................

17 jan 19 kamis..........................................

kampus.......................................... allahuakbar..........................................

16 jan 19 rabu ……………………………………………………………………………….

16 jan 19 rabu.......................................... kampus.......................................... pamela.......................................... banbcr.......................................... ditinggl pml.......................................... tmbl ban.......................................... pul.................................................................................... mlm ped.......................................... net.......................................... ngaji.......................................... allahuakbar..........................................

waiting a gift from lord...............................................

at mosque............................................... at his house............................................... at his meeting............................................... he will tell me............................................... i dont know how and when............................................... just wait for the best............................................... lord is loving mehe will send someone to me............................................... i will not be bad............................................... i will take care of myself............................................... i will improve myself............................................... i will protect myself............................................... i will stay away from bad things............................................... i love my lord .................................................

god i think you can kill me with fear....................................

i was taken care of.................................... and i feel now i was not being taken care of.................................... it scares me to death.................................... lord i love you.................................... lord protect me please.................................... lord i promise i will not be bad.................................... lord i promise i will do all your command.................................... lord i promise i will stay away from all your prohibition.................................... lord i love you.................................... lord take me close to you.................................... lord hold me tight.................................... lord save me please ......................................

there is a suspicious man sitting next to me..............................

but he is nothing.............................. thx god i am saved.............................. i feel paranoid.............................. i got suspicious to everybody around me.............................. it makes me crazy.............................. i think they are successful in making me insane.............................. and from this moment on.............................. i promise to lord.............................. i will not be defeated.............................. as lord is on my side ..............................

i want to win the battle you give me...............................

but sometimes it feels very hard to do so............................... let alone you force me to face it by myself............................... can you give me a partner............................... to accompany me............................... to lead me to be always on your road............................... then i will wait............................... then the wait is never ending............................... and sometimes i feel desperate............................... i just want you to take it all............................... i just want you to take me to your home ..................................

my motorbike is outside......................................

there is someone...................................... there are many misscall...................................... dear lord...................................... i am afraid...................................... dear lord protect me please...................................... dear lord i love you so much...................................... i should not be afraid...................................... afraid only to lord...................................... he is almighty...................................... everything will be alright...................................... if he allows he will always protect me...................................... i think he who made me not answering those calls ...........................................

if sis asked for money................................

for all the house needs................................ this and that................................ electricity water soap perfume maid etc................................ i always get angry inside................................ that was before................................ that was back then................................ feel like i want to run away................................ move out and rent a room again................................ now i change myself................................ my mind................................ i want to let it go................................ pray hard that i will be able to pay all that................................ pray hard that my fortune will always come smoothly................................ to pay all the needs in life................................ in the name of lord i hope sis will graduate soon................................ i hope she will get job soon.................................. i hope she will get married soon.................................. i hope she will always be saved ..................................

it is raining..........................................

very heavy.......................................... i ride my motorbike.......................................... it feels so good.......................................... it has been a while since i enjoy reining.......................................... it feels as if lord bathe me.......................................... i hope all my sins are faded away.......................................... together with the lord's bathing me.......................................... i hope this sickness from raining has a disguise blessing.......................................... i hope this illness can wipe away all my sins.......................................... i hope lord always protect me.................................................................................... from all bad people that make me scared.......................................... from this moment on.......................................... i swear not to fear anything.......................................... but lord ..........................................

there is a suspicious rider in front of aunt's house........................................

dear lord i am afraid........................................ dear lord please protect me........................................ dear lord i love you........................................ dear lord save me........................................ from all bad people........................................ dear lord i am tired feeling afraid all the time........................................ i want to be calm'........................................ i want this torture to stop........................................ i know it is your punishment........................................ for all my sins........................................ in a way this is effective........................................ i am scared to meet people........................................ i only meet them outside rainbow circle........................................ lord i love you ........................................

it is error at office..........................................

it is error at cafe.......................................... in the name of lord.......................................... i hope it is over soon.......................................... he is almighty.......................................... i jope it runs smoothly thus i can work.......................................... if he allows i hope he blesses all the things i do now.......................................... i want to do all my tasks.......................................... i want to finish all my jobs.......................................... i want to be free from all burdens.......................................... but that is impossible.......................................... if it will be finished today.......................................... there will come other assignments.......................................... lord i want to be happy.......................................... with all my doings ..........................................

weird ………………………………..

I take her home with my motor ……………………………….. and then I got flat tire ……………………………….. then she gets angry ……………………………….. she is furious to me ……………………………….. she points at me that I didn’t check my tires at morning ……………………………….. then I got it ……………………………….. what is the connection the tires in the morning with what happening now ……………………………….. morning tires are fine ……………………………….. the prove is that I survive to the office safely ……………………………….. flat tire has so many reasons ……………………………….. that has nothing to do with what happen in the morning ……………………………….. it could be the nails, the broken glass, or elseweird ……………………………….. after getting angry ……………………………….. she left me ……………………………….. ordering online taxi ……………………………….. magically ……………………………….. gone by the wind ………………………………..

back then pray bad for them……………………………………………………………………………….

as they do bad things………………………………………………………………………………. they cheat when they do their exam………………………………………………………………………………. when I monitor them………………………………………………………………………………. now I had good pray for them………………………………………………………………………………. I force myself to do that………………………………………………………………………………. though it is very hard………………………………………………………………………………. I hope they realize what they do is wrong………………………………………………………………………………. I hope they will be better people………………………………………………………………………………. I hope they will not cheat again………………………………………………………………………………. in the future they will do their best in their exam ……………………………………………………………………………….

it has been days……………………………………………………………………………….

this thing is error………………………………………………………………………………. but other can operate this………………………………………………………………………………. so I think something is wrong………………………………………………………………………………. is it my lappy………………………………………………………………………………. but in other places this lappy is ok………………………………………………………………………………. at pedurungan it works………………………………………………………………………………. in café it works………………………………………………………………………………. then what………………………………………………………………………………. does this office block me………………………………………………………………………………. maybe yes………………………………………………………………………………. they see my history………………………………………………………………………………. there I had downloaded many things………………………………………………………………………………. maybe that’s why it is happening………………………………………………………………………………. they block me………………………………………………………………………………. wna to go up there………………………………………………………………………………. to their office………………………………………………………………………………. but I am afraid………………………………………………………………………………. what if they confront me about what I had downloaded………………………………………………………………………………. that will be embarrassing ………………………………………………………………………………. so let it be………………………………………………………………………………. lets do this in places………………………………………………………………………………. in café………………………………………………………………………………. in pedurungan ……………………………………………………………………………….

not fearing anything except lord............................................

put it in in your head............................................ protection from lord is the best............................................ protection of a group of certain people............................................ and other earthly things............................................ are not as great as his protection............................................ the protection from cops............................................ the bad ones............................................ the ones who pretend to be good............................................ some of crooks............................................ no............................................ many of them are protected by bad cops............................................ protection from thugs............................................ the group of la............................................ they said that this group are the most powerful one in this city'............................................ i am afraid............................................ dreaming having a partner from high rank of thugs............................................ high rank of la group............................................ then hoping it will be safe............................................ what the heck ............................................

that beau place ........................................

it exists ........................................ but not real ........................................ we can get there ........................................ if we fix our mind ........................................ it is the same as now ........................................ but we will see it differently ........................................ very pretty ........................................ if we clear our brain ........................................ if we have pure heart ........................................ our eyes will see that kind of place ........................................ i hope i will get there ........................................ i am not at ut now ........................................ i hope i will be in the future ........................................ i hope he allows this ........................................ either in the near future ........................................ or later as he pleases ........................................

suddenly remember being followed by many satans.........................................................

when i was in college......................................................... mrh owed me money and he doesnt pay it back up to now......................................................... mrb borrowing harddisk and he doesnt return it till now......................................................... when i stayed in aunt......................................................... my old friend borrowed my tele......................................................... and he doesnt return it till now......................................................... when i was in menoreh......................................................... my lappy was stolen......................................................... then mro helped me pretending to be a police and threathened him......................................................... my lappy was back but not my files......................................................... when i was in tegalsari......................................................... my harddisk was stolen......................................................... when i was in pamularsih......................................................... my next door neighbor was robbed......................................................... when i was in kampungkali......................................................... my laundry got stolen so many times......................................................... my money and lappy were stolen......................................................... i hope all of these can pay my debt to you......................................................... now the satan stalking me......................................................... it is very scary......................................................... lord i am afraid......................................................... lord i love you......................................................... lord protect me please .........................................................

shutting off the lappt too soon....................................

it is still taking a long time.................................... i am confused what to do.................................... writing that and this.................................... sharing this and that.................................... then hearing the calling.................................... then going there.................................... it is unusual.................................... may lord accept this.................................... may lord receive my visit.................................... may lord receive my pray.................................... may lord bless me.................................... is it okay, right.................................... to expect things from him.................................... the reward of his love.................................... the reward of his care.................................... the reward of his compasion.................................... and much more ....................................

suddenly think of that ……………………….

am I included in lord’s class ………………………. the one who will receive the protection ………………………. the love ………………………. it will be scary if I am not in it ………………………. I should convince myself ………………………. that I am in his class ………………………. lets make sure of it ………………………. being his good whorshipper ………………………. making myself better ………………………. making myself worth before him ………………………. making him love me ………………………. making him protect me ………………………. making him take me to his home ……………………….

15 jan 19 selasa……………………………………………………………………………….

kampus………………………………………………………………………………. fatimazahra………………………………………………………………………………. kampus………………………………………………………………………………. Pamela………………………………………………………………………………. allahuakbar……………………………………………………………………………….

14 jan 19 senen……………………………………………………………………………….

kampus………………………………………………………………………………. bank jateng ngantar Pamela………………………………………………………………………………. kampus ambil motor………………………………………………………………………………. ngantar Pamela………………………………………………………………………………. alfa………………………………………………………………………………. allahuakbar……………………………………………………………………………….

13 jan 19 ming……………………………………………………………………………….

dpmall………………………………………………………………………………. allahuakbar……………………………………………………………………………….

12 jan 19 sabtu……………………………………………………………………………….

mall………………………………………………………………………………. café………………………………………………………………………………. nonton………………………………………………………………………………. wrg………………………………………………………………………………. mlm rapat rt………………………………………………………………………………. allahuakbar……………………………………………………………………………….

11 jan 19 jumat……………………………………………………………………………….

kampus………………………………………………………………………………. alfa………………………………………………………………………………. allahuakbar……………………………………………………………………………….