dendam
banyak film menceritakan bahwa pendendam akan binasa oleh dendamnya. aku sudah meyakinkan diri sendiri untuk menghilangkan semua dendam dalam diri. namun aku tak yakin semua dendam itu telah lenyap.
when my father died, i am angry because he never taught me how to be a good person, he never be a father for me....then i force myself to let go all of my anger to him. maybe this is not his fault. mybe this is my fault. because i am not a good son or other reason i can not find right now.
when i got divorce i blame my parents. they give me a wrong woman. at first i am sure i am on the right side. then i force myself to let go all of my anger to them. maybe this is my fault. maybe i am not a good son, maybe i am not a good husband.
when i try to convince myself that i do not have any grudge left in me, i ask myself whether i am free or not. sometime i wonder if i live to prove to them whom i have grudges to to be the best i can. to prove to them that i can live wothout them........
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