I wish I can disappear…………………………………..

something is broken………………………………….. It really hurts a lot………………………………….. sometimes being clueless is good………………………………….. not hearing something hurtful………………………………….. am I that innocent………………………………….. am I that stupid………………………………….. dear lord………………………………….. please send me good people………………………………….. my pray is bad now………………………………….. lord I am afraid I will be bad………………………………….. lord………………………………….. I wish I can be good person all the time………………………………….. lord………………………………….. I give it all to you………………………………….. I hope your karma is real………………………………….. lord I love you………………………………….. lord I miss you………………………………….. lord I want to go home …………………………………..

calluses heart…………………………………..

I got hurt a lot………………………………….. I got stab a lot………………………………….. I got break a lot………………………………….. maybe someday this heart will have calluses………………………………….. so my heart will be numb………………………………….. so my heart will not ache anymore………………………………….. I hope it comes true………………………………….. I wish I had heart full of calluses………………………………….. so if my heart got friction………………………………….. it will hold………………………………….. it will not break………………………………….. it will not crack …………………………………..

in the name of lord…………………………………..

I was really shocked………………………………….. the news is unbelievable………………………………….. it is really scary………………………………….. she has two faces………………………………….. mrp told me about mrsm………………………………….. she stabbed me from the back………………………………….. I don’t know what to think………………………………….. I don’t know what to do………………………………….. I don’t know how to react………………………………….. I thought she is on my side all this time………………………………….. but apparently not………………………………….. we are in the same mini group all this time………………………………….. I thought she is my friend………………………………….. but apparently it is like this………………………………….. all this time she seems nice in front of me………………………………….. but apparently it is like that………………………………….. I am really clueless………………………………….. lord………………………………….. do your magic………………………………….. I give it all to you………………………………….. I hope this hurt doesn’t last long………………………………….. I try to have positive thinking………………………………….. but it is really hard …………………………………..

the beginning of the end…………………………………..

I am in so much stressed right now………………………………….. I cant tell what is on my mind to mrsi………………………………….. because she is very close to mrsm………………………………….. she always thinks positively about mrsm………………………………….. I don’t dare to tell this………………………………….. she always thinks positively too about mrj………………………………….. though I tell a lot of bad things about him………………………………….. just realize it now………………………………….. maybe she already told mrsm………………………………….. about what all I have told her………………………………….. it is okay now………………………………….. it already happened………………………………….. put it all in his hands ……………………………………..

three times being hurt..................................

those words are as sharp as the khife.................................. the first that says i should not expect much.................................. the second that goes i should choose his choice.................................. the third that tells i ruin his plan.................................. lord help me please.................................. if i win.................................. do not make us enemy.................................. do not make him block my works.................................. if i lose.................................. make us work in harmony.................................. make my heart calm.................................. make me happy.................................................................... make us all happy ..........................................

i am shocked when i open my email......................................

too busy for days...................................... do not have time to open email...................................... when i open it it is too late...................................... meanwhile it is very important...................................... dear lord...................................... if it is the best for me...................................... make my heart let it go...................................... because it hurts a lot...................................... i hope you give me reason...................................... not knowing why is making me suffered...................................... or maybe you allow me to have a position...................................... i am afraid lord...................................... a lot of people will become my enemy...................................... i will not have the capability owning it...................................... but i cant be like that...................................... i must be confident...................................... because you help me all the way...................................... choosing the best for me .............................................

what i am afraid of is happening........................................

i love someone who love another........................................ it hurts a lot........................................ and i am still hoping........................................ stupid me........................................ i must force myself........................................ to stop meeting that person........................................ but i am afraid i will fail........................................ if that person asks to meet........................................ probably i will say yes........................................ holy ef........................................ this is disaster........................................ dear lord........................................ help me please........................................ protect me from bad people........................................ in any form........................................ the ones with sheep wool too........................................ the wolves who pretend to be sheep........................................ lets do that........................................ becoming crazy........................................ making myself happy........................................ to the max.......................................................

23 mar 19 sabtu...........................................

kampus........................................... workshop pengabdian........................................... macet........................................... ada beli kado........................................... pul........................................... wrg........................................... pamela........................................... kampus........................................... nontons sheila........................................... pamela........................................... allahuakbar...........................................

22 mar 19 jumat...........................................

kampus........................................... w p yusuf n p kamto........................................... matahari........................................... baiturahman........................................... segitiga........................................... kampus........................................... pamela........................................... allahuakbar...........................................

21 mar 19 kamis...........................................

kampus........................................... w seto adel pkamto pjoko p yusuf ke jepara takziyah mertua b filis........................................... mampir duren........................................... mampir erlangga........................................... kampus........................................... pul........................................... pijet........................................... allahuakbar...........................................

20 mar 19 rabu...........................................

kampus........................................... allahuakbar...........................................

19 mar 19 selasa...........................................

kampus........................................... w pamela p henry p kis k segitiga........................................... manggaria citraland........................................... kampus........................................... kampus4 or........................................... diner w pkamto n pucup........................................... kampus ngantar pkamto n pucup........................................... allahuakbar...........................................

18 mar 19 senen...........................................

kampus........................................... pamela...................................................................................... allahuakbar...........................................

17 mar 19 minggu...........................................

gym........................................... ped wifi........................................... alfa belanja........................................... pul........................................... nizar........................................... cimol........................................... ichiban........................................... miniso........................................... nizar nginep........................................... allahuakbar...........................................

16 mar 19 sabtu...........................................

seharian d rmh........................................... allahuakbar...........................................

15 mar 19 jumat...........................................

kampus........................................... pamela........................................... pijet........................................... allahuakbar...........................................

14 mar 19 kamis...........................................

atm........................................... pom........................................... alfa........................................... kampus........................................... allahuakbatr...........................................

13 mar 19 rabu ……………………………………………………………………………………..

13 marb19 rabu........................................... kampus........................................... bulu meet bowo........................................... kampus........................................... pesta kebon rapat........................................... kampus ngantar pkamto n adel........................................... allahuakbar...........................................

I question myself…………………………………………………

am I worth it………………………………………………… do I deserve it………………………………………………… am I the right person for it………………………………………………… a lot of question………………………………………………… as I see many disagree for it………………………………………………… then I am confused………………………………………………… then I ask you………………………………………………… if I am worth it………………………………………………… then make me it………………………………………………… if I don’t deserve it………………………………………………… show me why………………………………………………… and help me make myself better …………………………………………………

should I break my relationship with them…………………………………………………

should I stay away from them………………………………………………… they seem bad………………………………………………… I don’t know why………………………………………………… this time it hurts a lot………………………………………………… not like any other day………………………………………………… lets pray………………………………………………… lets it slides………………………………………………… lets put it in his hands………………………………………………… I forget what I thought before………………………………………………… now I am afraid………………………………………………… lets him handle it………………………………………………… if I am it………………………………………………… make me the good leader………………………………………………… protect me from bad people………………………………………………… help me to work in your path………………………………………………… if I am not it………………………………………………… I hope the one who become it………………………………………………… will be your best choice ………………………………………………………

we like you unwillingly...........................................

we love you unwillingly........................................ we obey you unwillingly........................................ actually we do not like you........................................ we hate you........................................ please give me permission........................................ please give blessing........................................ please pray for mev........................................ if you allow me........................................ i will do my job as best as i can........................................ for the sake of the prosperity of everybody........................................ for the sake of everyone's need........................................ for the sake of everyone's deed........................................ i hope i am not incline to one side........................................ i hope i can do my job without considering only to one specific person........................................ i hope i can divide all the assignments to the right person........................................ with the right portion........................................

sorry for these doubts...........................................

i know you love me........................................... but sometimes i am afraid that you dont........................................... there is a whisper saying that........................................... i know you will send me a soulmate........................................... the one that is super nice, great, perfect........................................... in the right time........................................... but sometimes i am afraid that you wont........................................... there is a whisper saying that........................................... i knwo you will make me happy........................................... but sometimes i am afraid you wont........................................... many times you make me sad........................................... without knowing what is the meaning behind all of those sadness........................................... i believe you will protect me........................................... but sometimes i am afraid ........................................... many times i get accidents........................................... i experience some unfortunate events........................................... that crush me so hard........................................... many times i fall........................................... but thx lord........................................... i always have been able to get up again all these times........................................... i am afraid i will not be able to get up again someday........................................... because i had so many falls........................................... or maybe i become expert of getting up........................................... as i often fall........................................... so which one is black power........................................... my believe in you........................................... or the whisper inside me .................................................

mrk vs mrsm……………………………………………………………………

the female is my friend…………………………………………………………………… the male is my friend…………………………………………………………………… both of them are my dear friend…………………………………………………………………… but I think both of them in not good term…………………………………………………………………… lord help me please…………………………………………………………………… lord help them please…………………………………………………………………… I don’t want them to break apart…………………………………………………………………… I want them to be in peace…………………………………………………………………… for the sake of them…………………………………………………………………… for the sake of me…………………………………………………………………… for the sake of all…………………………………………………………………… they both are important for all…………………………………………………………………… all adore them…………………………………………………………………… they should come to their right mind…………………………………………………………………… now I am afraid to tell them what to do…………………………………………………………………… I just hope they will find it by themselves…………………………………………………………………… or else…………………………………………………………………… if you ask me to handle them…………………………………………………………………… I hope you give me clue what to do…………………………………………………………………… as clear as possible…………………………………………………………………… I am afraid if I interfere in their business…………………………………………………………………… I become their enemy …………………………………………………………………… so…………………………………………………………………… it is all in your hand ……………………………………………………………………

rejected by haitch……………………………………………………………………

it hurts a lot…………………………………………………………………… I am confused lord…………………………………………………………………… I got rejected many times…………………………………………………………………… what did I do wrong…………………………………………………………………… what should I do…………………………………………………………………… give me clue lord…………………………………………………………………… I should find a teacher…………………………………………………………………… show me where is my teacher…………………………………………………………………… where is he lord…………………………………………………………………… I am confused lord…………………………………………………………………… I am afraid of being rejected again…………………………………………………………………… I am afraid of being hurt again…………………………………………………………………… am I not allowed to take my study now…………………………………………………………………… am I not allowed yet…………………………………………………………………… will you give me this other job…………………………………………………………………… in the name of lord…………………………………………………………………… I will take whatever you give me…………………………………………………………………… if in the even both of them slip through my hand…………………………………………………………………… please hold me tight…………………………………………………………………… I am afraid of being come undone ……………………………………………………………………

rejected by en……………………………………………………………………

it hurst a lot…………………………………………………………………… am I very bad…………………………………………………………………… is he disgusted by my presence…………………………………………………………………… dear lord…………………………………………………………………… help me please…………………………………………………………………… I hope you will replace him…………………………………………………………………… with someone so much better…………………………………………………………………… much more better…………………………………………………………………… the one that will make me fly…………………………………………………………………… to cloud nine…………………………………………………………………… no…………………………………………………………………… cloud thirteen…………………………………………………………………… the one that will make me happy…………………………………………………………………… so happy that I smile a lot till it hurts…………………………………………………………………… the one that will accompany me…………………………………………………………………… till the end of time…………………………………………………………………… in your blessing …………………………………………………………………………

lately I have negative thoughts………………………………………………………

I feel I will be defeated by two other candidates……………………………………………………… my mouth unconsciously keeps saying those things……………………………………………………… directly indirectly……………………………………………………… explicitly implicitly……………………………………………………… and maybe because of that, negative energies come near……………………………………………………… there are signs saying I will lose……………………………………………………… and I am sad……………………………………………………… I should change……………………………………………………… I should think positively……………………………………………………… I should have positive faith……………………………………………………… I should spread positive aura……………………………………………………… I hope lord will shower me with positivity……………………………………………………… and I wish I will get the positive result …………………………………………………………………..

dreaming………………………………………………

this thing makes my mind wanders everywhere……………………………………………… think unnecessary things……………………………………………… imagining something over the top……………………………………………… hoping something irrational……………………………………………… lord help me please……………………………………………… protect me from misleading dream……………………………………………… bring me back to the right path……………………………………………… this has only two possibilities……………………………………………… the first is that I will not be it……………………………………………… then I should send the news to two parties……………………………………………… then I should be patient……………………………………………… I cant have the heartache……………………………………………… the stressed state……………………………………………… the depressed mind……………………………………………… I hope lord me in difficult times……………………………………………… the second is that I am success……………………………………………… still I have to send the news to two parties……………………………………………… and I have to be humble……………………………………………… I cant be over the limit……………………………………………… I hope he help me to run this obligation in the right way ………………………………………………

send them to college………………………………………………

I want to pay their tuition……………………………………………… but now I don’t have the opportunity……………………………………………… lord help me please……………………………………………… allow me to send them to college……………………………………………… the plan is to wait for this one to graduate……………………………………………… but the two of them are chased by time……………………………………………… lord……………………………………………… I hope this is their fortune……………………………………………… and mine……………………………………………… I really want to help them……………………………………………… I want them to be in college……………………………………………… I want them to have degree……………………………………………… I want them to have better jobs……………………………………………… I want them to have brighter future……………………………………………… though all of that is not determined by college …………………………………………………

12 mar 19 selasa…………………………………………………………………………………

dijemput yayan masnug kiki………………………………………………………………………………… jemput bundo bkartina………………………………………………………………………………… otw sby………………………………………………………………………………… lpmp………………………………………………………………………………… unesa………………………………………………………………………………… yuidul ujian s3………………………………………………………………………………… lpmp………………………………………………………………………………… spiku………………………………………………………………………………… otw smg………………………………………………………………………………… me driving amazing first experience………………………………………………………………………………… diner at tembalang………………………………………………………………………………… ngantar b maya………………………………………………………………………………… allahuakbar…………………………………………………………………………………

11 mar 19 seenen…………………………………………………………………………………

kampus………………………………………………………………………………… Pamela………………………………………………………………………………… allahuakbar…………………………………………………………………………………

10 mar 19 minggu…………………………………………………………………………………

with ciprut………………………………………………………………………………… sarapan………………………………………………………………………………… layat at banyumanik temen umroh………………………………………………………………………………… pul………………………………………………………………………………… ped………………………………………………………………………………… wifi………………………………………………………………………………… allahuakbar…………………………………………………………………………………

9 mar 19 sabtu…………………………………………………………………………………

gym………………………………………………………………………………… ped wifi………………………………………………………………………………… matlamp………………………………………………………………………………… pul………………………………………………………………………………… dpmall………………………………………………………………………………… meet aan………………………………………………………………………………… pul………………………………………………………………………………… mlm rapat rt………………………………………………………………………………… allahuakbar…………………………………………………………………………………

8 mar 19 jumat…………………………………………………………………………………

kampus………………………………………………………………………………… alfa………………………………………………………………………………… pul………………………………………………………………………………… ped………………………………………………………………………………… wifi………………………………………………………………………………… ngaji………………………………………………………………………………… allahuakbar…………………………………………………………………………………

7 mar 19 kamis…………………………………………………………………………………

klinik………………………………………………………………………………… alfmrt………………………………………………………………………………… ped wfi………………………………………………………………………………… allahuakbar…………………………………………………………………………………

6 mrt 19 rabu…………………………………………………………………………………

kampus………………………………………………………………………………… p zein eror………………………………………………………………………………… allahuakbar…………………………………………………………………………………

5 mrt 19 selasa ……………………………………………………………………………………………..

keisangan………………………………………………………………………………… wrg………………………………………………………………………………… kampus………………………………………………………………………………… kampu 4 or………………………………………………………………………………… allahuakbar…………………………………………………………………………………

ring the bell in my heart………………………………………………………………………………………

in my mind is only you……………………………………………………………………………………… adoring you to the max……………………………………………………………………………………… never thought you are so beautiful……………………………………………………………………………………… never dream you are so perfect……………………………………………………………………………………… a person of flawlessness……………………………………………………………………………………… until we separate I become sad……………………………………………………………………………………… falling to the dark as you leaving me……………………………………………………………………………………… and I am hoping you to come back to me……………………………………………………………………………………… longing to be together with you again……………………………………………………………………………………… killing the boredom kissing the love……………………………………………………………………………………… rampaging all over the city just the two of us……………………………………………………………………………………… imagining that this whole world is belong only to us……………………………………………………………………………………… severe pain is no longer here……………………………………………………………………………………… nor the tears that describe the sorrow……………………………………………………………………………………… as you are here thus happiness is all around……………………………………………………………………………………… definite content showering my whole……………………………………………………………………………………… wherever whenever you are in my eyes……………………………………………………………………………………… insisting all the delightfulness to be owned by me……………………………………………………………………………………… putting all the miserable go away to the desert……………………………………………………………………………………… until we cannot see them anymore……………………………………………………………………………………… till all here is amusement to the heart and soul……………………………………………………………………………………… roaring the lung out of pleasure……………………………………………………………………………………… and wish you will be by my side all the time till the end of time ………………………………………………………………………………………

dead soul ..................................

suspicious of man in street.................................. who look at my car strangely.................................. lord.................................. help me pls.................................. protect me from bad people.................................. again.................................. strange man pass my house.................................. he stare at my house suspiciously.................................. lord help me pls.................................. then in the parking lot.................................. then in the praying line..................................

4 mrt 19 senen………………………………………………………………………………………

kampus……………………………………………………………………………………… klinik……………………………………………………………………………………… apotek……………………………………………………………………………………… alfmrt tlr……………………………………………………………………………………… pul……………………………………………………………………………………… gym……………………………………………………………………………………… pul……………………………………………………………………………………… ped wifi……………………………………………………………………………………… allahuakbar………………………………………………………………………………………

3 mrt 19 minggu………………………………………………………………………………………

seharian d rmh……………………………………………………………………………………… allahuakbar………………………………………………………………………………………

2 mrt 19 sabtu………………………………………………………………………………………

alfmrt……………………………………………………………………………………… bank jateng……………………………………………………………………………………… dpmall eror……………………………………………………………………………………… allahuakbar………………………………………………………………………………………

1 mart 19 jumat………………………………………………………………………………………

rest area sragen……………………………………………………………………………………… kampus……………………………………………………………………………………… dijemput ciprut……………………………………………………………………………………… pijet……………………………………………………………………………………… tepar……………………………………………………………………………………… allahuakbar………………………………………………………………………………………

28 feb 19 kamis………………………………………………………………………………………

cek out……………………………………………………………………………………… tanah lot……………………………………………………………………………………… lunch at soka indah……………………………………………………………………………………… gilimanuk……………………………………………………………………………………… diner at utomo raya……………………………………………………………………………………… situbondo……………………………………………………………………………………… otw semarang……………………………………………………………………………………… allahuakbar………………………………………………………………………………………

27 feb 19 rabu………………………………………………………………………………………

brajasandi……………………………………………………………………………………… meet adi……………………………………………………………………………………… dewata……………………………………………………………………………………… sukowati……………………………………………………………………………………… pantai pandawa……………………………………………………………………………………… jimbaran……………………………………………………………………………………… makrab……………………………………………………………………………………… hotel……………………………………………………………………………………… allahuakbar………………………………………………………………………………………

26 feb 19 selasa …………………………………………………………………………….

bali……………………………………………………………………………………… kurnia village……………………………………………………………………………………… jogger……………………………………………………………………………………… bedugul……………………………………………………………………………………… gwk……………………………………………………………………………………… krisna……………………………………………………………………………………… japan resto……………………………………………………………………………………… hotel kuta……………………………………………………………………………………… allahuakbar………………………………………………………………………………………

25 feb 19 senen …………………………………………………………………………….

kampus diantar ciprut ……………………………………………………………………………. otw bali 9 bus ……………………………………………………………………………. rest area sragen ……………………………………………………………………………. lunch at ngawi ……………………………………………………………………………. pom probolinggo ……………………………………………………………………………. diner at probolinggo ……………………………………………………………………………. allahuakbar …………………………………………………………………………….

24 feb 19 minggu …………………………………………………………………………….

dpmall ……………………………………………………………………………. allahuakbar …………………………………………………………………………….

23 feb 19 sabtu …………………………………………………………………………….

klinik ……………………………………………………………………………. three ……………………………………………………………………………. mall ……………………………………………………………………………. café ……………………………………………………………………………. wifi ……………………………………………………………………………. allahuakbar …………………………………………………………………………….

22 feb 19 jumat …………………………………………………………………………….

jumatan ……………………………………………………………………………. kampus ……………………………………………………………………………. Pamela ……………………………………………………………………………. pul ……………………………………………………………………………. dinus jemput nina ……………………………………………………………………………. layat at maya ……………………………………………………………………………. allahuakbar …………………………………………………………………………….

21 feb 19 kamis ……………………………………………………………………

kampus ……………………………………………………………………………. dijemput ciprut ……………………………………………………………………………. allahuakbar …………………………………………………………………………….