Diversity Makes Us Stronger

http://www.adopt.org/assembled/diversity.html

Adoption Stories: Gay Adoption Success"We always wanted to have kids," says David. When he and his partner, Ralph, began the adoption process, they didn't expect it to be easy. "We were expecting roadblocks," David remembers. Those expectations proved realistic. Like many other families starting the adoption process, David and Ralph encountered plenty of red tape. "There's no fast track," says David. "For four years we were struggling with the systems in Los Angeles County and in Santa Barbara County. We moved a lot, and that slowed us down. They made us retake some training. We were almost to the point of giving up. Gay Adoption Success Story"Then we found Kinship Center, a non-profit agency in Santa Ana, and they were very helpful in cutting through all the red tape." Through the agency, David and Ralph joined a monthly support group. "We met a lot of people we can relate to." Many of the families wanted sibling groups. David and Ralph did, too. "We were looking for one or two, not necessarily three," says David. On a day off from work, he made a routine call to his social worker and asked if she'd heard of any kids. "Well," she replied, "There's this one group. I wasn't going to tell you about them because there are three." David found out that his partner's sister, Vickie, had seen the same three children on television on the Wednesday's Child feature of the Fox 11 news, but hadn't mentioned them for the same reason. Adoption Success StorySummer, age 9, Brittany, 7, and Martin, 5, had been in the system for over four years. They had not always been together. Martin had been in six different homes. David and Ralph soon got a copy of the children's videotape, and also looked for them on the Wednesday's Child website. David describes the immediate connection he felt. "When you see the kids, you know they're your kids." The website helped David and Ralph spread the word. "We sent copies of the pages to families and friends, and also people at work. We gave them the link." The children first met their new parents in February, 2002. In April, they moved in. The Federal Reserve Bank of San Francisco, where David is employed in the Los Angeles Branch, provided paid adoption leave to help the transition. The adoption was finalized in March, a year later. David and Ralph are now Daddy Dave and Daddy Kaco. (Kaco is Ralph's nickname.) "Just normal kid things is what we're dealing with now," says David. Ralph, who is a stay-at-home parent, elaborates. "They're really into family life. Summer does gymnastics and athletics, Martin likes karate, and Brittany likes soccer. We've got a little garden growing. It feels as if the kids have always been here, as if our lives have always been about the kids. Now when they talk about their past, it's about their past with us. It doesn't matter if they're adopted or biological-- it's a family!" "School work is number one. Fun is the second thing," David says, about getting through a typical week. "We picked up a system of rules and consequences from the foster family. The kids work well with that. We're very thankful for the foster family," he acknowledges. "The children visit them and consider them their grandparents." The children have learned to handle other children's occasional curiosity. "Yes, I have two Dads," Summer, the oldest, told a classmate. "If you have a problem with that, it's your problem. If you bring it up again, I'll take it to the teacher." On another occasion, thinking forward to her high school years, Summer told Ralph, "Daddy, you can't go to the prom with me." The reason? "Because you dance funny." Adopting Summer, Brittany and Martin created a multiracial family. "Where we live, in Long Beach, California, is a very, very diverse community," says David. The kids see all kinds of different family units. We're part of the community. We're not sticking out." He continues, "We really wanted a mix of kids. It struck me that diversity is part of our community, and it would make us stronger to be a diverse family. We know we're a strong unit. We've got to be." Adoption Stories: Our FamilyFor families trying to adopt, realistic expectations are important, Ralph believes. "We set our bar real low," he says. Referring to the homestudy question about what disabilities the family could handle, Ralph says, "There weren't a lot of things that we didn't check off on that list." "Be persistent," is the advice from David. "You have to be your own advocate, be a little bit ?in your face.' Everybody's really busy, and you just have to make sure you get to the front of the line somehow." Hinting at future possibilities, David says "We still, to this day, go to the website every once in a while." Do they ever watch Wednesday's Child these days? "We don't stay up that late anymore," Ralph says, laughing. "We tape it." Story written by Becky Birtha as told by David and Ralph