I will make myself a loner…………………………

this will be it………………………… just him and me………………………… just me and him………………………… from this day onward………………………… this is a great man in the making………………………… don’t ask anything to them………………………… ask everything to him………………………… the students with beautiful soul………………………… the students with beautiful brain………………………… only god can defend me………………………… I want to present my paragon state before him………………………… oh dear almighty………………………… god knows how much he looks beautiful in my eyes………………………… yet it is only you who can determine what the future will be for me ……………………………

i will keep it safe......................................

i will keep you safe...................................... i will keep us safe...................................... those what i want to say...................................... to the one god send me...................................... preferable if it is the one i desire...................................... i cant explain...................................... but i am sure he understands...................................... as he are able to read me through and through...................................... and about that wish too...................................... to pursue my dream abroad...................................... really want that...................................... but i think he think it is bad for me...................................... as i failed so many times...................................... am i really that stupid...................................... i dont know what is the meaning behind all of these ...........................................

i want to seduce you............................

by bringing the best of me............................ before you............................ to smoothen all............................ i want that from him............................ to get that i must do something for him............................ i must bring soemthing for him............................ and that is what i got............................ me and myself............................ so i should present the best of me before him............................ thus he will grant my wish............................ to protect me always from bad people............................ people who are actully devils............................ disguising in human skin............................ disgusting........................................................ making me shiver thinking of them............................ hope they all rotten in hell .......................................

remembering the bastard...............................

remembering being a victim............................... lord protect me ............................... thus i devote myself to lord............................... offcie did protect me............................... thus i will devote myself to them............................... being grateful............................... this is my way to show them............................... that i am thankful............................... that they protect me............................... tho i dont know for sure............................... but i have a positive thoughts for them............................... and it is good............................... he loves this kind of thing............................... and it is also good for me............................... for my soul............................... keeping it being healthy............................... and strong physiscally and mentally............................... to keep the faith worshipping him always ...............................................

he askes me who accompany me....

................................... i will say it is lord....................................... i will have no fear for the bastards....................................... i will only fear him....................................... that is good plan....................................... but the reality is suck....................................... it is difficult to do so....................................... human are always scary to me....................................... scarier than ghosts....................................... they are devil in disguise....................................... most of them....................................... wearing sheep fur....................................... to decoy me....................................... to fool me....................................... but i aint a fool....................................... do i....................................... i think so ...................................................

getting angry thinking of fam.......

................................ it was the dark forces....................................... i believe so....................................... suddenly my mind was led to that direction....................................... how bad my fam was....................................... how they control my life....................................... how they will not let me free....................................... how they will not let me be....................................... how will they change me....................................... just be it....................................... let me be....................................... remembering him....................................... getting close to him....................................... running to him ...........................................

what cikam did.....

......................... the pa acted out.............................. act in departing time.............................. act in getting room.............................. and i have to in a room with him.............................. thx god evrything was ok.............................. my part.............................. wishing for the night.............................. wishing for the d day.............................. wishing for the after party.............................. wishing for getting home.............................. wishing for safely arriving home.............................. thx god for all of that.............................. the place.............................. watching the vids.............................. queueing for the pool.............................. there are people in the pool.............................. a lot of couple.............................. wishing they are real copules.............................. for sure.............................. ang there are more.............................. much more.............................. come and come again .................................

23 juni 19 minggu.....

..................................... hotel cikampek.......................................... lamaran dinug.......................................... otw smg.......................................... rest area palimanan.......................................... rest area brebes.......................................... smg wrg.......................................... nyampe dg selamat.......................................... allahuakbar..........................................

22 juni 19 sabtu......

.................................... with fam pa ma sis.......................................... at bulik.......................................... otw cikampek.......................................... rest area brebes.......................................... hotel primebiz.......................................... mlm with fam +++.......................................... dinner at sate maranggi.......................................... allahuakbar.......................................... ..........................................

21 jun 19 jumat..........................................

kampus.......................................... maksi w pjoko bikha banggun at sendok bebek.......................................... kampus.......................................... allahuakbar..........................................

20 juni 19 kamis..........................................

kampus.......................................... allahuakbar..........................................

19 juni 19 rabu..........................................

kampus.......................................... alfa rkk what.......................................... allahuakbar..........................................

18 juni 19 selasa..........................................

kampus.................................................................................... pul listrik eror.......................................... call pln.......................................... pln jos.......................................... allahuakbar..........................................

17 JUNI 19 SENEN...........................

17 juni 19 senen.......................................... kampus.......................................... n\bank jateng.......................................... bni.......................................... cimb.......................................... toko cd.......................................... burjo.......................................... indomrt.......................................... kampus1.......................................... kampus4.......................................... kampus1.......................................... allahuakbar..........................................

I will make myself a loner .......................................

This will be it..................................... Just him and me..................................... Just me and him..................................... From this day onwaed..................................... This is a great man in the making.....................................

16 juni 19 minggu...........................

.NYUCI MOTOR........................... BENGKEL........................... CAFÉ........................... WRG........................... ALLAHUAKBAR...........................

lets nobody know it...........................

........................... lets only him acknowledge this........................... lets keep it secret from others........................... lets fight alone........................... as he commands it........................... keep loving him........................... keep doing what he ask........................... keep getting close to him........................... keep asking him stuffs........................... many times it appear........................... intrigue me to do something........................... but i stop myself........................... remembering this saying........................... his saying........................... that i should do it alone........................... as he will give me grand reward in the end .......................................

fund related...........................

for his party........................... making me boiled........................... he is the one who is the host........................... why do i have to spend money on him........................... then i did have two parties........................... i didnt disturb him at all........................... i get angry in the beginning........................... want to bully him for cash........................... or his family........................... or my family........................... then again........................... thinking him........................... he loves this kind of thing........................... he is relative........................... he is family........................... it is okay to spend money on him........................... he loves this........................... he will love me with this kind of stuff...........................

15 juni 19 sabtu ...............................................

15 juni 19 sabtu........................... pom........................... atm........................... nyucimotor eror........................... servis jam........................... cafe........................... wrg........................... alfa........................... allahuakbar...........................

weird day.............................

great host............................. great guest............................. dear lord............................. i beg you............................. make me okay............................. make it okay............................. make me love you............................. make me yearn for you............................. more and more............................. till there is not a thing left in me............................. i cant control my eyes............................. i cant control my heart............................. i cant manage my stupid brain............................. if it is your fate............................. make me happy............................. make it easy............................. dont make it difficult............................. bless me all the way ....................................

14 juni 19 jumat...........................................

jemput pamela........................................... kampsu4........................................... kampus1........................................... pamela........................................... banbocor........................................... tambalban........................................... pul........................................... mlm w ma n sis........................................... resepsi at hotel pesona........................................... ketemu momo........................................... transmart........................................... jemput pa........................................... pom........................................... allahuakbar...........................................

13 jun 19 kamis ..............................

13 juni 19 kamis........................................... sk........................................... kampus........................................... rsromani tilik anak bferina........................................... allahuakbar...........................................

12 jun 19 rabu...........................

kampus........................... allahuakbar...........................

11 jun 19 selasa...........................

kampus........................... allahuakbar...........................

10 jun 19 senen...........................

gym........................... alfa........................... pul........................... kipas angin........................... indsat........................... cafe........................... pul........................... pijet........................... tetangga - paryo........................... pom........................... jemput baskoro........................... jemput ibas........................... jemput radz........................... ngempon........................... ngantar rad........................... ngantar ibas........................... diner........................... ngantar baskoro........................... allahuakbar...........................

10 jun 19 senen...........................

10 jun 19 senen........................... gym........................... alfa........................... pul........................... kipas angin........................... indsat........................... cafe........................... pul........................... pijet........................... tetangga - paryo........................... pom........................... jemput baskoro........................... jemput ibas........................... jemput radz........................... ngempon........................... ngantar rad........................... ngantar ibas........................... diner........................... ngantar baskoro........................... allahuakbar...........................

9 jun 19 mingu...........................

w cip n mom........................... pasar johar........................... tlogosari eror........................... toko bunga........................... bulik........................... allahuakbar...........................

8 jun 19 sabtu...........................

seharian d rmh........................... allahuakbar...........................

7 juni 19 jumat

7 jun 19 jumat........................... pagi ada tamu calon dik inug........................... jumatan with them at masjid panut........................... maksi with fam........................... pakpoh harno...................................................... allahuakbar...........................

I never hated u …………………………..

I never hated u ………………………….. I dont hate u……………………….. Probably i wont hate u……………………….. I just want to mend my broken heart……………………….. As there is still love left for u……………………….. I try to avoid u……………………….. As i am afraid i fall deeper in u……………………….. I just want to be strong on my own………………………..

friend story......................................

taking the positive...................................... praying for her...................................... i hope she get what she wants...................................... i hope she is being positive...................................... i hope lord is with her...................................... praying for me...................................... the samev...................................... and more...................................... being jealous...................................... i think it is...................................... i get boiled reading the stories for all this time...................................... being envious...................................... i hope he help me...................................... not to make me jealous...................................... making me like her...................................... close to him...................................... close to people close to him...................................... close to poeple of his choice...................................... lifting my degree...............................................

heartbroken...................................

hurtful and painful................................... when i breath................................... the pain got real................................... i did have this so many times................................... and it hurts like hell................................... i dont want it anymore................................... making it as a lesson................................... making it as an experience................................... praying to him................................... asking him to make me close to my half................................... as soon as possible................................... but dont force him................................... he doesnt like that................................... asking him to make me close to good people................................... the ones that will not hurt me................................... the ones that will make me close to him................................... i hope he hears this................................... i hope he grants this................................... i hope he loves me .............................................

acceptance..............................................

from me.............................................. from god.............................................. from family.............................................. from friends.............................................. from society.............................................. but the most important is acceptance from myself.............................................. loving myself.............................................. deeply.............................................. being positive inside.............................................. getting positive outside.............................................. spreading positive everywhere.............................................. to the surrounding.............................................. they will love us.............................................. they will love me.............................................. he will love me.............................................. as he does accept me completely .......................................................

you make me this way.....................................

you make me love you..................................... and then you hurt me..................................... you leave me..................................... i want to kill you..................................... with my prayv..................................... with my mind..................................... with my brain..................................... i will send a lot of negativve thoughts to you..................................... to your life..................................... to make you uncomfortable..................................... trying to be a big heart person..................................... trying to not having a heartache..................................... praying good to him..................................... praying good for him..................................... praying good for me..................................... asking him to love me..................................... and loving him back..................................... totally .................................................

money for kids............................................

being shocked at the beginning............................................ now it is like this............................................ managing heart............................................ trying to let go............................................ there will be a chance............................................ from the one above............................................ as it is positive............................................ he loves this kind of thing............................................ if he allows............................................ as it is only prediction............................................ as it is impossible to know his thought............................................ but sending positive thought to him always............................................ he will be positive towards us............................................ he is the greatest............................................ he will make us good............................................ if we good to him ...................................................

negative thought for mrsm……………………………………………………

it is me making it…………………………………………………… but her name is on it in the first row…………………………………………………… I hate that…………………………………………………… want to tell mrsi bout it…………………………………………………… but she is such a leak…………………………………………………… surely she will tell her…………………………………………………… I hate that…………………………………………………… just pray…………………………………………………… I am confused…………………………………………………… just surrender to him…………………………………………………… he will make everything ok…………………………………………………… if mrsm is bad for me…………………………………………………… I hope he will make her stay away from me…………………………………………………… if mrsi is bad for me…………………………………………………… I hope he will make her stay away from me…………………………………………………… just pray…………………………………………………… hope that both of them are nice…………………………………………………… hope that both of them are good ……………………………………………………

pray for him……………………………………………………

if he is in a party…………………………………………………… I hope he is free from con action…………………………………………………… I hope he wont go to the dark side…………………………………………………… the corruption cycle…………………………………………………… I hope he can calm himself…………………………………………………… not always easily being angry…………………………………………………… just pray…………………………………………………… that he will be protected by him…………………………………………………… that he will be led to the right path…………………………………………………… that he will be good husband to mom…………………………………………………… that he will be good pa to sis…………………………………………………… and that he will succeed in whatever he does…………………………………………………… and that he will not be arrogant…………………………………………………… he will stay down to earth…………………………………………………… he will be good to everybody…………………………………………………… he will still be in his path…………………………………………………… he will not wander to the dark side ……………………………………………………

the poet and the boy…………………………………………………………

watching it again………………………………………………………… crying over it again………………………………………………………… this is so very good and so very sad………………………………………………………… in the same time………………………………………………………… I got addicted to it………………………………………………………… what the heck………………………………………………………… just be grateful………………………………………………………… thx u for everything………………………………………………………… thx u for making me this way………………………………………………………… thx u for the pain………………………………………………………… thx u for loving me………………………………………………………… I do hope we can meet soon………………………………………………………… I want to ask you many things………………………………………………………… there is so much going on in my head………………………………………………………… I barely can handle it ……………………………………………………………………….

what………………………………………………

the glasses……………………………………………… then the car hits the curb or else……………………………………………… it seems he doesn’t want me to be happy……………………………………………… I am sorry I have this bad thought……………………………………………… but when I had my promotion……………………………………………… the accidents come in sequence……………………………………………… the broken glasses……………………………………………… the accident with the car……………………………………………… making me very sad and annoyed and angry and confused……………………………………………… then the bad thoughts come in order……………………………………………… but I keep trying to have positive thinking……………………………………………… as they said that the accidents that come to you means that he loves you……………………………………………… so there they are……………………………………………… but it still in there……………………………………………… trying to question all what happen in this …………………………………………………….

no ngem…………………………………………

no mag………………………………………… I want to be diligent in last ten days………………………………………… but it is difficult as there are so many temptations………………………………………… I fail so many times………………………………………… lord help me please………………………………………… make me capable………………………………………… make me strong………………………………………… make me good………………………………………… don’t make me bad………………………………………… make me close to you………………………………………… I want to run to you………………………………………… but there are so many blocks me………………………………………… I am not having the power to resist………………………………………… I am afraid I will lose this battle ………………………………………………….

6 juni 19 kamis....................................................

with fam.................................................... at pak sarni slahung.................................................... mlm otw smg.................................................... mpe smg dg selamat.................................................... allahuakbar ...............................................................

5 juni 19 rabu....................................................

solat id w pa n sis.................................................... masjid dekat rumah.................................................... party.................................................... jemput bupoh.................................................... silaturahmi to places.................................................... mbah siti.................................................... bude lis.................................................... bude tutik.................................................... bude ucik.................................................... pakpuh benu.................................................... mas agus.................................................... pak senen.................................................... pak sayid.................................................... bu wahyuni.................................................... yang harti.................................................... pul.................................................... mlm otw sby with fam.................................................... takziah pakpuh edi.................................................... allahuakbar....................................................

4 jun 19 selasa ………………………………………………………………………..

4 juni 19 selasa.................................................... seharian d rmh.................................................... bukber w fam.................................................... alon2.................................................... toko1.................................................... toko2.................................................... allahuakbar....................................................

3 jun 19 senen……………………………………………………

with fam…………………………………………………… penjahit…………………………………………………… makam grandpa…………………………………………………… toko oleh2…………………………………………………… indmrt…………………………………………………… tetangga alama…………………………………………………… bude anjar…………………………………………………… makam grandma…………………………………………………… toko pertanian…………………………………………………… toko sambal…………………………………………………… toko oleh2…………………………………………………… pul…………………………………………………… mlm masjid agung…………………………………………………… alon2 beli keraktelor…………………………………………………… allahuakbar……………………………………………………

2 jun 19 minggu……………………………………………………

seharian d rmh…………………………………………………… mlm taraweh at masjid agung…………………………………………………… aloon2…………………………………………………… allahuakbar……………………………………………………

1 juni 19 sabtu……………………………………………………

klinik…………………………………………………… mlm otw pon w ciprut…………………………………………………… mpe pon dg selamat…………………………………………………… allahuakbar……………………………………………………

31 mei 19 jumat……………………………………………………

siang jumatan at majt…………………………………………………… mlm taraweh at majt…………………………………………………… allahuakbar……………………………………………………

30 mei 19 kamis……………………………………………………

potongrambut…………………………………………………… alfa…………………………………………………… pul…………………………………………………… dijemput bmei…………………………………………………… jemput maria…………………………………………………… bukber di jalan…………………………………………………… meet imus izur udin…………………………………………………… takziah k Pamela…………………………………………………… diner…………………………………………………… otw smg…………………………………………………… ntgantar maria…………………………………………………… diantar bmei…………………………………………………… allahuakbar……………………………………………………

29 mei 19 rabu ……………………………………………………………………………………………….

kampus…………………………………………………… accident…………………………………………………… klinik…………………………………………………… wrg…………………………………………………… pul…………………………………………………… mlm rapat warga…………………………………………………… pul…………………………………………………… w ciprut to al fath…………………………………………………… saur at hokben…………………………………………………… allahuakbar……………………………………………………