Step on my cell………………………

Angry to self……………………… Annoyed to self……………………… Always reckless……………………… Afraid……………………… If it is broken……………………… It is new……………………… And expensive……………………… If it is broken, then I should buy a new one……………………… Whereas I don’t have money……………………… Is it punishment……………………… For loving the cell more……………………… Than loving him……………………… Is it punishment……………………… Coz I use it for bad things……………………… Naughty things……………………… Sorry lord……………………… Forgive me lord ………………………

But he is honest…………………………

Want to write a lot………………………… But I cant………………………… Want to express what is inside………………………… But I cant………………………… The chest feel burdened………………………… As if a mountain is on top of it …………………………

Damn…………………………

Because they sit next to me………………………… I don’t feel free………………………… I cant concentrate………………………… And coz the text from him………………………… It add salt to my wound………………………… Make me dizzier………………………… Stressed………………………… Crazy………………………… Arcghhhhhh …………………………

When you know I had fallen so deep for you…………………………

You will act as you wish………………………… Treat me as you like………………………… Coz you know that I am willing being treated that way………………………… Coz I have feeling for you………………………… Tired………………………… Want the same age………………………… the one who works………………………… so it will balance………………………… it is not always me who pay………………………… damn………………………… I had fallen so deep………………………… The hurt is excruciating………………………… Want to scream………………………… I don’t want to be treated this way………………………… I have to retreat………………………… Although it hurts a lot………………………… Maybe you will find another………………………… Who will make you happy………………………… Who are willing to pay for anything………………………… Who is rich………………………… Who has a lot of money………………………… Although I don’t want to………………………… To let you go………………………… Fuck………………………… It hurt………………………… It sucks …………………………

Suddenly it comes to me…………….

That there is interference……………. From people of my side……………. Far away part……………. Near part……………. They all do the magic thing……………. To block me……………. From this kind of thing……………. But……………. Then again……………. There is this thought……………. That the one who intervene is him……………. Oh……………. That is scary……………. If he wants it……………. It will happen for sure……………. Let it all be in his hand……………. Just pray……………. Continuously…………….

Don’t have energy to do that kind of thing…………….

Don’t have power……………. Weird……………. Yesterday also……………. Don’t have energy to climb the hill……………. Whereas……………. Long time ago I can climb mountain……………. The big one and the small one……………. But now……………. Weird……………. Whereas I do my treadmill……………. So……………. Whats the solution……………. Pray before you start doing anything……………. Every action you do……………. You must start with pray first……………. At all cost……………. No question ask……………. And give it all to him……………. Let him decide……………. Whether you deserve to get strength or not …………….

The plan is…………….

Doing a lot of jobs……………. But the reality is……………. Cant do a thing……………. There is so much going on in my head……………. Cant concentrate at all……………. And that……………. There is him……………. My mind is constantly on him……………. And he talks about others……………. And I get jealous……………. Irritated……………. Annoyed……………. Angry……………. Salt to my wound……………. Boiled inside……………. Very difficult to do anything……………. At all …………….