pity you………………………..

couldn’t buy food by yourself……………………….. lets see……………………….. take all their bully……………………….. if I cant handle this anymore……………………….. I will disappear again……………………….. like before……………………….. that is my expertise……………………….. I will calm myself……………………….. in my alone time……………………….. as it used to be……………………….. and it will always be……………………….. I love my alone time……………………….. with him……………………….. only him……………………….. coz he is the best for me ………………………..

dear lord………………………..

I want to process it……………………….. but it is error……………………….. you are the almighty……………………….. until which patient limit it will be……………………….. I should stand for it……………………….. lord help me……………………….. like I love you……………………….. smoothen all my business……………………….. calm my heart……………………….. protect me……………………….. don’t make me sad……………………….. you are the almighty……………………….. only you can help me……………………….. to solve all of this ………………………..

I am always strong enough………………………..

to stand alone……………………….. but before you……………………….. I am crumbling down……………………….. I come undone……………………….. I am nothing……………………….. let me be yours only……………………….. no one will have me……………………….. but you……………………….. only you……………………….. everyone can hate me……………………….. except you……………………….. not you……………………….. if you do……………………….. I will die ………………………..

I am stupid………………………..………………………..

there was a sign……………………….. from lord……………………….. through them……………………….. make my heart restless……………………….. but I ignored them……………………….. I don’t process it……………………….. now I think he give me signal again……………………….. but the time is limited……………………….. lets see……………………….. lets process……………………….. in the name of lord……………………….. and thx god……………………….. I had a great news……………………….. I do not need a new one……………………….. it is the same……………………….. I am relieved ………………………..

if I am hungry, they don’t give me food………………………..

if I am full, they give me food……………………….. it is annoying……………………….. be patient……………………….. lets buy it later……………………….. a lot of it……………………….. make myself satisfied……………………….. thx lord……………………….. I did that……………………….. I was happy……………………….. I was content……………………….. and I have a deep happy sleep……………………….. till you wake me up……………………….. happily ………………………..

it comes to me…………………………………………

lets do this………………………………………… fasting………………………………………… till the day comes………………………………………… till the end………………………………………… till the last drop………………………………………… of hope………………………………………… of time………………………………………… of blood………………………………………… so he will know………………………………………… that I want this………………………………………… and how I depend on him………………………………………… completely………………………………………… how I love him………………………………………… dearly …………………………………………

do you ever wake up in the middle of your deep sleep…………………………………………

and you try so hard to grasp for air………………………………………… you feel there is no air around you………………………………………… and you hear yourself………………………………………… your mouth whisper a name………………………………………… of your grandma………………………………………… who passed away a long time ago………………………………………… you did miss her………………………………………… you want to meet her………………………………………… but you cant………………………………………… the best way for loving her is………………………………………… send pray………………………………………… as he promises………………………………………… that he will take care of her………………………………………… if you pray hard………………………………………… and harder …………………………………………